That Is Being More Like It!


I am being a Grumpy Horse lately.

I know what you are saying.  You are saying Huey, you are not needing to tell us that you are a Grumpy Horse.  We already know that!!

But I was being even grumpier than usual.  It is right that I am grumpy because I am all the time having to stand around in my stall.  I am not even being able to go in my private paddock a bunch of the time because I get in trouble if I race the other horses in the ring.  It is not being fair.  Also, the weather is doing that thing and making the Wild Horse Wind and ALL of the other horses, they are getting to race around!!!!  All the horses except me, Huey.  That is why I am being grumpy.

Then I am being even grumpier.  This is because the other day it was nice and warm and I was out in my private paddock and my stall was getting very clean.  And then guess who went into the ring?

Right.  It was Elvis.

Usually I am having to go into my stall when other horses go in the ring especially Elvis.  But this time I was out.  And I looked at Elvis going into that ring for a ride and I said Elvis.  You better get ready for some racing.  I am going to beat you some more!!  And Elvis said You are not, Huey.  And I said Yes I am, Elvis.  And he said No you are not.  And I was going to say Yes I am and I will show you that now!!! Something very bad happened.

Someone spoke.  It was the person who was riding Elvis, and that person said HUEY.  And that person said HUEY in that way that I have to listen to it even if I do not want to.  And I thought How can that person know how to say HUEY like that?  And then I realized who that person was.

Yes.  It was my rider.  And she was riding Elvis righ there in the ring in front of me.   And I rolled my eyes because I wanted to beat Elvis so bad especially since he had the nerve to carry my rider around in front of me.

But my rider who was on Elvis instead saw that and said HUEY.  And then she used some Bad Words.  She said HUEY.  If you try any of your Bad Word with Elvis while I am riding on him, I will Bad Word KILL you.  You will be One Sorry Horse!!!!  I MEAN that Huey.

Well, I do not want to be One Sorry Horse.  And I do not want my rider to Bad Word KILL me either.  So I said OK I will not try to race Elvis.

And Elvis said Hahahaa Huey.  You lazy horse.

That made me mad.  He is carrying my rider and telling me I am a lazy horse.  But I could not do anything about that because I did not want to get Bad Word KILLED by my rider.  So I said That is one funny looking saddle you are wearing Elvis.  It has bumps all over it.  And you are one silly looking horse wearing that lumpy saddle.

But he said You are right and this saddle weighs a ton. And your gigantic rider isn’t helping any either.  Leave me alone because I have to work Huey.

And I had to.  And I could not even go in my stall, or anything.

That is why I was very grumpy, and you can see, I am right to be that grumpy!!

Today my rider came and it was windy and I can tell there is going to be a storm and it makes me fidgety and I did not want to stand around for hours and get my tail combed or something else stupid like that.  But my rider said Huey there is a treat.  I was so grumpy I said I do not want a treat.  I am tired of apples and carrots and hay and grass.  I only want to run.

But then my rider said It is not an eating kind of treat Huey.  It is different.

So I said What is the treat, rider?  and I saw she had something behind her back.  Then she pulled it out, and I jumped up a little because it might be something scary, but it was not.

It was the lunge line.

I said What are you doing with that, rider?

And she said it.  She said We are going to lunge, Huey.

And I said We are going to lunge?  Really?  We are going to lunge??

Now, I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking, but you hate lunging, Huey. You said it is boring.

And you are right.  I do hate lunging and it is boring.  But it is not as boring as standing around in my stall!  And if I am lunging, do you know what that means I get to do?

Yes. I get to run.  I have not gotten to run in months.  Well, I have run a little bit but it always gets me in trouble and I have to stop.  But if I am lunging then I can be a running horse again.

So it made me happy.  I said Let’s go!!  But my rider said Ho, wait, I have to get all this gear together Huey.

I could not wait.  We went in the ring and I was as good and standing still for as long as I could, which was just about long enough for my rider to close the gate.  Then I took off and trotted.

It felt SO good to trot!!  I trotted some more!! And then I trotted lots!!!  My rider was saying something but I could not hear it.  I was looking all over the place and trotting.  Then I looked at my rider and she was making the Evil Look and pointing at my butt.  I said You want to play Hide The Hiney?!?!  NOW????!!??  And she made a noise like a growling bear and put a Stink Eye on top of the Evil Look so I stopped and putt my butt behind me.

She stood there for a minute, not telling me to do anything with her body, but giving me an Extra Strong Stink Eye.  I dropped my head and said What is it?

She said Huey. I was talking to you.

I said I know! But I could not hear what you were saying because of the sound from trotting!!!

And then she gave me a Super Strong Stink Eye and said Huey. I was telling you to WALK.

Walk?!?!  She wants me to WALK?!?!?!  It has been ages since I have gotten to go anywhere and now I am lunging and I am supposed to be WALKING??  What is the point of lunging if I just have to WALK?!?!?

I said But I do not want to walk.  I want to run!!

But she said Huey, you have not been getting to run in a very long time.  I know.  And you can run, but you cannot run if you are going to act like a loony and not listen to me.  You have to warm up first. Or you will hurt yourself some more!  By the way, how is your owie feeling?

I said What owie?

She made that noise like the wind in the leaves and said When we go next, you need to WALK Huey.

I said You are a Party Pooper.

But she just said You are right, and if you don’t start listening to me, I will Poop your Party right back into the stall.  Now.  What do you say.

And I said OK I will walk.  And I did.  I walked, and then she said what I was waiting for which was Trot! And I did.  And it felt SO GOOD that I could not help it.  I made a canter.  And I made one canter and that canter felt SO good that I could not help it either.

I made a buck.  And I made a huge fart too!!!!

But then I realized I was getting the Stink Eye again and my rider was saying Waaaaaalk and I remembered I would have to go back into the stall if I was not a Good Listening Horse so I did.    And then we went in the other way and I snuck in a canter and a buck, but that time I did not fart.  I guess all the farts came out the first time.  And when my rider said WALK I did.  And then it was over.

I said We are not done?  We just got here!

But she said We should not be doing this at all until the vet says OK, but I knew how crazy you were going and I thought it would be all right to try, but I am not going to let you do too much.  I have to go check your owie under those boots and if it is OK and it is still OK later today, maybe we can do this again soon.

That would be very good.  I even got enough of my Grumpy Bad Horse feelings out that I stood totally still while I got my leg hosed.

And then?

I got a PEPPERMINT too!!!

Getting to run AND getting a peppermint? This IS being a good day!! I hope that owie stays OK and I get to do this again soon!


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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