It Was Not A Horse Eating Monster.


Today is being very exciting! I have not been able to go riding in days because it was raining too much.  But that rain was making lots of mud, so that is good.  But today it is being good riding weather! And it was.  Dakota got to go riding.  Hunter got to go riding.  And then my rider came too!

She took me in the barn like always to brush brush brush and tell me how dirty I am.  I saw Dakota and Hunter were in the ring.  And Pumpkin was in her stall but she was laughing and she said she was going riding too!  And she did!

So I said to my rider, Rider.  There are a lot of horses riding around in that ring.  We usually go by ourselves.  And she said Yes, that is OK though.

So I said A horse could really show some other horses what is what, with that many horses in the ring.  A horse could really show those horses how it is supposed to be done.  All those other horses would look at a horse and be very impressed by that horse.

Then my rider stopped brushing me and said Huey.  A horse cannot be showing a rider how things are done.  A horse can be doing exactly what its rider tells it to with a bunch of other horses like that.

And I said Maybe.

And she said I know I can count on you to be a Good Horse and not a Showing Off Horse.

And I said Maybe.

Well, I could tell when my rider got on and took the reins that it was not being a good time for a horse to be showing other horses how to do things.  And I was being a Good Horse.  I was being a Good Walking Fast With My Tail Up Horse, but it was Good first.  And my rider said OK, that is right.  And we rode good with all those other horses.

Then guess what.  Some of those other horses were cantering.  I have not gotten to be a cantering in the ring horse in a very long time.  First it was because I had that owie.  Now it is because my rider says I need to work out more before we are doing that.  But what is a horse supposed to do when hoof beats come running up behind and that horse is doing something a horse wants to do a lot?

But my rider said Do not even think about that Huey.

I said I can think.

She said You cannot act.  No cantering in the ring.

And I said OK.  Because I could tell that my rider was being one think ahead of me and she was not going to be letting me do that.

Then Hunter and his rider went over a jump.  I pointed my head at them and said Rider.  Hunter is getting to be a jumping horse.

And she said Yes, I see that.

So I said I could be a jumping horse.  And that is being a very small jump. I could be showing Hunter how to be a better jumping horse.  All we are having to do is go here and go to the fence.  I will be taking care of it all.

But my rider said No.  You cannot be a jumping horse today.  If you cannot be a cantering in the ring horse how are you going to be a jumping horse?  And then she made me go fast but then she said go slow but then it was fast.  I was getting to be one cranky horse there!  But then I realized something!  This was a game!!!  I like playing games!!!  This was the Go Fast Go Slow Game, and I am liking that game a lot.

But then it wasn’t, because I went to go fast by my rider made me stop!! And I said But it was the time in the game to Go Fast!

But she said You are right, Huey. It is a Game! But it is not that Game!

And I said Then what Game is it?  And she said It is the Good Listening Horse Game!  The horse that wins it is the one that is best at being a listening horse and doing exactly what the rider says to do, right away!  And when we go into a show, that is the Game were are going to be playing!!  So you show me how good you can listen and how fast you can do what I tell you to!!

Well.  I think I would rather be playing the Jumping Very High Game.  Or maybe the Going Very Fast And Showing Those Other Horses Who Is Best Game.  But I can be playing the Good Listening Horse Game.  

And I was being very good at it, and the other horses all went away and it was just me and my rider.  That made it easier to be a good listening horse.

Then, I was listening very hard.  And my rider was telling me with here legs Go fast now!! But then!!!

Right next to the ring, there was a HORSE EATING MONSTER!!  AND IT RAN RIGHT OUT INTO THE RING IN FRONT OF MY FEET!!! And then I jumped right up in the air, and when I came down, something went bump on my back!  THE MONSTER HAD LANDED RIGHT ON MY BACK!!!!! IT WAS GOING TO EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I did what any smart horse does when a Horse Eating Monster is on their back trying to eat them. I put my head DOWN!  And I KICKED out with my back feet, and I did it some more!!!  BUT THE HORSE EATING MONSTER WAS NOT GETTING OFF MY BACK!!!!  AND IT WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME NOT BE ABLE TO PUT MY HEAD DOWN ALL THE WAY!!!!  This is being VERY important, because a horse cannot be kicking hard unless it is getting its head way down!!!!  And I am FIGHTING with that Horse Eating Monster for my head and trying very hard to kick hard and get it AWAY from me!!!

But then I am also hearing something!!  I am hearing HUEY. HUEY. HUEY!  Something is saying my name over and over again and it is not sounding happy.  And I am remembering that Horse Eating Monsters do not talk, so part of me is wondering what that is that is saying my name.

And then I am remembering something else.  I am remembering that a minute ago, I had a rider.

And then I am wondering where that rider is now because I am wanting her to get that Horse Eating Monster to go away.

And that voice is still saying HUEY. HUEY. HUEY.

And then I am thinking that voice is sounding a lot like my rider.

And then I am also thinking about the Horse Eating Monster that raced in front of me, and I am thinking it looked a lot like Sparky The Dog.

And I am not trying to kick any more and I am not trying to put my head down, because it is my rider that is on my back and not a Horse Eating Monster, and I am standing there for one second.  And she is saying Huey.  That was Sparky!!  Not a Monster!

And then I am being One Embarrassed Horse but she is saying to walk forward with her seat, and so I am doing that.  And she is saying It is a good thing those horses are not still here, because you could really have shown them how to spook and buck!!  But I am not wanting to show those horses how to spook. That is not being part of my plan.

And for the rest of it, I am being a better Listening Horse, and I am NOT being a scared of anything horse.


I am being a Smart Horse, not a Spook Horse. Mostly.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s