I Had To Bite Him!!!!!!


It is being boring again.  That is because it is being raining and making ice, but that ice is not bothering me!  I have my Special Winter Shoes on!!!  I had to stand still for a VERY long time to get those shoes.  And then I had to run around in my paddock for a while because they felt strange.  They are thicker than my usual shoes.  My rider says this is because they have a piece on them to make me not get a big ball of ice in my hoofs.  But they are also sticky to the ground!!!!  My rider says they have cleats.  The farrier said they are studs.  I had to get used to them when we went riding, because I cannot just go dragging my toes on the ground when I am not feeling like picking them up.  They get stuck.

We went riding and the ground in the ring was hard.  It had been making snow!!!  There was not any more snow, but the ground was hard like there might have been snow.  And when I had to trot I did not know about that hard ground.  Sometimes I drag my back toes on the sand.  This is because my hocks were hurting before those shots.  Now it is because I am used to being a dragging toe horse.  Only it did not work on that hard ring.  I dragged my toes, and they got caught on the hard sand! And I TRIPPED!!!  I thought I was just going to kick the sand up in a poof, like usually happens, but that sand stayed right there and did NOT move.  So I tripped.  I did not fall.  My rider did not fall.  She just said Huey, pick up your feet now.  So I said OK.  And I did.

That was a LONG time ago.  I know that because my rider has not been out to the barn in AGES.  She said she had to go somewhere, but then she was gone longer.  It might have been because the sky was making a lot of wet.  She does not like getting wet.  She does not like me getting wet either, but I just say I am a horse.  Horses get wet.  That is how it is.

She came out today.  I did not think she would, and besides, all us horses were having to stay in the barn even though it was not night.  ALL the horses were in the barn!! And that hardly ever happens!!  I do not know why, but maybe it is because of all the wet in the sky.  I was bored, but Sprite was even more bored.  And you know who was the most bored of all?

Yes.  Elvis.  He hates to be inside.  He says Real horse live outside all the time and their manes and tails are blowing around.

So we were all inside, and there was a noise and someone came in, and guess who it was?

My rider!

I said Rider! You are here! You are going to be taking me out of this barn now!!

But she said No.  I am taking you out of your stall and I am brushing dirt from you and checking you out.  But I am not taking any horse outside.

Well, I was sad about that, but then I smelled something.


I did not smell carrots until my rider came in, so guess what I knew?

I knew my rider had carrots.

I said to her You smell like carrots.

She said I know why.  But you know when you get carrots, Huey.

I said Yes.  After my jacket goes on.

And she said Yes.

Then she took my jacket off.  I said You should put that back on.  She said Why? I just took it off.  I said Because then I will get my carrots.

She made that noise like the wind going through the trees and said Huey.  Are you in such a hurry to go back into your stall?  I said No! What does that have to do with it?  And she said Because that is what happens right after the carrots.  I said Oh.

Well, I wanted those carrots.  But I did not want to be going back into my stall.  Also, my butt itched and sometimes I can get my rider to scratch it really hard while she is brushing me.  So I stood around.

Then do you know what happened?

Sprite was bored and she poked her head up over the wall.

I shifted around and stared at her and I said Sprite.  Do not be starting anything with me.

She said Huey. I am a mare.  I will start anything I want to.  And when I want to.

But I said You are only a baby mare.  That does not count as much as being an old gelding.

But she said I do not know, Huey.  I still think I can start something.

Then my rider said Huey, why are you fidgeting around so much?

So I said Sprite is looking at me.

My rider looked up and Sprite looked down.  My rider said So?  Sprite said Ha ha ha, I told you Huey.  I am the boss of you.

I said You are not the boss of me when my rider is here.  She is the boss of me.  And she can be the boss of you too,  because she is a person.

Sprite said Well, maybe you are right.  I am not going to try to be the boss of her.  But I am still going to look at you.

And she did.  The whole time I was getting brushed.  Sprite just looked at me and looked at me.

My rider said Put your ear down Huey.  I have a secret to tell you.  Well, she sometimes has really good secrets, like an apple or sometimes that we are going to be going in a show.  So I put my head down.  She said Sprite is looking at you because you are such a handsome horse. She is thinking you are cute. I said She is?  Sprite is thinking I am cute?  Well, I am cute!!  I just did not know Sprite knew that.  So I put my head up and arched my neck and said I am one handsome horse!!!  I thought Sprite was going to say You are one handsome horse, Huey!  But instead, Elvis started laughing at me, and so did Pumpkin.  And that guy next door to me too.  They were all laughing.

My rider said to me It is because they are jealous.  And she said to them Knock it off you goofballs.  And I said Yeah!  Knock it off you jealous goofballs!!  Elvis and Pumkin did not knock it off until my rider went back and gave them some of her Stink Eye.  Then they stopped, you better be believing it!  But that guy next door did not.  He said You should scratch my nose, person!  I said You horse!  You are not asking my rider to be scratching your nose!! I will be scratching your nose!  With my teeth!!! Just you wait!

Then my rider said All of you. Settle down.  You too Huey.  Well, I was not wanting any Stink Eye,  even though I was very bored.  Bored is not a good reason to be getting a Stink Eye.  So I settled down, and pretty soon it was time for my jacket and my carrots.  And my stall.

My rider was making sweeping and stuff, and I put my head over the wall and looked at that guy next door.  I said I have been eating carrots.  Are you wanting to come get some?  And he said Yes.  This is because he is not very smart and was forgetting that I had promised to bite his nose.  So he stuck his nose over the wall, and I put mine out, and I said Here are the carrots, dummy!  And I bit his face.  He ran away from it so I did not get much of a bite on him.  Then he said Oh yeah?  You should be trying that again, you are the dummy here!  And I said OK, I am trying that.  Come get those carrots!  And he said I am not coming for a carrot, but I am going to be biting you on the nose!  And I said You are not if I am biting you first!!! And I did.  Then he ran away again and so I made that clomping noise with my teeth.  Clomp clomp clomp I said Come here and get some more carrots!!

But then my rider turned around and said Huey.  I am hearing a clomping noise.  I am thinking that this is coming from you.  What is that?

So I said It is my teeth!  I am making a biting face!

But she said Huey. What have I told you about biting?

I knew the answer!!! I said You have told me I am not allowed to be a biting horse to you!!!

And she said Well.  Why am I hearing all that biting noise?

I said I am not biting you!  You are all the way over there!! And even if you were, you have told me I am not allowed to be a biting horse.  To you.  I am being a biting horse at this dummy here!!

She said Maybe you should stop trying to bite that guy’s face?

But I said Why?  I am a horse.  He is a horse.  Horses bite each other.  We are both bored.  What else are we going to do other than fight?  There is this wall here that makes us not be running around and fighting horses.  But we can fight if he sticks his head out and so do I.

She made that noise like the wind again, and said Huey, please try not to make him bleed.  Be careful.

I said I am a horse! I do not even know what that word careful means!

That was being very silly.  Telling me to stop biting another horse, and telling me to be careful.  My rider is so funny some times!!


Winter is being very boring. I am hoping spring is here soon.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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