It Is Always Work And Never Any Shows!


It is not fair.

I have been trying to be a very good horse.  First, I said I was going to be the best at leg yields, and I am.  Well, other than that thing with Bug, I am.  But I was having to work again AND the Hay Truck came AND it was very noisy AND full of hay AND I did not get to stop working so I could watch it and maybe catch some of that hay.  I tried to, of course.  But my stupid rider just kicked me and said Move On Huey! and I had to go.  Around and around and around and around.  And there are never any jumps.  Just trotting and walking and trotting and walking.  Sometimes a circle.  And the last bunch of days, I do not know what is going on, but my rider is not letting me pull my head around.  I keep thinking that this means Stop because usually she leaves the reins hanging around to whack my neck because she is not a very good rider but lately there is no whacking.  Other than me getting whacked by a pair of boots when I try to stop.

It is not fair.

What is really not fair is this:  that new mare got to go to a show.  She had a bath, and not like my bath when I just got my dirt off and then had to go back on my paddock where there is NO GRASS TO EAT.  No.  That mare had a bath and then she got a special suit on and had to stay cleanall night long and then went to a show.  At least none of the other horses got to go to a show. Except…when I was done work work working, guess who was getting his mane braided FOR A SHOW?

Right.  Bug.  Bug was going to get to go to the show too, but I had to stay at home. I just had to go back out and call Elvis some names.  He doesn’t like shows because it means going in the trailer and he does not like that, but he called me a bunch of names too.  My rider came out with some apple treats because she knew I was not one happy horse.  Elvis thought maybe she would give him a treat to, but no.  She only gives treats to me.  She put her hand in through the fence and I took one of them, but Elvis was mad and he stomped and called me a Name, and it made me jump a little and then my nose bumped the fence, and guess what happened then?

Right.  As if this day could not get any worse…I got ZAPPED right on the nose by that fence.

I said it was not fair, and it is not.

Well, then there was yesterday and FINALLY my rider said the ring was dry enough that we could do something Interesting, and what she meant by Interesting was doing some Leg Yields.  Well.  I spent a lot of time thinking about this Leg Yield, and when my rider said it was time to try them I was ready to go!   It took me a minute because I was thinking about some grass, but after that, my rider said That was not a very good Leg Yield Huey. and I stopped thinking about the grass and started thinking about the Leg Yields again, and the next one I did was very good.  And my rider said Huey! That is more like it! And I said Of course.  So she wanted to do some in the other direction too, and by this time I was going to show her what Very Good means.  And I did!!  We knew because the ring was made all flat, and no other horse used it but me, and so my rider could stop me and look at where my feet went, and she gave me a HUGE pat on the neck and said Huey! That was perfect!!  We were just sorry there was no one else around to look at our Leg Yield and admire it.

If I went to a SHOW there would be someone to admire it.  And admire me too.

We did some more, and they were all very good Leg Yields.  I have that down!  I wonder what we are going to learn next!!!

I thought I might get a vacation today because I had to work for a day and a day and a day and another day, but no, I finished up my morning hay, and here she comes, that rider.  There was a new horse that was getting all the other horses excited, and me too.  It is not really a new horse.  It is my BFF Tango’s foal.  Well, she is not a foal any more, but she is very young, and she is Tango’s.  She was born before I came here and she has been gone for a long time.  She just came back, and she was in the little pen I usually have to run around in, and she was yelling all the time.    It was all race around, kick the heels, race some more, stop, and make a huge yell.  What a racket!  I said to Tango, You should tell her to settle down, but Tango said She is not my problem any more.  Also, she makes a very loud sound for a small pony!

So all us horse were stirred up.  And me too.  Because of the pony yelling, but also because ALL of the other horses got to go eat GRASS.  While I had to work.

I was not happy about this, and I let my rider know.  The best way to do this is to chew on her.  She does not let me chew on her, but I still try.  That way she knows that I am not happy.  The only good thing was that I got a very good scratch on my neck.  It was not so good that I was happy, but it was nice.

Then, while I was standing around in the cross ties waiting for my boots to finish going on, Some Other Horse started up with me.  I am not going to say that horse’s name, because he usually does not behave like this.  He was getting his stall cleaned, and I was out minding my own business, and he stuck his head out of his stall because the door was open, and he said Huey!  And I said Other Horse do not talk to me.  I am in a Bad Mood.  But he said I am in a Bad Mood too because my BFF got to go out and I am stuck here.  Now this Other Horse is some tough stuff, because he is the Boss of a mare.  And that mare was outside, and he was not.  He always gets cranky when his BFF is away.  But I do not see why he should start messing with me, and he did.  He said I am cranky and I want to mess with you, Huey.  And I said You better not.  But he jumped forward a little anyway.  Only, the person had been cleaning his stall out.  He gets to stay in when that happens but I do not.  And there was the big wheel thing that the dirty hay goes in, and it was right in front of him when he jumped forward a little, and guess what?

It feel right over.

And it made a huge noise!!!

And that other horse jumped back a little bit and I said You are going to be in trouble now!! And my rider looked at this and made the noise like a wind with her mouth and she called to the stall cleaning person and said There went the wheelbarrow!!  So then the cleaning person came back and made the noise like a wind with her mouth too, and that Other Horse said I do not care.  I am cranky.  And I still want to mess with you Huey.  But the stall cleaning person said Oh, no you don’t.  You have to go outside now! And he did.

But when she was done?  He came back in and he stuck his head over the wall and started making faces at me.  And he said I am even more cranky now, Huey!  So I threw my head into the air and I gave him the biggest Stink Eye EVER.  I am a very tall horse, and when I throw my head all the way up into the air, it goes very high.  Higher than the Other Horse’s head!  And I said You better not mess with me! And he put his head back into his stall and walked off.  I said That is right.

My rider was watching this and she started laughing.  I said What are you laughing at, rider?  And she said Your head is so far up in the air you look like a giraffe!  And that was one major Stink Eye! And I said Yes, I know.  I am not a horse to be messed with.

But then I saw a nose creep up over the edge of the wall again, and Other Horse’s head followed it, and he said I am not afraid of you Huey!  And I put my head all they way up in the air again, and I gave him a Double Stink Eye!  And I said I am in a bad mood too, so you really better not mess with me!!  And he put his head back down, and then all of the people in the barn were amazed at the Double Stink Eye.  And I said He should leave me alone.  Let’s go work.  And I told that rider that I better be able to get some grass afterward too.  And then I did four perfect leg yields and proved it.

It has been forever since I had my mane braided. I like going to see all the other horses. And then beating them!


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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