This Is More Like It!!


Well, it has been a long time since I told everyone what is happening at the barn.  That is because I have been very busy!!  There are tons of new horses here, and I have to make sure I meet them all and let them know that I am the Boss.  Well, I am the Boss of all the boys.  I don’t care what Clay and Elvis say.  And, now that I think about it, all of the new horses are mares, and mares are definitely the Boss of Me.  Anyway, I have had a fun time meeting all these new horses!

The new horses have to work much more than I do, but I have to work much more than I used to.  My rider was gone for ages, TWO DAYS at least.  That was not good.  Since I hurt my leg she has been here every day.  And that is good, because I know that I am important, and also, it is something different than just hanging out in the paddock and waiting for something to eat.  Also, I like her.  And sometimes there is a treat.  It is boring in the paddock now, after I got into that huge fight with Elvis and destroyed my jacket, I have been in the paddock all by myself.  That is nice because there is no other horse to eat my food, but it is boring because there is no other horse to fight.  I tried calling Clay some names over the fence, but he just went off to fight with Elvis.  I guess it is OK when they fight because they do not tear each others’ skin up.  I do not mind so much, but my rider does not like it when I get holes in my skin from fighting, or when another horse kicks the hair off of me.  I do not think that Clay’s rider or Elvis’s rider like it either.  So now I am alone.  But I have been seeing a lot of my rider.

Here is how it goes when my rider comes.  She walks up and says Hey Buddy!  And I say My name is not Buddy, it is Huey.  And she says I know that, Buddy is not a name, it is just a thing I call you because I like you.  So I say OK.  And then she puts my special boots on.  I like my new boots.  They are warm, and my legs do not get as stiff with them.  But I have to stand there for a long time waiting with my boots on, so it is better if I am in my stall where I can look around in case there is a piece of hay or some grain.  If I have to stand in the cross-ties is it boring.  Unless Bug comes over to say Hi, which he does sometimes.

After I have been standing around a long time my rider brushes me.  Every time she scrubs me hard with the brush, which feels kind of good.  And then she says Oh no! Look at all this hair!  And she has to go empty the brush out!  Sometimes she has to go empty the brush three or four times!  That is a lot of hair!!  Then she puts stinky pink stuff on another brush and puts it all over me.  I do not like that as much, but she says that otherwise, all the dirt just stays on.  I told her it is a lot of work to get that dirt and I want it to stay on, but she just says No.  Then I get my feet cleaned.  Always when I am getting my feet in the back cleaned, my tummy rumbles, and I have to lift my tail and make a fart.  And always my rider says Thank you for that Huey. And I say You are welcome.

Then I get my saddle and bridle on, but I have a special new fly mask too!  It is a fly mask I can wear when we are riding!  I cannot wear my regular Wonder Horse Fly Mask when we are riding because I cannot see well enough out of that.  But my new Wonder Horse Fly Mask lets me see great and it keeps the bugs off my eyes and out of my ears!  And the best part?  My rider showed me:  It says HUEY in big letters, right across the nose!  So everyone will know, even if they cannot see my face!!  My rider says this is good, because any person would be happy to know that they had seen me, the Wonder Horse!  Also, it means that Elvis cannot take it and say it is his.  If it was his, it would say ELVIS in big letters, not HUEY, like is really written there.

It used to be, I would get my tack on and my rider would say Let’s go ride! and we would go into the ring.  Only, I always stop before I go into the ring.  I have to make sure my rider really wants to go in the ring.  If she did not want to go in the ring, and we went in the ring, it would be bad.  She always seems to, but you never know.

Now, since I got my Wonder Horse Warm Boots, we do not go right into the ring.  We go into the little ring and I have to walk and trot around that little ring for a long time.  Last week there was a frightening Plastic Monster in it.  This week, I know it is only a tarp, and it is not scary at all.  Today, I went in the little ring.  But before we went in there, I stopped, because I had to make sure the rider really wanted to do that.  And she did.  Usually, she says Huey, come on, let’s go in.  Today, she said Stop screwing around Huey. Get into that ring.  I think this is because I kept wanting to bite her when she was brushing me.  I could not help it, I was in my stall, and I was bored, and I have not had any other horses to fight in ages and there was my rider brushing away, and she was bending over, and there was her butt, right there, and there was my mouth.  I was not going to give her a big bite, not like I do when it is one of the other boys that is not Respecting me.  I was just going to give her a little nice bite, to let her know I like her.  But she did not see it that way, and she said There is a big wet spot on my pants, and I did not put it there, Huey! And I said I did!! And she said You keep your mouth off of my butt, Huey.  And I said Well, what about your leg?  Or your foot? And she said You are being a pest! and then she played with my nose until I put my face away.  So that is why I think she said Get into that ring!

Well.  There is something you have to know about that little ring.  First, it has grass growing around the outside.  And second, it is next to some paddocks that are covered with grass.  And today, there were horses in those paddocks.  There was Sprite and Pumpkin and two of the new mares, and they were all wandering around and eating all the grass they wanted.  And there was me, having to poke around in that little ring.

It was more than a horse should have to stand.  I stopped and said Hey you horse! And my rider said Huey! Walk! and I walked.  But the next time I stopped and I said Hey you horses!!  I want some grass too! and the rider said HUEY! and she made the rope snake touch my butt.  Then I sprang forward and I cantered around in that circle and for a few minutes I forgot about the other horses eating all that grass.  But then I remembered, so I stopped and said HEY! You horses!! and the rider said HUEY! TROT! and she used that voice I have to listen to.  But I said to her, Rider, it is not fair that I am having to do all this work and those other horses are eating all that grass. I never get to eat grass!  Except for yesterday for a few minutes, and whatever I can get from bending over really well to get my nose under the fence. But I want to eat all that grass!!  And she said that those other horses had already done a lot of work today, and that I needed to Get On The Stick and finish warming up so we could work.  So I did.

Working is OK.  We had a lesson yesterday.  I like lessons, because my rider is better at it when we are having a lesson.  It is all stuff I know, so it is kind of boring for me, but I have to spend a lot of time paying attention and making sure that she does not fall off.  She has not fallen off in ages, but you never know.  It could happen.  So I liked the lesson even though I had to work harder.  Everyone said I look good and that my leg is better.  I think it is mostly better.  The Wonder Horse Warm Boots help.

Today, after we worked, my rider made me do some stretches and then she put my regular Wonder Horse Fly Mask on and plenty of fly spray, which is good, because I hate bugs.  There was one on my tummy this morning and it almost got me in trouble because I kept trying to move it off with my hoof and people thought I might be kicking.  But I was not kicking.  Just trying to get a bug.  Finally, my rider put the brush there and made the bug move away, which was very nice.  And while I was getting my fly mask on, my rider was talking to someone about where I was going to go next.  Then I heard a word I knew.

I poked my rider with my nose.  I said You said grass.

She did not say anything, she just untied me and took me outside. Then she wanted me to stand around.

I poked her with my nose again.  You said grass I said.  I heard you say it.

She said Huey, stop poking me with your nose.

But you said grass I told her.  I heard you. You said it.

She said Please stand still, Huey.  We just have to wait for a few minutes.

I stood there for a bunch of minutes and then I said It has been a few minutes.  But she said it had not, it had only been one minute.

I poked her with my nose again.  But you said grass, I said.  I heard you.  You said grass.

She said Huey! Stop poking me with your nose!!  Stand still!!  We have towait.

But I could not stand still for any more minutes.  I danced around on my feet and I poked her some more with my nose.  You said GRASS I heard you you said it  GRASS you said GRASS!  GRASS!  GRASS!!!!  I heard it!

Well, I guess I went a little too far because next I knew, I was getting tied up to the hitching post.  And my rider was talking to someone I couldn’t see, and then Sprite came into the barn, and then Pumpkin came out of the grass.  And she was still chewing it when she walked past me.  She flicked her tail at me and said Ha Ha Huey!  Grass!!  And I twisted around so that I could poke my rider again and I said PUMPKIN GOT TO EAT GRASS!  YOU SAID GRASS, I HEARD YOU!!!

And then guess what?

My rider said Huey, it is your lucky day.  And she untied me from the hitching post, and then guess where we went?  Right.  We went right over to the paddock Pumpkin had been eating in!  And not like yesterday, when I had to wear my halter and my rider held the rope!  I could not believe it!! We went right into that paddock, and my rider took off my halter.  And she left me there!  By myself! To eat all the grass I wanted!!!  It was the Best Day Ever!!!


I made sure to taste grass from every part of that paddock! I do not know which part was my favorite, but I hope I am going to get a chance to find out!


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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