It is being very silly now, and it is mostly my rider. You know I am teaching her to ride. She is not being the best rider I have ever had, but she is almost being the worst one. I have taught her to canter, and now she wants me to do that all the time. Always she is putting her leg on to say Canter! and I am not always feeling like doing that work! I would rather be eating grass, you know. Or I would like to be making sure that new guy know that I am the Boss here, but my rider is not even letting me sniff that horse’s nose. A bunch of the horses got to go to a show, but I did not. I thought it would be good, because then I could go eat all of their hay, but it did not work like that. I just had to stay in my paddock. The one with the dirt.
Even my rider was getting to go to the show! She told me she did not ride some other horse, but I do not understand why a rider would go to a show and not ride a horse. What do you do at a show without a horse? She said she had to go make sure the show was something we could do together. I said Rider, that is silly. I love to go to shows, and I am good at going to shows. What else is there to know? But she said Huey, I do not know if I am good at going to shows, so I need to find out. I told her I would take care of that, but she went anyway and left me at home.
So that was silly.
Then another day she wanted me to be the running over sticks horse. I said No. I am the jumping horse, and I jumped. And she smacked me with the Magic Stick but guess what? It did not work!!!! I did not have to stop jumping those sticks!! She said Huey, you should not do that. But I just said I want to. I do not want to run over those sticks. I want to jump.
And I did.
It has been a long time since I got to jump a real jump. All it is now is sticks lying on the ground. Not even logs. I used to go over very tall fences! Fences that are as tall as I am, and I am a very tall horse!!!!! But I do not go over those any more. My rider said it is bad on my legs. I said my legs do not hurt. She said if I was a jumping horse again, they would. Maybe she is right. When I was a jumping horse before, my legs did hurt sometimes. But I still want to jump!!! I love to jump!!!!
Today, my rider made me run over the sticks anyway. We were having a lesson. I do not jump the sticks as much when we are having a lesson, because then I will have to stop if someone is watching us. That someone will tell my rider the Magic Way to make me not do that. So that is not as good. But today, my rider and that someone did it anyway. I saw those sticks come out and I said I am jumping them again! But my rider made me go too fast to jump. You have to go fast to jump, but it is a special way of going fast, and this was not the right way. So I realized when I got there I was not going to be able to jump them and I did not want to run over them. And what happens then is that I bonked one with my hoof.
This is bad. I am not a bonking things with my hoof horse. If I were that kind of horse, I would not be able to be a jumping horse at all!!! So I do not like to bonk things.
Then it got really bad. We were trotting, and then my rider squeezed the reins and squeezed me with her legs and I found myself going very fast! But it was not the way I like to go fast, which is when my legs just move a lot faster. This was a going faster that was more work. I had to make my trot big instead of just fast, and I had to lift my belly. It was hard!
I did not want to do that. I said Rider! What are you doing up there! And she said I am asking you to make a long trot and lift your belly, Huey! But I said I do not want to do that, it is hard! And she said You have to do it anyway. It is good for your back.
Well. I ask you. I have been teaching this crummy rider how to ride, and I have put up with her flopping on my back and poking me with heels and every other single thing. And now, I have to do this too?
I said No. And to let her know I meant No, I threw my head up into the air! I have not done this for a long time, but it is a very good way to let your rider know that they are asking for something that is Not OK. I threw my head up and I said RIDER! I am teaching you to ride, and I do not want to teach you to do that!! You should stop!!
I thought she would stop then, because other riders have. But she said No. Huey, you are teaching me to ride! And one thing you are teaching me right now is how to get a horse do what I want him to when he does not want to do it. MAKE THE BIG TROT, Huey.
That is a shocking thing, to have this happen. I threw my head around some more because I thought maybe she just did not understand. But she just held on to those reins and she kept making me make the big trot, and she said Huey, you need to behave yourself. Stop throwing your head around. Now.
Well, after a minute of all that head throwing, it wasn’t making her stop making me make the big trot. And then I realized it was harder to make that big trot if my head was all the way up in the air. Besides, I cannot see through my own nose. So I put my head back down, and you know what? That big trot was a lot easier when I did that. The rider said See, Huey? You can do this! And then she made me run through those sticks.
I do not know what to say. My rider should just do what I want her to do, not all the time be making me do stuff I do not feel like doing. Who is the teacher here?!?!
So that is a silly thing too, that rider being tough on me like that.
Then here is the last silly thing. Yesterday, the V came again. I did not think it was time for a shot, and it was not. I had to get the poky needle thing again. But this time my rider had a huge pocket full of my favorite apple treats. The V was there messing around on my back, but I did not care, because all I could think was how to get my nose into that pocket. My rider kept bringing one out for me, and she let me lick her hand until I got carried away and tried to chew her finger. It was a mistake! That finger is the same size as the apple treat, and it tasted like the apple treat. How was I supposed to know it was not the apple treat? But I did not get in trouble. I just did not get to lick the apple off her hand any more. That was not so great. But it was interesting because guess who was there?
You will never guess this, so I will tell you: it was also my rider. I have not seen that rider in a very long time! She was not my rider, not like my rider now it. She just rode me sometimes. She is a better rider than the rider I have now, but almost all of the riders are, so that is not saying much. But it has been a very long time, and there was my new rider, and there was one of my old riders. I thought I was going to get to jump!!! That is what I did with the old rider, and maybe this was why she was there!!
But no. That did not happen. Instead, the old rider said Oh, hi Cosmo! That was my name before my name was Huey. Cosmo. It was my name for a very long time. So my old rider said Hi Cosmo! And my new rider said You know this horse? And I said I am not ‘this horse’. My name is Huey. And Cosmo. But they were not paying attention to me, they were talking. And they talked talked talked talked, and then my old rider took a picture of me to show that she really did know me. I said You people are being silly. That rider knows who I am, and so do you! But they still were not paying attention to me.
There was a lot of excitement and then my rider (my new one, who gives me the carrots and stuff) said to me Huey! You are really Cosmo?
But I said Huey, Cosmo, that is all OK. And then she said Huey, you did not tell me about this. But I said What is there to tell? I am The Wonder Horse. That is all that is important.
Now my rider is all excited like a foal, because she said she found out who my daddy is. She said he is famous. I do not know. I never met him. She said he is a famous jumping horse. I said I am a famous jumping horse!!! Then she said I am a dutch warmblood. Maybe that is true, whatever that is. She said it was a special kind of jumping horse, and dancing horse. I said I am a special kind of jumping horse! And I will be a special kind of dancing horse too!
That is because I am The Wonder Horse. That is all I know. I think it is all that matters. That, and carrots. And grass. And apple treats. And pink salt. And a new sticky ball, that matters too because I ate my last one. And being sure that all the other horses in the barn know that I am The Wonder Horse. That is what is important.