I TOLD That Horse!!!!!!!


Well.  Things have been being VERY BUSY at the barn.  The farrier came and I got my hoofs done.  That is good because it was definitely being time for that.  It is very important to me that my hoofs are looking very nice, but they were getting big and making me trip.  I was thinking that farrier could have come earlier, but he didn’t.

Then the V was there.  My rider said he might be coming for me, but he was not.  Then she said he was coming for me later, and that I was not going to be liking it, but it was going to be a Good Thing.  I am getting those shots in my back legs.  She is right, I am not liking that, but she is reminding me that I was being One Wild Horse after those shots last year.  She said I was a racing around like a foal horse and a trying to kick the sky horse.  She said that is how I got that leg owie, so be more careful this time.  I will try.

Then, this is being VERY GOOD!  I am being a cantering horse again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have not been being a cantering horse in a VERY LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not a cantering very far horse, but my rider says I am being very good at it!! I know I am!!! I am GREAT cantering horse!

This is how it happened.  My rider is coming to get me early in the morning.  I was being outside all night because that is how it is in the summer.  But then she is wearing her riding boots and with that halter and saying Let’s Go Huey, and I am saying I do not feel like being a working horse this morning, I want to stand here and eat some of this little grass I found in my paddock.  Then she is making the Rope Snake bite me on the butt and that is making me jump and I am saying OK! We are working!  Because I am an arguing horse but really, it is being much better for everyone if I am a losing that argument horse.  I know this.  I cannot help arguing though.  It is just the way I am made.  My rider knows this and she says it is being OK because she is a loving her horse person and she is loving me because of my Spirit.  That is a good thing, because my Spirit is what it is, I cannot change that thing.

So we are walking and I am arguing that I should eat grass as we go, and that I should stop and say Hi to the other horses, and I am losing those arguments, but she is saying We are having a lesson this morning, Huey.

Well.  That is a Good Thing and that is a Bad Thing.  It is a Good Thing because in lessons, it is always something interesting and different.  It is a Bad Thing because the interesting and different things make me have to be a working harder horse.  It is being very hot now, and I am not wanting to be working hard.  Also, lessons are not as good as they used to be because it is only walk, walk, walk, and trot, trot, trot, and I am having to be a bending horse and lately I am also having to be a straight horse, and sometimes I am having to be a bending and straight horse at the same time!  That is not being easy!!!!  But I am doing it!!!!  That is because I am The Wonder Horse.

It was better when it was walking and trotting and cantering because I am very good at cantering.  Everyone says so.  And it is more fun.  But now when I say to my rider Let’s canter! She always says No Huey, we have to work some more first.  She says I need more muscle.  And I have to be careful of my legs.  I say This is boring.

But in that lesson, I was working VERY hard and trotting and trotting and trotting and trotting and walking and bending and being straight and everything.   Then I thought my rider said to canter with her seat.  So I started doing that, but then I remembered that I cannot be a cantering horse now and I went back to trotting and walking.  But then do you know what?

My rider was laughing!!!!  And she was saying Huey!  It is OK!  I did say to canter!!  We will go back to that place in the ring and make a canter.

Well.  Then I walked as fast as I could back to that place, and everyone is laughing and saying I am enthusiastic.  I am not sure what that is being, but I know that when I am getting to that place again, we are going to be cantering!!!!  And we were.

I can tell it has been a long time since my rider has been a cantering rider.  She is bouncing on my back.  She was not used to be doing that.  She said I am sorry, Huey! We will be getting better at this soon!  But I am so happy to be a cantering horse again I am not caring about a little bouncing!!!

So that is all being very good!

Then last night there were a bunch of people being at the barn.  Not people feeding us horses, just people.  We horses are all wondering what this is, with all these people outside.  Then my rider came in and said they were having a party.  I think this is like being in a herd.

There is being something good about my rider.  Most of the time, you can see, we are talking to each other with People Language and Body Language.   And sometimes we are just talking with Pictures.  But sometimes, my rider is talking to me with Horse Language.  That is not being very often, because she cannot move her ears like a Real Horse can, and she does not have a tail.  And she only has two legs, and some other things to hold stuff in, but those legs do not work like Horse Legs.  I can tell another horse exactly what is wrong with that horse’s behavior and what that horse needs to do to make me, Huey, happy, all with moving my back leg only a little.  And my rider can tell a horse exactly what is wrong with that horse’s behavior and what that horse needs to do to make her happy, all with moving her leg only a little, but she has to be on top of that horse when she does.  I do not have to be on top of that horse, I can just be standing where that horse can see me.  Horse Language is better.

So my rider cannot use Horse Language because she is not shaped right.  But sometimes she can use it a little.  It is only a little bit weird when she does that too.  Horse say Hello by sniffing noses.  I say Hello and Respect Me Now! by blowing hard at another horse’s nose.  People think their hands can work for a nose, so instead of giving me a nose to sniff, people will give me a hand to sniff.  That is very strange because a hand cannot sniff back.  Also, they smell bad a lot of the time, like bug spray or shampoo.  My rider sometimes will give me a hand to sniff, but sometimes she gives me a nose to sniff.  Her muzzle is not the right shape for this.  A real muzzle is nice and wide and has huge holes to blow out of and sniff with.  My rider’s muzzle is very small and pointy and has tiny holes in it.  I do not know about blowing out, because my rider does not tell me Hello and Respect Me Now! by blowing.  She does that with the rope.

Last night when she came to tell me they were having a party she went and and wanted to say Hello by sniffing noses.

And do you know what I found out?

She had Peppermint Breath.  Her nose smelled just like peppermints, any horse could know that for miles away!!

Then I thought maybe if she had Peppermint Breath, maybe a horse could also have Peppermint Breath.

But then, because any horse could know that, the small red horse in the stall next to mine thought maybe he could have Peppermint Breath too, and when I said Rider. Do you have peppermints for me?  He said it too!!!

I said You small red horse.  You are not supposed to talk to my rider.

But he ignored me.  But then I was hearing that sound.  You know that sound.  It is a magic sound, kind of like stepping on fresh hay, but different, and that sound only means one thing:  PEPPERMINTS ARE COMING.  And they were!!!!!  I chomped that peppermint up with my teeth and made it go CRUNCH.  And that small red horse put his nose all the way over his stall and said Give me one! Give me one! Give me one!

But I spoke to that small red horse in Horse Language with my ears and my teeth and let him know that he was NOT getting any of my peppermints and LEAVE my rider alone.  He was not respectful though, and my rider said You boys don’t damage the barn while you are sorting this out. And then she left.  Then that small red horse settled down and I went back to my hay.

But then.

My rider came back, and she was making that magic sound again, and she had ANOTHER PEPPERMINT.  And that small red horse, he is such a pest! He said Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!  But my rider gave it to me, like she is supposed to do.  And then she started talking to me, but guess what that dummy did then?  He poked my rider with his nose.

Now, I am not a dummy.  I know that poking with your nose is a Bad Horse kind of thing.  And I do not poke my rider with my nose.  Not much.  Maybe if I am thinking there is a peppermint or a carrot.  But I am knowing better, even then.  And this Bad Horse is not paying ANY attention to this and he is rude.  And I am jumping back a little and my rider is saying Ow and I am thinking about what to do. Then she is saying to the small red horse You get out of my face, Bad Horse!!  I am talking to HUEY not to you.  BACK OFF.  And then I am knowing what to do.

I am putting my head around the corner and I am putting my ears all the way back and I am saying YEAH. You Bad Horse.  That is MY rider and she is talking to ME and you are being VERY NAUGHTY.  You are not poking my rider with your nose you rude horse!!  You are leaving her alone!!!!!  Or I am biting you.    And then that small red horse is saying Ooops.  I will go stand over here.

And I am saying You are doing that.  And you are leaving us ALONE.

I TOLD him.


That horse is not going to be bothering my rider and taking my peppermints. Or else!


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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