I Am A Special Horse!!!


I think I have been in Trouble all week long!  There was the thing where Elvis tore up my jacket.  And then there was the thing where I could not pay attention because of the huge pile of hay in the barn.  And then there was the thing where I thought my rider had a carrot but she did not.

Today, it was super huge trouble.  First, all of the horses got to go outside into the paddocks.  Except for Bug, and Clay, and Pumpkin, and Me, and Topaz.  And Sprite, I’m not sure if she went to the paddock or not.  But anyway, I was all alone in the barn!  Except for Bug, Clay, Pumpkin, Topaz, and Laura, that is.  I was lonely.

My rider came very early.  I hardly had anything to eat.  Only my morning hay and my grain!  And I said to her, You should take me to the paddock!  I am left all alone here!

And she said Huey, you are all alone? And then Laura said He is not!  There are loads of horses still in the barn! The vet is coming today!

Then I did not know what to think.  First, I think it does not matter if some horses are in the barn.  Some of them are outside!  And I should go show them how to be outside! And also I thought, oh. She said the V word.

And there was my rider, too early, and she said Huey, I am putting your new boots on.  And then we are going to ride for eight minutes. Because of your sore leg.  And then the VET is coming and he will give you a shot and make you a Strong Healthy Horse! But I said I am already a Strong Health Horse and I do not need a shot for that.  But she just said I am the Boss of you, Huey, and if I say you have to have a shot, you have to have a shot.  And she was right.  She is the Boss of Me. So I said OK.  But I am still not happy that I am the only horse in the barn.  And she said You are being a Silly Horse, Huey. There are lots of horses in the barn because everyone is going to see the VET today.

And she came in and put my boots on.  I thought maybe she had a carrot or an apple treat in her pocket, but when I put my nose there, it bumped into an elbow.  She said You keep your nose off my butt, Huey! And I said You cannot blame a horse for trying! So she said You are right, but you need to stop anyway.

And then, this is very weird, she had a tube.  It was a very strange tube.  It had stuff on it that I could smell but I could not see.  It was invisible!

I said What is that tube you have, rider?  And she said she had to pick up some of my horse apples for the V-word to check, and she brought some plastic. I said I wanted to see this plastic but she just showed me the smelly invisible thing, and then I was confused.  She bent over on my stall floor.

Now.  My stall is the best stall in the barn.  I know that Bug and Pumpkin and Topaz, they think their stalls are the Best Stalls in the barn, because there is the stall they sleep in, and then the stall that they run around in, and it is all the same stall. I do not have a stall to run around in.  I think my rider should make a window in my stall so that I can see outside! But she said this is not something she can do, and just think of all the wind that does not blow on me like it blows on Bug, and Pumpkin, and Topaz.  So, you say, Huey, why is your stall the Best Stall if you do not have a place to run around in or a window?  Well, I say.  I have three things:  I have a special pink salt that is very tasty and much nicer than the one that is in the stall that Tango and Elvis have.  AND because I am not just a Hungry Horse, I am a Thirsty Horse, I have two water buckets.  I made a poopy in one of them today and my rider said YUKKY! and she said Huey, you should not make poopy in your water! But I said That end is a long way away from my head! How am I supposed to know?  And third? I have a sticky ball.  Pumpkin had a big ball, but she tore it down last night.  All us horses in the barn said YAY! Pumpkin! and made our Special Noise at her to let her know she did a Good Thing, tearing down her ball.  Pumpkin is young, and us older horses know that it is up to us to tell her the right way to be.  I do not have a big hard ball like Pumpkin had.  I have a sticky ball.  It issweet.  I like to lick it.  I try to chew on it, and sometimes I can, but mostly it just hits me in my nose and makes my face sticky, and then my rider says Yuk! and I have to get my face washed.

I do not like to get my face washed.

Where was I? Oh, yes.  There is my rider crawling around on the floor of my stall, picking up my Horse Apples and putting them into the smelly invisible stuff from the tube.

I said, What are you doing with that?

And she said, I am going to give this to the VET and he is going to tell me if I need to give you some medicine or not.

And I said You will take good care of that, right?  Because it was not easy to make! And I showed her my tail, because yesterday it was all loose and clean and now it has stuff in it and is hard.  And she said Yuk, what a mess.

Then we rode.  We are still going for a silly short time.  I know that I could go for longer, but she is still worried about my sore leg.  And she says we have to do this slow, or I will not be able to do anything interesting this summer, like last summer, when I had to stay in my stall during the day.  Yes.  Can you imagine?  I knew there was fresh green grass everywhere but because I hurt my other leg, I had to stay inside.  It was horrible.  But I did feel better, and then my rider came and started riding me, and now I we are Together.  So I guess it was OK after all.

Today, we rode and we made a few circles, and I had to walk across the ring and make turns.  It was fine.  And I was thinking Now is where we  are going to do something interesting! But my rider got off.  And the V was there.  Rosie came into the barn, and I had to go onto the hitching post.

Well, you know I like the hitching post. Because it is just the right height for me to really get my teeth on and suck air.  And my rider took off my tack and I sucked air.  And Rosie came out, and Pumpkin came up, and I sucked air.  Pumpkin was there forever.  But that is not the worst part.  What is the worst part, Huey? I hear you say?

The worst part is that my rider was standing right there and she was not paying any attention to me!  She was pointing into the barn where Pumpkin is!  I do not understand this. Pumpkin is not her Special Horse! I am her Special Horse!  So I stopped sucking air and I poked the rider with my nose, and I said Rider! What are you looking into the barn at?  Here I am behind you! And she turned around and rubbed my nose and said I love you Huey. But then she looked back into the barn.  So I poked her again with my nose and I said Do you have a treat for me? And she turned around and said No treats right now Huey! and turned right back around to look into the barn.

I ask you, can you believe this?  Here I am, the Wonder Horse, all there and wanting to get rubbed and scratched and saying to my rider I am so happy we are together! And there is my rider, paying attention to Pumpkin.

It was almost more than I could stand.  I kept poking her, and every time she would turn around and rub on me and say Huey you are a Good Horse but she did not stay that way.

This is hard for me, you know. Being the Wonder Horse is a new thing for me, you know.  I used to have a good rider. A person who could ride a lot better than my rider now.  And I used to go in shows, and everyone would clap for me, and I knew they were clapping for me.  And my old rider would say Good Horse, but my old rider did not say I love you, Huey. And my old rider was a very good rider, but I was not the Special Horse.  There were a lot of Special Horses.  And I was not the Wonder Horse.

Now I am the Wonder Horse.  And I have a rider who is not very good at riding, but I am teaching her!  And she says I love you Huey all the time!  I did not even know what that meant!  Now I know that it means apple treats and poky rides for very short periods and special boots and sticky balls and lots of jackets.  Also, my new rider talks to me all the time.  I do not understand a lot of it, but sometimes I do. And when I do not, I think she is being funny.  I did not have a Funny Rider before. My new rider says I have to Behave and she does a lot of things with me that are new, like making me go this way and that way in the little pen, and not letting me eat grass and tearing the hay out of my mouth.  All of this is very strange to me, but I like it, and I say to her, I love you Rider!  And she says You are my Special Horse Huey!

And I like that.  So I do not mind having to teach her to ride, and stuff.  But.  I do not like it when she is paying attention to another horse! I am the Special Horse! What is up with Pumpkin?  She is someone else’s Special Horse!  And I said that to my rider.  I can say things like that and she does not get mad, and she does not go away to another horse. This time, she said Huey, I am learning something from watching the VET, let me do that! So I said OK.

Then the V was done with Pumpkin, and he came out to me and talked to the rider.  They talked about my butt.  I do not know why, but I do know they both thought I was a very handsome horse! And then I got a SHOT.  I did not want a SHOT but the rider said Huey! The VET is making you be a Healthy Horse!  Everyone gets shots.  I get shots.  Laura gets shots.  Frankie the Cat gets shots.  It is OK Huey! And it was.

But then?  My rider went away with the V.  They were in the barn, near Pumpkin. I could hear them making noise but I could not see them.  And I knew they could not see me, either. And I was bored.  I did not even want to suck any more air!  But you know what?  I think there was hay in the rocks I was standing on.  So I took my hoof?  And I made a  hole in the rocks.

But you know what happened then?

My rider came out of the barn saying HUEY YOU STOP THAT!! NO PAWING! LEAVE THOSE ROCKS ALONE!

I do not know how she knew I was going at the rocks.  But I said OK I will not do that!

But then?  She went away again, back into the barn, and I could hear her talking to the V.

So I waited a minute to see if she would come out and give me a scratch, but no.  Talk talk talk. And there’s Pumpkin, I could hardly see her, going I want to go back in my stall!

Well.  My rider should be there!  I was bored!  So I took my hoof, and I started to make a nice big hole in the rocks.

And then??  A MONSTER rose up out of the barn!! And the Monster screamed at me HUEY! YOU STOP THAT OR YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!

What was a horse going to do when faced with a Horse Eating Monster?  Of course, I reared up in the air and I waved my front hoofs at the Monster and I said NO! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, MONSTER!  Only, there was another Monster and it had my head!!  I couldn’t go anywhere!!!

I panicked, of course.  I had to get away from BOTH of the Monsters, and I had to do it as fast as I could.  Well, I have told you before that I am a Strong Horse and I am!! I pulled as hard as I could away from the Head-Eating Monster, and thought that when I got free, I would deal with the Death Monster!  So I pulled and pulled and the Death Monster just stood there, and the Head-Eating Monster?  I managed to pull right away from him!!!

So there I was, free of that horrible Head-Eating Monster, and ready to do battle with that Death Monster!!!!!!!!

Only instead of saying YOU ARE GOING TO DIE HUEY! the Death Monster said Not Again Huey.  And the crazy mare in the pen behind me was laughing and said That is some Death Monster Huey! HAHAHA! and I had to wait a minute.

And when I did, I was very embarrassed.  It was not a Head-Eating Monster.  It was just the hitching post.  And it was not a Death Monster either.  It was my rider.  And she was saying Oh, Huey, you destroyed the hitching post again. And she was right.  I did destroy the hitching post.

Well, I was scared wasn’t I?  It is OK that I destroyed the hitching post.  I said to the rider, You should not scare me.  And she said I told you not to dig holes in the rocks, Huey.  And I said I was bored and you were off with the V.  What was I supposed to do?  And she said You should have just stood there waiting for me to come get you. But I said I did not know you were coming, and I thought I was all alone.  Except for the crazy mare, and she does not count.  And she said You just stand here, Huey, I have to finish talking to the VET.

And I did.  I swear it.  When my rider came back, I was exactly where she left me.  I did not fidget, I did not try to eat the rope, I did not suck air, I did not move. I was still embarrassed.  But she just rubbed my face and put my jacket on and said Let’s go to the paddock, Huey.  And we did.

I will not do that again.  I don’t think.  I did it before, but this is the last time! Really!

I am not a Crazy Silly Horse. I just act like that sometimes!


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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