Now I Am The Best Horse Ever!!!!!!!


Yesterday was not being such a good day, but today is being one of the best days ever!  Yesterday, my rider was gone for ages, again and then there she was when I was out in the paddock with a nice pile of hay, and she wanted to work. I was not feeling like working, and I said You were gone a long time.  She said I am sorry.  I missed you very much.  But today it is time for some exercise.  But I said It is hot and I do not feel like it.  But she made me go in the halter and get ready anyway.  The bugs have been TERRIBLE lately and they were even worse yesterday!!  I did not think I could hold still for all of that getting ready, but I had to anyway.  And then when we were riding, it was a lesson, which means I have to work HARD, and my rider wanted me to make a fast walk, but I wanted a slow walk.  Then we had to trot for hours.  AND this is the worst!  My rider through she should be holding the reins tight and using the bit a lot, and I thought she should not.  My rider said some Bad Words but she was not mad at me, she just said this is what she got for going off to play golf for days.  I do not know what playing golf is, but is not the same as riding horses, not unless those horses have lips that are made from rocks.  My lips are soft, and not like rocks at all, and I do not want that rider to yank on them.  So me and my rider argued all the time for the whole morning, and then we were both tired and I was sweating like crazy!!! I did not want to get brushed with my hair all wet, but the rider did not even try, she just took me outside and we had a shower.  That is like a bath without anything smelly, and without getting all the dirt off, and no combing.

I like the shower.  Especially since I do not get stuck to the hitching post.  When I get a shower, my rider just holds onto the rope and I get to move around as much as I want.  This is good, because I do not like to stand still.  It is also good because I found out that my rider will point the shower into the air, and that is like rain, only nicer, and THIS IS THE BEST:  I can put my head over that shower, and it will make a nice scratch under my chin where the bugs get me!!!  I cannot scratch that place with a hoof, and I cannot rub it on anything at all, so it never gets scratched!  I like that! Here is the not-so-good part of the shower.  Afterward, I had to get the water off my nose, and then my rider put something very stinky on it there.  I put my head up in the air and said I do not like that stuff, rider! But she said Huey, I have to put it here or the sun will burn your nose and make it hurt.   This is the least stinky stuff I could find, because I know that you do not like the smell!

Then I remembered this happened before, and it did hurt, every time I put my nose into my hay it was scratchy, so I said OK and I put my head down.  But I still do not like that smell.  But then we got to go eat some grass, so that was good.  We even got to go down to my special grass by the road, and we hardly ever do that!

Today, my rider came when I was still in my stall!  That was very early!  I said You are here early! And she said That is because it is going to be very hot again today, and I want us to get our exercise in while it is still nice.  So that is OK.  I was done with my grain anyway.

So this is what happened today.  I said Rider, I do not want you to yank on my lips.  They are soft, not like rocks.  And she said I do not want to yank on your lips either, but you have to put your head down and keep on the bit.  If you do that, I will not yank at all.

Well, I know how to do that, but it is harder to do that and I get tired.  But I did it anyway, and she did not yank.  Then we trotted for a while and then I thought maybe we would be done because we were walking.  The bugs were bothering me a lot even though I had my Wonder Horse Fly Mask on, so I shook my head.  The rider said You should stop doing that, because then I might yank on your lips.  I said It is not my fault.  It is all these bugs.  And she said If you are trotting you will not notice those bugs, and she made me trot.  She was right.  I did not notice the bugs any more after that.

Why not, Huey? I hear you saying.  The answer is this.  We trotted for a while, and then my rider sat down instead of going up and trotting and she squeezed me.  So I went faster.  And she squeezed me some more, so I went really fast.  Then she stopped squeezing me and told me to walk while we had a little talk.

Huey, she said. I did not know that you could trot that fast!

Oh yes, I said.  I am a very good trotter.  And you were telling me to trot faster!  And I am the Wonder Horse, so I did!

We walked for a minute, then I said But, rider, you were really bouncing on my back.  That is not very comfortable.  It is better when you go up and down.

She said Huey, I know, and I am sorry for bouncing on your back.  But here is the thing. I did not want you to trot like a speeding train.  I wanted you to canter.

But you were not asking me to canter, I said.

I realize that now, she said.  But I still want you to canter.

I do not know if that is a good idea, I said.  We are not having a lesson.  You have not ever cantered me without having a lesson.

It is a good idea, she said.  For one, I am going to be OK, and for another, we need to do it some time so it might be now.  But I do not want you to trot that fast and I do not want to bounce on your back.

So I told her that I thought that it might be better if we did not trot first, because that is where all the bouncy stuff happens, and that it might be better if I just cantered from a walk.

She said You can canter from a walk, Huey?

I said I am a jumping horse!  All jumping horses can canter from a walk!  We are very good at that!!

And she said OK. And because we were already walking, she put her leg back and touched my side –  none of that kicking and squeezing – and there we went.  It is much nicer to do it this way, I think.  And I was doing a Normal Canter, and she was cantering with me like a Normal Rider!!  No squeezing, no boot in the side, no yanking my mouth!  It was very good!!!!  And I think she thought so too because she said WOOO-HOOO HUEY!!!! and I remembered from last time that this means that same thing as “Keep Going!” so I did.  And then after we went around the ring a bunch of times, I thought she said to slow down with her seat so I started trotting and then we walked, and I got a HUGE pat on the neck, and my rider said HUEY! YOU ARE THE BEST HORSE EVER!!!

And I said But I thought I was the Wonder Horse.

And she said You are the Wonder Horse too!!!  You are GREAT!!!  Let’s do it in the other direction.  So we did.

Well.  Best Horse Ever.  That is really something you know!

When we went back into the barn, Bug put his head over the wall and said Hi Huey.  So I said Bug! I am the Best Horse Ever!!  But he said You are not.  And I said Yes I am!!  And he said Says who? So I put my nose in his face and I said SAYS ME! AND MY RIDER!! and I snorted at him really hard and I stamped my feet, just to show him, I am the Best Horse Ever.

But I forgot.  My rider was right there because we were walking into the barn, and she does not like it when I do that with other horses.  She made the rope snake bite me on the shoulder and said HUEY!! LEAVE IT. And then I remembered that she said this is dangerous, and I am not supposed to do it.

Bug said Ha Ha Ha Best Horse Ever, you are in trouble.

But I was not, and that is funny on Bug.  I got another shower.  And this time, my rider knew that I like to scratch with that water, so she put it up in the air for a long time, and I put my face right in it and I made my lip curl way up and said YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!  and then my rider laughed really hard, and then I got to eat more grass.  So this really is being a very good day!


It is something special to be Best Horse Ever!! Even if Bug does not agree.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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