I Do Not WANT To Get My Face Washed.


Well.  My rider was gone AGAIN for AGES.  And this time it rained a bunch and it was hot and there were bugs and it was not ANY fun having time off. Then she came yesterday morning, and I said It is about time you were here.  I am bored.

She said I am sorry, I missed you very much.  I watched the big horses on TV and I thought about you.

But I said Why would you watch big horses on TV when you have your own big horse right here to ride?  I am bored.

And I thought we were going to do something interesting.  Last time we rode, she had a new game for me.  It was fun.  I had to go backwards, and I do not usually like doing that because there could be Horse Eating Monsters behind me, you know.  But I had to go backwards, and then I got to go forwards really fast!!! And then walk, and go back, and run forwards again.  It was much more interesting than just trot, trot, trot in a ring.  Or, yuk, walk, walk, walk in a ring.  That is really boring.  But this new game was good, especially once I figured it out.  At first, I thought my rider was saying Go fast, Huey!!! with her legs, but I have made that mistake before and it was not good.  So I would just walk forward.  But then she said GO HUEY GO! So I knew she meant Go fast, Huey! and then I took off.  

That was very good, and I thought maybe we were going to do that fun game again.  But then I realized she was wearing the right pants to ride, but not the right boots.  That was very confusing, so I said What are we doing today, rider?

And she said You know how your hock has been bothering you, Huey?

I said Yes.  It has been stiff and I remember when it hurt a lot.  It is not going to do that again, is it?

She said The vet is coming out to take care of that, but it is going to be a bunch of shots, Huey.

And I said I do not like shots.

But she said I know that, but these shots are going to make your hocks feel good again, so you need to be a Good Horse now.

Well, I am always a Good Horse.  Except for some times, maybe I am not such a Good Horse.  But mostly I am Good.  So I said I will be a Good Horse for the vet.

And I was.  I thought I was going to get shots in my leg, but the vet gave me shots in the neck!!  I said Rider! What are these…uh…what…hey.  I feel funny.

She said Those are Happy Juice shots, Huey, to make it easier for you to be a Good Horse.

I said Yeah!  Happy Juice!  Yay!  I am a Good Horse!  Good Horse Huey Good Horse Huey Good…Yay!

But then the vet went to give me a shot in my leg and I jumped a little.  I wanted to be a Good Horse, and I was definitely a Happy Horse, but it still was ouchy.

And then, I was not happy about this at all, the vet brought a twitch.

I do not like chains on my nose.  The people I was with before I was here with Laura and my rider made chains go on my nose.  I did not like those people because they did not know I am Huey!  They were not nice.  And the vet put a chain on my nose!  I threw my head up in the air and said No! No! No! No! Nose…uh…No.

But my rider had my halter and she said It is OK Huey, this is not a bad chain, it is not on your nose it is on you lip.  And it will help the Happy Juice help you stand still for that shot.

By then the vet snuck that chain on my lip and at first I was very scared but then I said Uh…huh…huh…rider…now I feel really funny.  She just said OK, Huey, I am not going to leave you, I am going to stand right here, next to you, and you are going to be totally still for this.  And she was right.  I was going to be totally still for that!! And I was.  I made a bunch of slobber on the floor, but I did not care and neither did anyone else.

Then the vet said the rider could take me back to my paddock because I was done.  She said OK and we started walking.

Well, all that Happy Juice makes a horse not being able to walk so great!  I bonked my rider with my head!  And I did not even mean to!!  Sometimes I do mean to, and then I get into trouble because I am not supposed to bonk my rider with anything.  She says I am too big.  And it could hurt her.  She is pretty big for a person, but she is not even the size of a small horse, except for Lemon Drop, she is much bigger than him.  But I am a lot bigger than her, so I do not bonk her.  Much.  But yesterday, I bonked her good!  She said Uh oh Huey.  And I said LOOK.  THERE IS GRASS!  I WANT TO EAT THAT GRASS RIGHT NOW!  Only I couldn’t make my feet go in the right order, so my rider said We are going to your stall right now, Huey.

And we did.  There was a little bit of hay, and that was good.

What was even better?

While I was standing around in my stall singing Horse Songs because of that Happy Juice, guess what happened?

My rider made a hanging sticky ball!

I never knew my rider made hanging sticky balls!  I thought they were not there, and then they were!!  Now I know they come from my rider, and that is good, because when I eat them, I will just tell her to make another one!!!!

Today it was good that I had a new hanging sticky ball, because it was very wet outside and us horses spent most of the day in the barn.  Usually we all go outside, except for Pumpkin and Topaz and Rooster, and that is because they have special stalls that are partly inside and partly outside.  But us horses with stalls that are only inside go outside for a long time.  It is good, because sometimes there is food, and deer, and interesting things outside.

Usually I get really bored in the barn, so I suck a lot of wind.  But then I have to wear the Collar Of Shame, and that is not good.  But when there is a hanging sticky ball I am not as bored.  Last time I found a way to show my ball to Peaches!  I worked hard to push it all the way over and then I said Peaches!  Look what I have!! And she came over and said Huey! That is great! And then she tried to eat some too.  But I said NO Peaches!  That is my ball!  Not yours!  You do not eat my ball!  And then we had a very small fight, which was fun.  There is a wall between us so we could not kick and bite each other, but we could call each other some names, and I stamped my foot.

I like having fights with other horses.

Well, with the rain and being in the barn, I spent most of today trying to eat my whole sticky ball.  I got a bunch of it, but not all of it.  And then my rider came and made me do a carrot stretch and squeezed my hocks where the shots were.  And then she said Huey!  Your face is very messy.  And I said I know.  I have been eating my sticky ball!

And she said I can tell.  You are wearing a lot of your sticky ball on your face.  You need to get your face washed.

But I said I do not want to have my face washed.  I want dinner instead.

But she said No, you cannot have dinner until you get your face washed.  And she got a wet cloth and started to wash my face.  I pulled my head away and said I do not WANT my face washed! But she said Too bad.  It is happening.

Then the other horses were getting dinner so I ran to the end of my stall and said YOU PEOPLE BETTER GIVE ME DINNER!! And the girl that was giving dinner said You have to wait Huey.

And I said I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT!  And when she walked by, I took a bite out of some other horse’s hay pile.  The girl said HEY!

I forgot that my rider was right there, until she spanked my butt and said HUEY! That was VERY NAUGHTY! BAD HORSE.

So I said Oops.  And my rider said Oops is right.  Now STAND STILL and let me wash your face and THEN I will get you dinner and if I catch you biting at any of the barn people you will be lunging for HOURS in the RAIN.

Well, I do not want to lunge for hours in the rain, and I do not want to be a Bad Horse, so I put my head down and let my face get washed.  The rider was right.  It was a lot faster when I cooperated.  And then? Dinner.  A big fat pile of hay in the hay net.  I tried to sneak a few bites while my rider was hanging the net, but she said HUEY. and flapped her arms and then I had to go to the other end of the stall.

I do not like having my face washed, but it is a lot less itchy without the sticky ball all over my muzzle. I will be a more patient horse some other time.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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