I Am Being Very Wet!!!


It has been being very dry here for a long time.  This is hard on a horse.  It is OK to roll in dirt but it is better to roll in mud.  That is because mud sticks to a horse better than dirt does.  But when it is being so dry, there is not any rain making mud, and a horse has to make his own mud.

I am hearing you say, But Huey, clouds and rain make mud.  How is a horse being able to make mud?

And I am telling you.  Sometimes a horse can make mud by pushing his water bucket over on the ground.  I can be doing that with the water buckets in my stall because I have two of them, which is more than other horses get.  But it is not as good to be making mud in the stall.   Dirt makes good mud, but there is not being dirt in my stall.  Only little tiny pieces of wood.  And wood does not make good mud at all.  I will do it if I have to, but it is better to be starting with dirt.  So I am making mud in my paddock.  But the water bucket in my paddock is very huge and it is not easy to push it over.  I have tried but it did not work.  It just sits there holding all that water inside.  So I cannot be making mud with the water bucket.

But you are saying So Huey, how do you make mud?  And I am telling you, I use the water from the bucket.  I do not use it by pushing the bucket over.  I use it by drinking it.  And after I drink it, it comes out the other end and makes mud!!  If I drink lots of it, lots of it comes out the other end, and then I get lots of mud!!!!  And then I roll around in it, and it sticks to my hairs.  And that is good.

It was not so good when my rider came after and was brushing me and talking about how dirty I am like always.  But then she said Huey! You smell like pee!!!  What have you been doing?  And then I am telling her about making mud and then she is saying That Word.

You know That Word.  That Bad Word.


Yes.  And then it is happening, my rider is showing up and I am thinking it is going to be riding time and instead, she is taking me to the hitching post, which is being outside the barn where there are bugs and not inside the barn where it is nice and quiet and the bugs are not there.  Much.  And I am forgetting that the Bad Word got used before and I am wondering why I am on the hitching post, and then I am seeing it there, on the ground.  It is the HOSE.  And then I am knowing what is going on.  And I am saying Rider! I am not wanting a bath!!  But she is saying You are getting one anyway, you smell disgusting and you are covered with dirt.  And I am telling her that I have been working very hard to get that dirt on, and I do not want it off!!!!  But she is putting the Hose on my anyway, and then smelly foam that does NOT taste nice at all.  The only thing good that is happening is that she is squirting the hose on my jaw and right there by my cheek and neck where the bridle goes and the halter goes and it is always being itchy.  I was forgetting about that nice part of a Bath, getting the water to rub my itchy spots.  And then it is done, and I am clean, and my rider is saying Now it is time to dry off in the sun, let’s go eat some GRASS.  And I am saying Grass?  I forgot that I get to eat GRASS after getting a bath!!!!

Then I am going back in my paddock and Shamrock is saying Huey. You smell funny.  And I am rolling around in the dust to make some of that funny smell come off.  Besides, it is not easy work to be getting very dirty and I am having to start that job right away.

The next day, my rider is coming and we are riding, and then I am making myself all wet because it is being hot.  And the rider is putting me back on the hitching post and bringing out the hose.  And I am saying It is not fair!! I just had a bath!!  But she is saying You are not getting a bath Huey.  You are getting Hosed.  It is not the same.

And she was right.  It is not the same.  Getting Hosed does not make any smelly stuff and I do not have to stand around quietly for ages while my tail gets brushed.  It is also shorter, and it has the bit where I get scratches on my jaw with the water.  Getting Hosed is OK with a horse.  And best of all, it is also having the part where I stand around and eat grass while I dry off!!  And this time, my rider put me into the pasture and took off my halter.  I got to go naked into the grass!!!!  Well, naked except for my fly mask, but I do not want to be being outside without my fly mask at all in the summer because bugs go in my ears and on my eyes.  I hate bugs.  So the Wonder Horse Fly Mask does not count for being naked.

It was not being very long at all before my rider is coming back with the halter.  I am saying Rider, I am not done.  But she is saying You have to stop eating grass now or you will be getting a belly ache.  And that is meaning it hurts and the vet comes.  So I am saying OK, I will go, but after I finish eating all the grass right here.

But then she is putting the halter on my head while I am eating.  And then?



And then my rider is making a VERY LOUD NOISE right in my ear!!!  And she is saying AAAAAAAYYYYYYAAAAAAA!!!!! And I am saying Rider! It is a snake! We have to run!!! But then I am hearing her say OVER HUEY OVER OVER OVER OVER OVER!!!

I am knowing what OVER means.  It is meaning I am supposed to move over.  That would be away from the snake so I do that.  And then my rider says OH MY GOD YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!  And I am saying I thought that the ground was feeling strange under my hoof.  But there was a snake!!!

And my rider is saying Huey! There is no snake.  That is your lead rope lying on the ground!

I looked at it, and it was.  It was my lead rope!  My lead rope is fat and green, and it was in the green grass, so a horse cannot be blamed for thinking it was a snake.  My rider was not being angry, but she was shaking her leg like she had a bug on her belly.  And saying Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow.  And I am saying If you are shaking your leg and saying Ow, is that meaning I can eat some more grass?  But she is saying No, time to go back to the paddock.

When we went back, guess who was in the ring?  It was Shamrock!  And he was trotting.  But he saw me and said Huey! Watch this! and he started cantering and hopping around.  His rider did not like him showing off, and my rider said You are distracting him, Huey.  Move on.  And I am saying OK.

Then it is raining and the clouds are making lots of mud!!  I am going to be rolling for a long time!!!

This is me, scratching my face on the water.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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