Everybody Hates Me.


I am bored.  I thought it was going to be great when winter came and I didn’t have to work any more, and it was for a little while, but now I am bored.  My bones are itchy and I want to run around like a wild horse with the wind in my mane but my paddock is too small, and the ground is too mushy sometimes, and too hard and slick sometimes, and Tango would want to run around like a wild horse with me, and I would have to go where she wants me to go, and I want to go where I want to go.  And I am bored.

Yesterday my rider came and she brought me into the barn and had the brushes.  Usually I would be all happy about this because sometimes there is a massage, and sometimes there is a carrot, but lately, I just get ZAPPED all the time, and this makes me not want to get brushed.

I hate getting ZAPPED.

This time, there was another person there, my rider told me he was going to be my friend too and wanted to learn to brush me.  I said OK but I did not want to say OK.  I wanted to run around, and I did not want to get ZAPPED again. The other person brushed me, but he was not as good at it as my rider, even if my rider gets the tickly spot on my tummy with the brush and makes me squirm.  But it was OK.  I did not get ZAPPED.  Then the other person left, and my rider gave me a massage, which was nice, but I kept thinking I might get ZAPPED and so it was not as nice as it used to be.  I put my head up in the air to make sure my rider knew not to ZAP my nose.  She said I looked like a giraffe.  I do not look like a giraffe, I look like a horse.  Maybe a giraffe looks like a horse.

Then my rider put my jacket back on, and she said maybe we should go out and do a little work in the ring.  But then Rosie went in the ring, so I couldn’t.  And Rosie got to run around like a wild horse, and I could hear Glee outside running around like a wild horse, and I said “I am going to come run with you, wild horses!” and I jumped out.  But I forgot that I was still in the cross-ties, and so I had to stop.  I was mad.  My rider said I was being silly, and I said I was bored and I wanted to run! But I did not get to.  I had to go back to the paddock with Tango.

All the other horses got to run like wild yesterday, but not me. And not Tango, and not Rooster, and not Pumpkin or Spryte.  Clay did, though, but he always does.  I did not because my rider hates me.

Tango hates me too.  The last couple of days, she has smelled different.  She smells good.  The way she smells, it makes me want to run around like crazy and show her what a big strong smart horse I am, and it makes me want to climb all over her.  She is cranky now and she does not want me to climb all over her.  I told her “It’s a good thing you are in here with me, Tango, because I am a big, strong, brave, smart horse! You are one lucky mare!!  Let me climb on you a little.” but she showed me her teeth and said “You are one big chicken dummy horse, Huey.  Now go away.”

I did not go away.  I couldn’t.  She smelled too good.  I thought maybe if I just got real close to her she might change her mind about letting me climb on her, but instead, she kicked me.  A part of my brain said maybe I should leave her alone because she was cranky, but then a louder part of my brain said I should just keep trying, because eventually she will give in.  And besides.  She smells good.  She did not agree with any of this, and she bit me, and then she kicked me again.  I got a big cut on my knee.  The same part of my brain that said I should leave her alone said my rider was going to fuss about this cut, but I did not care!!   I tried to give her a bunch of little nibbles because she smells so good I want to eat her up, and she really walloped me.

So Tango hates me, because she beat me up and she would not let me climb on her like a nice, friendly horse would do.  But I will keep trying tomorrow!

My rider came this afternoon and found out about my cut and all this with Tango.  She said I should not try to climb on Tango because I do not have the right bits.  That is silly.  I have a nose, I can smell.  What more is there?

My rider hated me today, too.  I was in my stall, minding my own business and eating my nice big pile of hay, and here comes my rider right into the stall.  She said she was going to hang out with me.  I said Hi and I went back to eating, because a horse knows what is important.  Pumpkin is next door, not Tango now, and she made a bunch of faces through the bars.  My rider laughed and said she looked like a camel.  First I am a giraffe, and now Pumpkin is a camel.  Silly rider.  Then she asked if I wanted to go out in the ring and run around, but I was not going to leave a nice big fresh pile of hay!!

So then she said I had to get a different coat on, because it was going to be too cold for the one I was wearing.

And what do you think happened then?

Yes.  I got ZAPPED.  A bunch of times.

I was mad, let me tell you! I  jumped up in the air and I said to the rider “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!  YOU ZAPPED ME!!  I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!!!”

And she said “I am sorry, Huey!  I do not want to ZAP you.  It is your fleece blankie that makes it happen.”

I do not care if it is my fleece blankie that ZAPS me or my rider that ZAPS me.  I DO NOT WANT TO GET ZAPPED ANY MORE.

And to show my rider how mad I was, I stood and put my head away from her in the corner.  She came closer and I shook my head at her and said “You are not going to ZAP me again!”  I got as far away as I could.

I hate getting ZAPPED.

The rider stood there for a while, and I kept my head in the corner.  Then I heard something rustling.  It was the rider and she had a big handful of hay and was shaking it at me.  Well.  Hay.  I whipped my head around and grabbed a mouthful as fast as I could and I stuck my head back in that corner!  The rider stood there while I chewed, and when I was done, she rustled some more hay at me.  I grabbed it as fast as I could, and then two mouthfuls of hay, and I remembered that there was a huge pile over there on the other side of the stall, not in the corner where my head was, so I thought I should turn around so I could eat some more.  The rider went away and when she came back I said “Don’t you ZAP me, you horrible person!” but she put her hand out, and there was a Carrot Cookie in it, so I ate that as quick as I could.  And then there was another one, and I hadn’t been ZAPPED in a while, so I got a little closer in case there was another cookie, and there was.

So I did get some cookies, but I cannot believe my rider hates me so much that she ZAPS me like this!! It is awful.

Maybe Tango will feel sorry for me because I got ZAPPED and she will let me climb on her tomorrow.

Everyone hates me and now I am cranky, just like Tango.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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