Monthly Archives: December 2012

Sonnet For A Saturday Nap While The Snow Falls

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The lowering clouds a winter’s day make dreary
And the ice-slick streets the travelers foot lead astray
As the wandering spirit wends a long way weary
Through the endless grey and dismal day –
Until the sparking light of homestead warm
That welcome beacon of repose softly shining
And glittering with promise of berth from yonder storm
On the traveler for couch and counterpane pining.
Then does the weary head lay soft to rest
While silent snowflakes fall in sheets of white
And thrumming cat against one’s back is pressed
The feeble daylight trickles out to night.

The question rises up without a doubt:
Arise from couch to cook or then dine out?

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It Is Being A Very Merry Christmas!!

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First, it has been snowing!!!  You know I am a loving the snow horse.  That is because it like being water that you eat.  I am liking to put my lips on that snow and snuffle it up into my mouth! I am also liking to be rolling in that snow, even though it is not as good because I am having to wear my jacket all the time.  So I am loving the snow.

Today my rider came.  I said It has been a very long time since you were here, rider.  Also, you are smelling very interesting.

And she said Yes I know.  I could not come because of the snow.  I cannot drive my car in it and it is too far from my house to where you live to walk.  But I was missing you.

So I said And you are having some kind of interesting thing there? In your pocket?  Maybe it is something interesting for a horse?

And she said Yes, later. So I said That is OK.  And then she took me into the barn.  I thought it was going to be one of those standing around bored things where all I do is get brushed and cleaned and then sent back out to get dirty again. And I was right.  Mostly.

This is being a good thing, though!  My rider gave me a huge butt scratch and said Huey.  You know those pictures?

And I said Yes.  I do not want to make more of them.

But she said Well, Huey. A lot of people saw them.  And they said you are beautiful.  Everyone thinks you are a handsome horse.

I said They know that from making pictures?

And she said Yes.

Well.  I did not know that making pictures would let a lot of people know how handsome I am.  I just thought it was a boring thing to do.  But if it is making people know that I, Huey, am one handsome horse then you know what?

I will be making MORE of them!!!!!!!

That is because I am liking everyone to know how handsome and beautiful I am.

So that was interesting.  Then I was standing around being bored like usual, and you know what I saw?

I saw the ring.  I usually can see the ring from the barn.  But today you know what it was?  That ring was covered with snow.  It was snow that no other horse had touched.

I thought about that for a minute and then I said Rider.

And she said What is it Huey?

And I said Rider.  I am being a standing around good horse right now.  Yes?

And she said Yes Huey you are.

So I said Well.  I could also be a rolling in the snow horse.  I am not a jacket wearing horse and I am seeing all that snow over there.  It is nicer than the snow in my paddock because no other horse has walked on it ever.

I did not think anything was going to happen because she just kept cleaning me up.  She did get a huge ice ball out of my hoof, and that was being a Good Thing.  Then she was untying me without putting my jacket on, and then we were walking over to the ring.  And she opened the gate!! And we went in!! And then she took my halter off.

I said Rider, what should I do?

And she said Huey, I thought you were wanting to roll around in the snow.

And I said Yes I am!!!!!

So she said OK, go do it then!

And I DID.  I found a perfect spot, and I laid down on that snow without my jacket on and I rolled and I rolled and I rolled.  And then I got up and walked around and ate some of the snow and made some trots.  My rider said You look beautiful Huey!!

Then I looked at the fence and I thought it was more interesting when my rider was telling me to do a bunch of stuff.  But then you know what?

I remembered something.

I remembered that interesting smell.  And I remembered that it might be something interesting for a horse.  And THEN I remembered the rule.  The rule is No treats until the jacket is back on.

And I realized I was not wearing my jacket, and you know what that meant?

Right. No treats.

But there was my rider still, standing around in the ring and watching me, and so I walked over to her and said Put the halter back on please. I want to go back in the barn.

I think she was a little surprised!  But I got the halter and we went into the barn and I got dried off and brushed some more and boots and then, the jacket.

Well, that was it!  The jacket was on!!  So I said Rider!  I am going to do the stretch and there is going to be a treat there!

But she said Huey, there is not a treat there until I make the treat there!  It does not happen just because you are doing the stretch.  I make it happen!

This was very surprising!!  I thought it just came because I did the stretch!  But no!!!

So I waited a minute and my rider went to the stretching place and put her hand in the pocket and I made the stretch and there it was.  The treat.

Only, this was not a carrot!!!   And it was not an apple!!!! It was not even a peppermint!!!

It was something else.

My rider said it was a German Horse Muffin and that Santa brought it.  I said But I am a Dutch Horse, not a German Horse.  But she said that was OK.

And that is good because this treat was DELICIOUS!!!!!  It was sweet and grainy and sticky!!  And it went all over the inside of my mouth so that even after I swallowed it it was still there!!  The whole inside of my mouth tasted like that treat!!!

I said Is there another one?

And my rider said Yes.  Do the stretch the other way.  And there it was!!  I could not believe this!!! I was still licking my mouth even by the time we went back to the paddock!  The other horses said What is that Huey? And I said It is a Special Horse Thing, of course! Because I am a Special Horse!!

I am hoping that tomorrow is another German Horse Muffin day!!

You said Carrot.

Dear Santa

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I have been being a VERY good horse.  I have even be letting my rider do silly things to me.

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She says these are reindeer antlers for sleigh pulling.  I told her I am not a sleigh pulling horse.  I am a jumping horse.  She said you are being a dancing horse now.  But I am still not a pulling anything horse, except when the Horse Eating Monster tries to get my head.  Then I am a pulling VERY HARD horse!!!!

I had to stand still to get brushed.  My rider cleaned my jacket and asked if I had to work to get so dirty, or does it just happen?  I said I do not try to get the jacket dirty.  It is just between the mud and my back when I roll.

Then I had to get more pictures.  My rider said I was not going to have to pull any sleigh, but I was going to have to stand still.  The rider who rides me even through she is not my rider took pictures.  Everyone wanted me to look at her and put my ears forward. I did not feel like doing that, so I was putting my head here, and there.   Then my rider said Wait! I have an idea.  She gave something to the other rider but I did not pay attention.   Everyone said Huey! Look! but I did not want to look.  I thought it was enough that I had to be an antler wearing horse I was not also having to be a looking at a camera horse.  So I did not pay any attention to that at all!!!  I am being a horse with my own mind!!!

But then do you know what?

I heard a noise.

It was a crunching noise.  Not a horse crunching on wood noise.  And not even a horse crunching on grain noise, even if there could have been, because no other horse was being in the barn.

It was more like a horse crunching on a carrot noise.  I said Hey! What is that noise?  It sounds like a CARROT.  And the picture taking person said crunch crunch crunch.

Well, that had my attention pretty fast!

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It WAS a carrot!!!!  I surged forward to get that carrot!! And everyone laughed and said OK Huey you can have the carrot!

Well, you know how it is with me and carrot.  That is all I am being able to think about!  And I said Carrot! Carrot! Carrot!!! and I jumped around in the ties.  So my rider said We should be going outside for a minute.  And then you know what?  She wanted me to stand still.  Outside.  With carrots in my head!!!

You said Carrot.

My rider waved something under my nose, but it wasn’t a carrot.  I thought it might be, but it wasn’t.

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It was just the rope.  Then I remember that the picture taking person had the carrot before, so I said Hey! You person!  Are there any more carrots?

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Then my rider said Huey you are too excitable.  I said how can I be too excitable?  That was a carrot!  And maybe there is another one!!!  And she said Yes BUT you need to hold still for pictures and then get your jacket on.  Now quit fidgeting and move your butt out!  So I said OK but only one picture.  That is all.  I am being a good horse.  I am not being a dead horse.

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Then I had to go back in the ties to get my jacket on.  But the other picture taking person came in too.  And you know what? She put her hand out, and it still smelled like carrots, and she let me lick that carrot smell right off.

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So, you are seeing Santa what a good horse I have been being.  Not just any horse would be letting this kind of thing happen.  So I am a deserving presents horse.  And I bet you know what kind of presents I am deserving!  CARROTS!!!!  I will be waiting for you to be bringing me lots and lots of them Santa!!  You will be finding me in the barn with the green blankets on the door and the Magic Horse Protection Amulet you brought last year.  I did not get to have that on my door for a long time, and that is why I got the leg owie, but now that I am having it, only good things are happening.  Like CARROTS.

Your friend,

Huey the Wonder Horse.

Much Better Now

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On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love brought to me

twelve snowflakes flying

eleven ski runs open

ten powder stashes

nine wayward urchins

eight feet of falling

seven fan guns blasting

six chairlift buddies

five pints of beer

four Belgian waffles

three lifts a-running

two brand new twin-tips

and a tube of emu pain-relief oil

I Need A Fix

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As day succeeds day here in the Blighted Northeast I grow more and more irritable.  Europe has been getting all of our snow for the last month.  Now the midwest has gotten our snow.  They’re struggling under the weight of feet of heavy, wet snow – the kind that brings down power lines, the kind the brings down trees, the kind that causes cardiac events in people who need to shovel it.

The kind we know exactly what to do with in New England, because that’s the only kind of snow we get.

Or got since we haven’t had bupkus for snow since Halloween a year ago.

Ski season ended a full month early last year, and it’s getting off to a very slow start this year.  The days it’s been cold enough to make snow are in the sad, feeble minority.  The days when wet garbage other than snow has fallen from the sky are in the aggressive obnoxious majority.  The days when the conditions have been minimally acceptable equal 6.  The days when conditions have been minimally acceptable that I have not been otherwise irrevocably committed to things other than skiing equal 0.  The days when skiing conditions have sucked because of ice, warmth, rain, and high winds equals the days I have planned to go skiing.

I’m feeling jinxed, here. I’m sure that the owners and operators of the ski areas feel this even more so.  But right now, I’m too wrapped up in my own misery to spare them any attention.  It’s Friday.  I should be, at this very time, booting up in the lodge.  Instead, I am at home watching sheets of cold rain wrap out of the sky.

AGAIN.

I lived in Wisconsin for 6 years, and so I’m getting a direct second-hand recounting of this tremendous storm.  I’m seeing the pictures, hearing the stories.

And all I can think is “You lucky bastards.  Getting real snow from the real sky.”

I shared this sentiment with Roy, who simply said “You are an addict.”

He then elaborated on that thought. “The kind that picks up cigarette butts from the street and lights them just in case there’s still any smokable tobacco in the filter.”

You know what?  He’s right.  And I’m still jealous of Wisconsin for getting all that snow.  It’s easier to put a power line back up than it is to manufacture a wide-scale snow base.

My name is Lori, and I need to ski.