Oops.

Standard

You know when my rider said those shots that the vet made a twitch so I had to stand still for and I was being a very good horse, she said those shots would make me feel a lot better?

She was right.  I did not even know how good I was not feeling until those shots made me notice!! Now I feel GREAT!!!!!!!

And you know what I am when I am feeling GREAT?  I am a huge horse that goes very fast.  Going very fast is what you have to be doing to jump over the tall jumps like I can, you know.

I got to show that off the other day too!  I went out in the ring with a bunch of other horses and riders all day long.  At first it was not so much fun, it was not even riding, it was just Huey go this way, and Huey go that way, and Huey stand still, and Huey back up.  There was something the other horses got to do with some of those fake carrots like Clay had before, and I said Let’s go do that, rider! but my rider said We are not good enough together to do that.  I do not tell you good enough and you do not listen and do what I say good enough.  So we had to go back to our boring Huey go this way and go that way.

But then after I had lunch we all got to go riding in the ring.  I went in and there was my rider, and there was Noah, and Belle, and Dakota and their riders.  And, I am telling you, I was feeling GOOD.  My rider got on and I got all ready for my hock to bother me, and it did not.  So then I was feeling great!!  And I said to all the other horses, You horses watch me!  I am The Wonder Horse and I am going to be showing you how it is done!!!

But they were not really listening to me, and I could hear in the barn, there was Clay and he was laughing.  So we were walk, walk, walk in a circle, and my rider was moving around a LOT because of being told what to do and stuff, but I knew the moment was coming.  And it did.  When my rider touched me to say Trot, Huey, I said OK! And I made my fastest trot ever.  And we ran past all of those other horses like they were standing still.  And I said See, you horses!!  I am HUEY!!!

But my rider was not saying Good horse.  She was saying Slow down, Huey, that is too fast.  But I was saying There is no such thing as too fast. I am Huey! The Wonder Horse!  And I am one fast horse!!!!!  But she said NO. You are going TOO FAST.  SLOW DOWN.  And I said NO! I am going FAST.  And she said NO! SLOW DOWN!!  and then we had a lot of argument, and I am pretty sure I won.  And I did get to show those other horses how fast I am!!

But when we were done my rider did not say Good horse Huey! like she usually does.  She just brushed me and did not say anything silly, and put me back in my paddock.  Oh, well.

We did not go riding yesterday, but we did today.  My rider came and she said I hope you are not going to be playing any of your tricks today like you did before Huey.

And I said I am The Wonder Horse!!  I do not play tricks.  And I put my head down and blew through my nose.

Then when we went in the ring, I was feeling really good again!  But my rider said Do NOT go racing around, Huey.  So I did not.  I had some really nice trots, though.  And then she said Good horse, Huey!  And I was.  I was even a running over sticks horse, and I put my hoofs nice and high in the air!!  And my rider said Good Horse Huey!!! and gave me a big pat.  And I was a very good horse.

But then we had to do a ton of very boring stuff.  There were a lot of those fake carrots on the ground in the ring, and I had to walk in a stupid circle all the way around them, lots and lots and lots of times.  Too many times.  It was so boring.

Me? I wanted to run.

So then when my rider said it was time to stop walking around those fake carrots and go for a canter, I was very happy.  I cantered once around and we went fast. Then I had to stop so my rider could get some teaching, and then we went again.  Only this time I didn’t like what she did for the teaching.  She was trying to make me not canter as fast as I wanted to, and I did not like that.  But it was cantering, and it felt good, and I could not help it.

I make some little kicks.

And then my rider bounced very hard on my back and I really did not like that.

Then I don’t know what happened, really, because I am not usually that kind of horse, but I made some big kicks, and then I made some little bucks and some big bucks, and I thought that rider would have to come off my back and I could just run as fast as I wanted to then.  But you know what?  She did not.   She stayed on.  She grabbed me around the neck and shouted in my ear HUEY!!! YOU STOP DOING THAT HUEY!!!!!

And then I realized, what am I doing? I am trying to buck my rider off?  Like I am a Colt? Or a Wild Horse?

Oops.

So I stood there like a rock and my rider sat back up and everyone said What is this Huey! And I did not say anything at all.  My rider waited a minute and then we walked around and then we cantered in the other direction and I did not do any Wild Horse thing, and then we walked a little more and then my rider got off.

She did not say Good horse Huey.  She did not say anything at all.  We just went into the barn and I went into those cross ties.  And she took of my Wonder Horse Fly Mask, and I said I am a Good Horse?

And she gave me the biggest Stink Eye ever.  I though I had the biggest Stink Eye ever, but that is only because I never saw my rider’s Stink Eye.

That Stink Eye was so bad I felt like the littlest horse on the barn, even littler than Lemon Drop.

Why are you giving me that terrible Stink Eye? I said.

Finally she said something to me.  She said Huey. You tried to buck me off.  That was the baddest Bad Horse thing you have ever done with me.  It is such a Bad Horse thing that there are not any words for it.  And she kept giving me that terrible Stink Eye the whole time.

I put my nose out and said So what, you did not fall off.

She made the Stink Eye even stronger, and I pulled my nose back in case she thought she might want to eat it.  I was not even close to falling off.  Riders falling off is because that person is not being a good rider.  Getting bucked off is because that horse is not being a good horse.  You were being the Worst Horse In The Barn.

Oh. I said.  I do not know what happened, I said.

You should know, she said.  You are a big, old, wise horse.  You are too old to be freaking out and doing things like that.  It is one thing for the young horses to do that because they do not know better.  But you do.

Oh. I said.  But I am feeling really good like I am young!

Then she made the Stink Eye even more horrible, and then I thought maybe she was just going to eat me like I eat hay.  And then she said it, and I knew how bad I was being.  You will guess what is is that she said, so I will just go ahead and tell you.

You are NOT the Wonder Horse TODAY. She said.

I am not the Wonder Horse? I said.  How am I not the Wonder Horse?

You were too bad to be the Wonder Horse, she said.  Bad Horses cannot be the Wonder Horse.  Wonder Horses do not try to buck their riders off.  You did.  You are not even a plain old horse in the barn, you are a BAD Horse.

Then she said something even worse.  She said In fact, you are such a Bad Horse, than no only are you NOT the Wonder Horse, but another horse gets to be the Wonder Horse instead of you.

And then she said You know who is Wonder Horse today?  Clay is the Wonder Horse today.

Then I knew I was really a Bad Horse.  Clay? Getting to be the Wonder Horse?  Clay?

Clay was right there, and boy was he laughing.  He was laughing so hard I thought he was going to be falling over right there in his stall.  He just kept saying I am the Wonder Horse Huey!!  Me! Ha ha ha ha ha!!  You are not the Wonder Horse!  I am taking that Wonder Horse Fly Mask, Huey, and the pink salt, and the sticky ball!  You are one bad horse Huey!! Ha ha ha!!

I put my head down, and my ears down, and I stretched my neck waaay out and I said to my rider Please don’t be mad.  I just wanted to run very fast.  And she rubbed my nose and stopped making the horrible Stink Eye and said I know.  But you should not do that stuff, it is dangerous.  That was very Bad and I want you to be my Good Horse again, Huey.  We will try again tomorrow.

huey_bath03

I thought this was a pretty good Stink Eye, but it is nothing next to the one my rider can make! I am not the Wonder Horse today, but maybe I can be the Wonder Horse tomorrow. Or maybe not.

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About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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