I Sure Showed Him!


You remember how Clay made himself the boss of my head by messing with the ties when I was all tied up and getting brushed?  And I told him we’d just wait and see who was really the boss of my head?  Well.

They finally let me out of the round pen where I had to be for ages yesterday with no hay or carrots, and I did not have to go back in the paddock with Elvis.  Which was fine, because stinky old Elvis ate all of my hay when I had to work and then go into the round pen.  I hate Elvis.  Instead, guess what?  Ha ha ha!  I got to go in the paddock with Clay.  That’s right.  It was me, and him, and one other guy, and no one was in the ties, and my rider was gone, and no one was gonna keep me from giving What For to old Clay.  Ha ha ha!  As soon as I got into the paddock, there was some hay, so I ate it, because you know, a horse knows what is really important, and eating is at the top of that list.  But then…when all the hay was gone…there we were, just us guys.

And I said “Clay! All those times you messed with me when I couldn’t do anything about it?” and he said “Yeah! You sucker, Huey!” and I said “Well, now I’m gonna mess with you right back.  I’m coming to get you, Clay!” and he said “You wish!” and I didn’t say anything at all then, I just went for him.  He saw me coming, and he ran away. So I said “You’re one big chicken, Clay!  Running away!” and he said “I am not a chicken!” and I didn’t say anything all then either.  I just went for him again.  Then the other horse got into it, and there we were, all three of us, going for it like anything.  It was wonderful!  I love a good fight.  And I knew I was going to be able to give What For to Clay, I do not care if he is a little bigger than me, I am older than him, and I am smarter.  I saw my opening.  Clay’s butt was right there, and so were my teeth!  I was going to give him the biggest bite ever, right there on his butt.  Only, I guess he saw me coming a little bit, because just as I went in for my Huge Bite, he kicked me.  And he took the skin on my shoulder clear off.  It stung!!!  I said “Clay! You jerk!  That hurts!” and then I saw that Laura was coming and I said “Oooooh, you are going to be in trouble now!”  But Laura did not make Clay in trouble, she looked at my shoulder and said “Huey!” and put some stuff on it.  And that stung too, so I ran away.

All night long my shoulder was stinging like it had been bit by a million bees.  And I could not see Clay, but I knew he could hear me, and I waited until everyone was asleep, and I said “Clay!” and he said “Huuhh” like he was sleeping too, but I know he was just pretending.  So I said “Clay! My shoulder hurts. When I get you back in that paddock, you are really going to pay for that!” and he said “Oooooo I’m scared” like he didn’t mean it. So I just clomped my teeth together and said “That is going to be your butt tomorrow, Clay.  Clomp clomp clomp.”  And then Topaz said “You all be quiet.  I can’t sleep with all this racket.  Stupid boys.”

Well, today, I sure did show Clay.  Every time he came near me, I showed him my teeth and I said “Clomp clomp clomp” and he made the white of his eyes, and he ran away.  And I chased him all over that paddock all day today.  It is a good thing my rider did not want me to work because I was too busy giving Clay What For.  I did not let him go anywhere near the gate.  That showed him, all right.

Then, it was time to go back in the barn, and I chased Clay around some more, that chicken horse.  And then my rider came, and Clay said “Huey! I am going to show you!  I am going to kick your rider.” and I said “You are not, Clay! You watch out for me!” and I chased him away, and I made sure that he did not come anywhere near my rider.  He tried to, a couple of times, too.  And my rider, who is sweet but kind of dumb, did not realize he was going to kick and bite her, and she was going to scratch him, and I had to do some real running to make sure he didn’t come near her.  Then someone came to take Clay to the barn, and my rider made me go in the halter and out of the paddock, but everyone made Clay wait for me to go first.  Because I am the boss that is why!  Clay should eat the dirt from my hoofs.

I went for a walk with my rider, but I tell you, I was still pretty stirred up.  She wanted to walk slow, but I did not, and she made me go in circles a few times.  And then, oops, I stepped on her.  I thought it was just nice squishy mud, but suddenly she was yelling “Get off!  Get off!” over and over and pushing on my shoulder.  It was the shoulder I got kicked on, too, which made it sting some more.  But I guess that was OK because I moved over very quickly!  Then the rider was so funny, she was jumping around on the path going “Oof” and “Owie”.  So then, I guess, we matched. We were like twins.  My shoulder, her foot. It was funny.

It was not as funny when she took my jacket off and saw my Kicked Spot.  She fussed like she had never seen a scrape before.  I told her not to be silly, it was just a stupid kick, and I sure showed Clay not to mess with me any more, but she just told me I had Attitude and I should be more careful in the future.  She is very silly.  Careful.  I am a horse!  What kind of poncy horse would I be if I did not get cuts and scrapes, and get into fights?  Silly person.

She sprayed my Kick Spot and put some stuff on it that stung some more, but then I got some treats, and my fuzzy blanket, and a pile of hay.  Now I am going to spend the night thinking about how I am going to show Clay who is boss tomorrow.

I got a little banged up, but I am proud of it! It shows that I am TOUGH.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

2 responses »

    • My baby picked on a little old lady? And then he got into a screaming match with another horse? And then he got into a fight on the playground? And got banged up? Oh, wait, my baby PICKED a fight on the playground? And got banged up when one of the other kids engaged in self-defense? Oh, God. I’m so embarrassed. Thank heavens the barn owner LOVES him. Otherwise, this could be huge trouble. I feel like the mom that gets called because her kid BIT someone in pre-school.

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