I Am A HUNGRY Horse!

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Here is the good news.  One, I am getting to ride again, but… we will talk about that later.  Two, after the huge fight where Elvis tore my jacket up, we do not go out together.  This is a good thing, because I like to have all the hay to myself.  But it is a bad thing too, because it is interesting to fight, and also because now there is less hay.  I thought when I had the paddock to myself it would be all the hay just for me but it is not.  It is a much smaller pile of hay.  It is all for me, but I think I should have a bigger pile.

What else?  I have new boots!  I have not had new boots in ages!!  These are not the kind of boots I used to have when I was a jumping horse.   These are big fat soft boots that are warm on my legs, and I do not wear them when I am running around.  I only wear them when I am tied up.  It is very strange.  My rider said they are to help my leg get better.  OK.  I like the warm.  It got cold again here, and it has been windy.  When it was windy before, it made me want to be the wild horse, but I am not wild now.  I cannot be wild when I am riding.  Only a crazy Bad Horse is wild when it goes riding.  I am not crazy or Bad.  I am a Good Horse, and even if I get scared for one second, I do not forget that I am carrying a rider!  I saw a horse buck with a rider on! Can you believe that?!?!  That is something only a very young horse should do, when it is learning about the saddle and the halter.  But a big, grown horse bucking?  That is very Bad.

My rider came yesterday with the new boots and put them on me.  I said they smelled strange.  She said they would smell just like my feet after a little while so do not worry.  Then I stood around in the boots while she brushed me all over.  She said I was making so many loose hairs because of my winter hair coming off that she could make a brand new horse.  That is silly.  Only a mare can make a brand new horse.  My rider is kind of a mare, but she is not areal mare.  If she was, she could not ride me!  Too many legs!!

It has been ages since we went riding.  That is because my leg was sore and I had to have a shoe.  Last week was not fun.  I kicked two people.  I am embarrassed about this because I am not a crazy horse that kicks people.  The first time it was because the mares were fighting behind me and I was scared.  The second time it was because I thought the mares might go and fight behind me again.  When my rider heard about that, she made a noise like the wind, like aaahhh. And she said Huey, what am I going to do with you?

So I said You could scratch that itchy spot over my eye and rub my face some.  Or you could give me one of those apple treats. Or we could go riding…

But she said that was not what she meant.  She said I should remember where I was and that I was a big, brave,old horse that does not get scared of things all over the place.

I said I would try.

I thought she was just going to make me go in the round pen and run around again, but instead? She put on her hat and she brought out my saddle!  I was very happy that we were going to ride!!  Then I had to lunge for ages and then the rider took me to the block and got on.  I thought we were going to have some fun and trot around and make circles, but no.  She made me just walk around the ring for a while and just when I thought we would be trotting, guess what she did?

She got off.  And she took me to the barn and took off my saddle.  I said We are done??!?  How can we be done?!?! And she said we had to go for a very short ride because of my sore leg.  I said it was not sore today, but she said that she was the boss and we had to be careful.  So I said OK.

Today, I was in my paddock alone and thinking that I should have more hay, or maybe get to go eat some grass, and you know what?  Clay got to go out and eat grass!  He wandered all over eating all of the grass and talking to the horses!!  It was not fair.  My rider came and I told her she should let me eat some grass too, but she said No, we had to go work.  And she took me into the barn, and guess what?

There was a whole pile of hay, right there, sitting next to the cross-tie. I was so happy, I reached my head down and I took a huge bite out of that hay! And then do you know what happened?

My rider said HUEY! YOU DROP THAT! and she pulled on the lead rope – well, you know, I had to pull back – and she reached up and she pulled the hay right back out of my mouth!!!  Yes.  I had a big mouthful of hay, and my rider took it away!  After it was in my mouth!!!  And then she threw it on the ground and she said That was bad, Huey!  You know you are not allowed to do that! And I said But I am hungry. And she said I would get my lunch at the regular time, out in the paddock, and stop sassing her.  So I put my head down and went into the ties.

Well.  I had to stand there with the boots on and getting my winter coat off forever and the whole time, there was that hay pile right next to me.  It was calling me.  I could hear it.  It said Huey, you should eat me, I am nice fresh yummy hay, Huey!

It was enough to make a horse crazy, I will say that.

And when my rider put the saddle on and the bridle on, I pretended I did not see that hay pile…but when she put the lunge line on and started to walk out of the barn, I grabbed a huge bite of that hay!!

Only, the rider turned around really fast and said HUEY! and you know what she did?

She took that hay out of my mouth too!!!!

Well. I was very surprised by this! So I went into the ring and we lunged.  It was very windy, and when Bug kicked a bunch of rocks in his paddock I jumped up in the air and started to run before I remembered I was on the lunge line.  Bug saw it, too.  And you know what he did?

He laughed.  He said Huey! You are having to work!  And I am here in my paddock.  Guess what I have here, Huey!  I have hay!  And you are out there working and you are a scaredy cat!

And then he kicked his rocks again and I could not help it.  I jumped up in the air again!

I was not so sure that we should be riding, then, what with the wind and with Bug playing jokes on me.  I did not want to go to the block.  But the rider said we had to work because of my sore leg, and I should remember that she would take care of me.  And I remembered that she took care of me with the vet and she was not scared at all when the farrier made my hoof smoke, so I thought she would be OK then.

It was just like yesterday only a little bit longer.  Not much longer at all.  It was very windy and I was not sure, but my rider said It is OK Huey, that is the wind.  That is a leaf.  That is the gate making noise.  That is the cat. That is the wind in the trees.  That is Bug playing with his rocks.  I was listening, but we were only walking around, and so I had plenty of time to listen to all the noises and stuff.  I told the rider the wind was very loud.  She said we only had to go two times more around, and that if I was a Good Horse and did not get distracted and spook, I would get a carrot when I was done.

Well.  A carrot.  I could focus for two trips around the ring for a carrot.  I could do a lot of things for a carrot.

My rider got off, and I said Where is my carrot?

And she said I do not have the carrot yet, wait until we are done in the barn.

And I said You told me I would get a carrot when I was done.  You are off, we are done.  I want my carrot.

She said I do not have it here, Huey!

But I did not believe this.  She hides carrots in her clothes.  I put my nose near where she usually hides the carrots.  She said Huey, I do not have any pockets.  The carrot is in the barn.  Let’s go in the barn now.

So we did, and then I said Where is my carrot? But she said Huey, let me take your tack off. So I said You said I could have a carrot when I was done, and you said let’s go in the barn, and now we are in the barn and I would like my carrot.  But she said I will take your tack off and clean it up so it is not nasty when we ride tomorrow, and then I will brush the blanket marks off, and then I will put your jacket on, and then we will do a carrot stretch and you will have your carrot.

And she took my tack off and I said, because it never hurts to ask, Can I have my carrot now please? And she said Clean, then jacket, then carrot stretch, then carrot.

But when she was putting on my jacket, I said Can I have my carrot now please?  I do not think I can wait! But she said Huey! Let me buckle your jacket! And then we do the carrot stretch!  But I thought maybe she had the carrot already, so I put my nose on her where her pockets go. She had to stand there to buckle my jacket.  And she said Huey! I do not have the carrot on me! And I said Maybe you do.  I am just checking.

And then she was done with my jacket, and finally she put on her jacket, and that is where the carrot was hiding! I did the carrot stretch.  There is something not right with my neck.  I hope the person who makes my back go POP comes soon and helps fix that.  But I finally got my carrot!! It was so good!! I crunched it all up.

And then?  I remembered something.  I remembered about the hay pile.  And when my rider took the ties off and took the rope and said Time to go to the paddock Huey! I stretched my neck down and I grabbed another huge bite of that hay!!!

And that rider! She hates me!  She pulled on my halter and she stretched her arm up, and she took the hay out of my mouth! AGAIN!!  I only got to eat one tiny little piece of hay!  She took it out of my mouth and she threw it on the ground. And she said Huey! You are being a Bad Horse!!  Well, I said I am not being a Bad Horse.  I am being a HUNGRY horse.  And I told her I should get to eat some grass.  But she is so mean! You know what she said? She said I could not have any of the grass on account of having been Bad three times with that hay pile in the barn.

It is so unfair.

I am NOT a Bad Horse. I am just Hungry. And how can a Hungry Horse see a free pile of hay and not try to eat it?

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About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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