It is being a good day to stand around and talk today, because it is raining! It has been a very long time since I have had any nice mud at all in my paddock, but it has rained three days and there is very good mud everywhere!! Before it rained, it was dry. There was dust in my paddock, which I like because I can roll around and put it into my hair. This is good because I like being dirty. It is even better because, remember, wearing dirt makes me invisible. Well, it makes me invisible to bugs, anyway. And since it is looking warm now, there are a lot of bugs.
I hate bugs. I hate them when they land on my tummy. I hate them when they buzz around my feet. I really hate them when they are on my face or going in my ears. My Wonder Horse Fly Mask keeps them out of my ears and off of my eyes, but they can still go on my nose and my feet and my tummy. All day long, it is swish, swish, swish with my tail, and stomp, stomp, stomp with my feet. I have a special Wonder Horse Spray that goes on and makes the bugs leave me alone a lot, but it does not go on my nose. I am not sure I like it on my neck, either, so when my rider starts putting it there, I throw my head up into the air to let her know she needs to be careful. But even with the Wonder Horse Spray I still have to stomp them away.
I stomped them so much that one of my shoes fell off!! Actually, I knocked it hard against my stall trying to get out fast to avoid the Horse Belly Chomping Monster that lives in the door. But it came off because it was loose from the bugs.
I hate bugs.
When my shoe fell off, guess who was already at the barn? The farrier!!! Can you believe it? My shoe comes off, and the only person who can put it back on is already there! That is a surprise because the farrier does not live at the barn!! He is usually not there, either, but he was there when I needed him! The only thing is, guess who was not there when my shoe came off? Right. My rider was not there. She is always there when the farrier comes for me, but not that day!
She came later. She came out to the paddock and she was wearing her riding clothes, so I knew we were going to do something fun. I thought I should tell her about my shoe coming off, but she is a Worry Wart and I did not want to listen to a bunch of talk about how I should be more careful or anything. It happens, you know, shoe just fall off. It is not because horses want them to. It just happens. But I remembered what she said when Clay kicked my hair off, and when Elvis destroyed my jacket in the fight. So I did not say anything about the shoe. I just went with her.
We rode in the ring with the new mare, and I was very good and I did not try to beat that mare. I was not going to anyway, but my rider said I should not, because the other horse’s rider would not like it if I tried to start a race. So I was good. I did not have to work very long, either, because the dentist showed up!
I should say, my teeth were ready for that! When I was a young horse it was better, because I had more teeth. But some of them went away. Some of them just went away with an old dentist I had that I did not like, because he made my teeth go away. But some of them went away because I missed a jump and fell down and hit my face. When my other teeth grow, it makes it harder to eat hay, and then everyone says Huey! You are making such a big mess with your grain bucket! But I say I cannot help it, it is because my teeth are too long. I told my rider a while ago that I thought my teeth were getting too long, and just in case she didn’t hear me, I started chewing on her a lot. Or, trying to chew on her, because she does not like it when I chew on her and makes me stop. But she did hear me, and I guess she told the dentist, because there she was! We got to stop riding early, and the dentist said Huey! And I said Yes! And she said Your name is all over you! It is on your saddle pad, and on your fly mask! And my rider said That is so everyone will know who he is! And I said It is good that it says Huey but it should also say Wonder Horse, just in case anyone does not already know. But my rider said We do not have to tell anyone you are the Wonder Horse, because they will know that as soon as they look at you. So I said That is good. Then I stood around in the sun like a good horse, and the dentist worked. I do not usually remember much about that, because having my teeth done makes me sleepy. I did not fall asleep, but I wanted to take a nap, there with the sun and my rider holding the rope and everything. Then I got to eat some grass and it was a lot easier!
Then it rained a lot and made my paddock muddy for me. I do not like getting wet much, but at least the bugs do not bother me. And my rider came by and gave me some apple treats.
Then we had a lesson, and I was the Wonder Horse all over that ring! I said I would be the best at leg yields, and I am!!! Well, maybe except for Bug, but he does not count. Just like I am a jumping horse, Bug is a dancing horse. So he knows all this stuff like I know how to jump. I am just learning it, and so is my rider. Bug’s rider is better at this stuff than my rider is, so I really do not think they count because they have been doing this dancing for a lot longer. It is like if Bug wanted to learn to fly over really high jumps. Then I would not count and he would be the best. Or, well, I would still count because I am me. And he would be the Best Learner. So I am the Best Learner too! And we were great! I know this because my rider kept saying so, and Laura said so a bunch of times too. It was being a very good lesson!
I thought we could do it again today, but it rained even more and it is very wet everywhere! Usually my rider does not come when it is raining, but there she was, walking down the path and saying Hello buddy! And I said My name is not Buddy, it is Huey. And she said I know that, come over here and go in the halter. Well, she was not wearing riding clothes, so I wondered why I had to go in the halter. So I said Rider, we cannot ride today. It is raining and too wet. I might slip. And she said We are not working at all today. It is a good day to stand around in the rain and watch the grass grow.
And I said You said grass.
She did not say anything at all, but got me to walk into the barn. And guess who was there? You will not ever guess this, so I will tell you: it was the farrier. Again!!! Even though I just saw him when my shoe came off!!! I said What is this? And my rider said He is going to smooth your back feet where the piece came out. So I said That is good, because I like to have nice hoofs. And I went into the cross-ties and stood while my feet got smoothed. It was very fast. Then the rider, can you believe this, stood around talking for hours to the farrier. I hate it when she does this! A horse has better things to do than stand around in the cross ties waiting for a rider to stop talking to another person.
So I stomped my food on the floor a little. Not big stomps, because I did not want to get in trouble. Just little ones. And my rider stopped talking and said Huey! Stop that! but she did not come over. I did not want to scream, because I really get in trouble when I scream around my rider, so I scraped my foot on the floor. My rider said Huey!! but I did not stop. I just kept scraping. She came over to my head and said Huey, stop that.
I said You said grass. She gave me a scratch and I bit her finger, and I said You said grass!
She gave me a Stink Eye and went back to talk talk talk to the farrier.
I scraped the ground some more. She said Stop That. And I said You said grass.
Then I scraped the ground some more and she said HUEY but I did not stop. I said You said grass, you said grass, you said grass. So she said STOP THAT NOW. But I just said Grass Grass Grass Grass You said grass I heard you. She gave me another Stink Eye but I did not stop. I looked at Bug and I said She said grass. He said You should not be doing this Huey. You are being a Bad Horse. But I just said She said grass!
After forever, the rider came back and I said You said grass!! You said grass!! And she said You are right, Huey, I said Grass. You do not deserve any grass because you are being a Bad Horse, but I said What is there to deserve about grass? There is grass on the ground and there are my teeth. You said grass and that means you are going to let me chomp it. Let’s go!
She made a noise like the wind with her mouth, but she took me over so I could chomp grass anyway. It was good grass! It was very fresh, and it was wet. I made my nose soaking! And my feet were in mud, and my nose was in all that grass, and my rider was right! The rain does make it grow!! It was yummy!!!
Then, like always, my rider made me stop a long time before I wanted to, and she said You really do not deserve this, but I cannot just have it in my pocket until you decide to be a Good Horse, and she held something out. It was flat and round and colored like a jump, all red and white. Well, I was not sure what that was, but it was on her hand, and I swallowed the last of the grass so my mouth was empty, so I picked it up with my lips and put that thing right inside my mouth. And guess what it was?
This is the only thing that is maybe better than grass or carrots or apples. Or maybe it is the same as grass and carrots and apples. But it does not matter, because there it was! I chomped that peppermint and I crunched it all up in my teeth! It is a good thing the dentist came and made them nice! And then, because it does not ever hurt to ask, I said Rider! Is there another peppermint? And she said You be polite Huey! You stand there! And I said I can wait, but not for long. And there was! She pulled it out and took its skin off and gave me another peppermint.
I ask you, how could anything be better for a horse than this? Fresh wet grass, mud on your feet, and peppermints? It is a good week for being a horse!