This Has Been Being A Good Week!

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First, I am going crazy because it is hot and then it is cold and then it is hot and then it is cold.  My hair is ready for cold.  It is not ready for hot.  At least my rider has not been making me work when it is hot.  I think she is hot too.

So, I can hear you saying, why has it been being such a good week, Huey?

And I am going to tell you.

It is because of carrots and Clay and my rider paying attention to me.  That is the short story.  There is a better story but it is longer, and here it is.

First, I have learned something new!  You know that sometimes when my rider shows up, she has food  in her pockets.  And sometimes that food is carrots.  There is nothing at all in the world I like better than carrots.  Except maybe apples.  And, it depends on what time of day it is, hay.  Oh, and grain.  Sometimes I like grain better than carrots too.  But I really really love carrots!

So.  Two times my rider showed up and she took me in the barn aisle and she said “Huey, we are not going to work today but you need to do a stretch.”  Well, I stretch all the time.  I stretch when I want to go roll in the dirt, and I stretch my mouth and my tongue, especially when I am getting brushed on my neck.  But she meant a different kind of stretch.  She said it was not going to be easy, but she had something to help, and she pulled it out.  Yes.  It was a carrot.  Well, I thought that carrots make a lot of things easy! Especially putting my head right out and putting my teeth on that carrot and chewing it right up!  But this time, she put that carrot on my flank!  I said “What are you doing?  That is not where my mouth is!” and she said “You can have this carrot if you put your mouth there!” so I said “OH!” and I did.  I put my mouth right there, and I got to bite a big piece of that carrot right off!  And I was going to bite the rest of the carrot, but that rider was too fast for me, and before I knew it, she was on the other side of me and putting the carrot on that other flank.  And I said “I cannot get my mouth back there.  I am stiff on that side and you know it.” and she said “I do know it, but I want you to try to get your mouth as far back as you can, and when you do, you will get some more of this tasty carrot!” and so I did.  It was not easy like it was on the other side, and the rider moved the carrot up, but I got my mouth back there and I ate more of that carrot.  Then I looked for the rest of that carrot.  It was not on my side, and it was not on my other side!  My rider was down by my feet, so I looked down, and there it was!  That carrot was in between my knees!  I put my head down there, and the rider made the carrot move away and I said “I cannot get that carrot!  I am too stiff on my neck and my back!” and she said “Do your best and you will get it.”  So I did.

Then I was very excited.  I stretched a bunch of ways and I ate a lot of carrot.  Carrots make me feel like a Wild Horse, only I was in the barn.  The rider wanted to brush me, but I said that Wild Horses do not get brushed!  They race around in the grass and have big fights with each other, and that was what I wanted to do too!  The rider said I should calm down, but I could not!  I was too Wild!  So she took me back to the paddock and told me to go ahead and have a fight with Clay if that was what I wanted, and it was, and so I did!  I reared way up in the air and Clay reared way up in the air and then we raced around that paddock as fast as we could go.   Clay is still a crazy horse, but that was fun.

My rider came back the next day and I did not want to work, and so I made my feet as poky as they could be going out of the paddock.  She scratched my mane, which I like, and then she whispered to me a secret.  And what do you think that secret was?  It was that we were going to do another Carrot Stretch!  Well, I picked my feet right up and made sure we got into the barn as fast as we could, and then I waited for the carrot.  It was easier to get the carrot on my other side than it was the day before, which was good.  I thought we might do some work, but it started to rain, so my rider took me back to the paddock with Clay.  I was feeling all like a Wild Horse again, so I got into a Biting Fight with Clay.  I won it, because I am older and smarter than Clay.

I thought for sure we would work on the next day because it had been ages since we worked, and I was feeling like I needed to do something.  I was feeling itchy, too, like I do when the bugs are out, but there were no bugs.  I thought maybe I was feeling itchy because it was hot again and my hairs do not like this hot.  But then my rider took off my jacket and she said I had bumps.  I have had bumps before, but she said this was too many bumps, so she brushed me a little and put me back and left.  I did not feel like making a fight with Clay, but he thinks that is what we do now and kept trying to start one.  You will never guess what happened later, though!  My rider came back.  Yes.  She does not live in the barn like I do, she lives somewhere else and only comes to visit me.  And some days she does not come at all, and I miss her.  But most days she comes, but she only comes one time.  This time, she was not dressed like we were going to work, and besides, she told me that I was not going to work as long as I had bumps, so I did not know what was going on at all.

But then I did not care, because you know what she had?  Right.  A carrot.  And she did not make me go in the halter or anything!  She came into the paddock and made Clay go away from her, and she said “Huey! Here is a nice yummy carrot because you are a good boy!” and I said “Yum!” and I ate that carrot right up.  Then she told me that it was a Magic Carrot because it had a thing inside it that was going to make my bumps go away.  And you know what happened?  It did.  My bumps went right away!

So I had two fights with Clay, and I learned about the Carrot Stretch, and I ate a Magic Carrot.  That is all being very good!

And then it got even better!  I do not have to go be with Clay any more!  My rider and Laura said that we are too rough and it is messing up our hair.  I do not care about messing up my hair, but it would be very nice not to have that idiot poking me in the neck all the time with that stupid fake carrot.  It would also be nice not to have any stupid horse all the time arguing with me about who goes first to drink, or trying to poke their nose in my hay pile.  I make Clay stop, but I am bored with having to do that.  What I really want is to go in the paddock with a bunch of horses and eat grass and run all over the place, and then I can be with whatever horse I want instead of having to be with a pest like Clay.  My rider says that is not going to happen because there are too many ticks in the grass and there is not enough space for all of us to make one giant herd.  I do not know if I want Clay to be in my herd, anyway.

The horse I want to have in my herd is Tango.  That is because she is small and she is not going to be a huge blundering dummy like Clay.  Also, it is because she shares a window in the barn with me, and she is not a pest. She is friendly, but she is not a pest.  She stuck her nose in my stall and I did not think I needed to bite it.  That is good.  So I thought that I should not have to go with Clay, but I should go with Tango.  And you know what happened this morning?  I did.  I got to go with Tango, and she acted like a proper horse, not arguing with me all the time and trying to play stupid tricks and make stupid jokes.

Well, she didn’t try to play tricks on me.  But my rider came, and this time she was dressed for work.  And she came into our paddock and Tango said “I am going to go check out your rider!” and I said “OK. But that is my rider and you cannot forget that.” and she said “I am not a dummy, dummy.” and went to sniff all over my rider.  Tango knows that sometimes my rider has carrots, but I know that my rider never has carrots when it is time to work, so I was not worried about Tango stealing my carrots.  My rider laughed and let Tango put her lips on her hand.  I thought this was crossing the line, and I said “Tango, stop that.” and she said “I don’t want to!” and I said “You do it.  Stop that.  I am the only horse that gets to put lips on my rider’s hand.” and I went over and used my shoulder to move her away and I put my lips on the rider, just to show.

Only I got a little carried away and then I tried to put my teeth on my rider too, and then the rider said “Huey! NO BITING!” and I was a little bit embarrassed.  So I stood there and went into the halter even though Tango kept saying she wanted to see and getting in my face while I was going in the halter.  The rider laughed and said for Tango to move! But Tango is very curious and did not want to.

So then Tango made a joke! And I made a joke with her, because we are friends.  My rider opened the paddock and I walked out and Tango came right behind me and walked out too. We were in a line.  And the rider laughed and said “No, only Huey!” and had to go get the gate.  This meant she was not watching me, so I put my head down to eat grass.  And the rider said “No! Huey! No grass!” and when she tried to make me stop eating grass, Tango started eating the grass!  So both of us horses came out of the paddock and ate grass, and the rider just stood there and laughed.  It was funny.  Finally, she got Tango to go back into the paddock, and I ate some more grass, but then we had to work.  But I didn’t mind, because it was funny.  And I needed some exercise, too.

It is much nicer to be in the paddock with Tango. She doesn't have a fake carrot. Also, she doesn't argue with me all the time. We can just put our heads together and eat. That is nice.

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About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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