Everything Is Scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


At first, everything was not scary.  It was just like normal.  I was getting brushed and scratched and then putting on tack and we were walking a lot in the ring.  The sky is being smiley today, and before, there was that wind that makes me be a wild horse, but then it was just all being very nice and I was having a lot of energy! Then my rider is saying Huey, would you like to go on the road?

And I am saying I am doing anything you are wanting me to do, rider!

So she is making me go up by the gate. Usually when I go up by the gate, my nose is pointing at it because I am walking in and out.  Sometimes I am having to stand there while my rider makes the gate stay closed.  But this time my rider is telling me not to be pointing my nose at the gate.  I am not being sure what is going on but she is making me walk in a lot of little circles until it is my shoulder pointing at the gate and not my nose!  Then she is wobbling around on my back!! So I am walking forward!  But then she is saying Huey, what are you doing?

And I am saying You were wobbling so it seemed like a good thing to be walking forward.

And she is saying No. Do not be walking forward.  I am opening the gate, not falling off.  But if you are walking forward while I am opening the gate, then I will be falling off.

Well, it is not being a good thing if my rider falls off, because keeping her on is being my responsibility, and if she falls off it means that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing.  So the next time I stood very still even though she was wobbling around a lot.  But then she said GOOD HORSE HUEY!!! And do you know what?  That gate opened all by itself.  And then she told me to walk out of it!  With her still on my back!!!  I do not walk through that gate with the rider on my back.  She is always on the ground when we are going through that gate, but not today!!

So I am walking out and she is telling me to walk around the barn and all the other horses are saying Huey!  What are you doing, walking around like that with a rider?

And I am saying We are riding, you horses!! Look at me!!!!

Then she is asking me to walk forward.  But do you know what is there, where she is asking me to walk forward???

It is the most terrifying thing!!!! Ever!!!!!!!!

You will not be guessing this, so I will tell you:  it is a road, yes, but it is not being just any road! It is being a SCARY ROAD.

And I am stopping, and I am saying Rider, I do not think this is being a  very good idea, this road.

But she is saying Huey.  This road is fine.  It is not scary.  We are going to walk down it and back.

But I am saying I do not think so, rider.  It is too scary.

And she is saying Huey, what?  It is just the road.  Look.  There is the ring.  We were right there.

And that is true, but it is not being the most important thing.  The most important thing is that we were on the other side of the fence!!!

The rider is saying OK Huey, you can stand still for a minute and look at the road.  Then you will see it is not being scary.

But that is not what is happening.  The longer I am looking at that road, the more scary it is being!!!

And then I could feel it.  I was being a scared horse. And you know what scared horses do?

They make rears, and they make bucks, and they run away.

But I cannot be doing any of those things!!!  I have a rider!!!!!

So I am doing the next best thing, and that is turning myself all the way around and walking away from that road, fast!!!!!

My rider is laughing, though.  She is saying Huey.  This is being silly.  And then she is making me stop with her seat and her hands and everything.  And we are standing there in the driveway, and she is saying Huey, be taking a big breath. And she makes a big breath to remind me how.  But it is not being easy to take a big breath when you are still being a scared horse.  But she is waiting for me, and so I am taking that big breath.  Then she is saying Let’s try that again.

I am not being sure about this plan, but she is asking nicely so I am trying.

But it is not working.  I am not even being able to get that far on the road before getting scared and feeling like I need to run away fast but I am still having a rider!!! So I am saying Rider!!! I am too scared of this road!!!  Something bad is going to happen and you are going to fall off, and I am not wanting that, so can we please go away from this road?!?!?  And she is saying OK Huey, if you are that scared.   And then we are turning around and going back into the ring, and I am being very happy to be back in that ring where it is safe.

But after my saddle is off and everything, and it is time to go have some grass, my rider is taking me to the road instead.  Only this time, she is being on the ground where she can not fall off.  So that is being OK.  But it is still being a scary road.

Then I am planting my hoofs in the ground, and my rider is saying What?!?!

And I am saying THERE!!!

And she is looking at that scary thing, and she is saying something!!  And I am hearing it, and what she is saying is this:  Huey.  That is a rock.

And I am looking at it again, and she is right.  It is a rock.  Rocks can hurt you if you put your hoof down on them wrong, but that is all.  So I am stepping around the rock.

Then I am planting my hoofs again and saying THERE!!!!

And my rider is looking, and she is saying Huey. Those are plastic lawn chairs.  You have seen those a hundred times while we are riding.

But I am saying That is different!!  When I am seeing those while we are riding, we are inside the ring!!  And it is being safe there!!!  These chairs are outside the ring and so are we!!!!!  They are dangerous!!

But she is saying Huey.  You are being silly.

But then!!  I am jumping to the side!!! And my rider is saying What now?!?!?!?

And I am saying THERE!!!!!

And she is looking at that scary thing, and she is saying something again! And she is saying Huey. It is a chipmunk.

And I am saying IT IS A HORSE-EATING CHIPMUNK!!!!!!!! And I am wanting to run as fast as I can away from that chipmunk!!!!!!  Only my rider has my head and she is not cooperating.  She is just saying Huey. Really.  A chipmunk?  They do not eat horses.  They do not even eat your hay.

Well, she is right.  But it is still all scary! Then I realize it is not the rock and it is not the chipmunk.  It is the road!   It is a Horse Eating Road!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is why I am so scared of it!! The trees are Horse Eating Trees, and the rocks are Horse Eating Rocks, and the chipmunks are Horse Eating Chipmunks!!!!!!  And I am telling my rider this, but she is saying something else and she is still not going with me when I am wanting to run away.  And because she is holding my nose, if my nose cannot be running away, neither can the rest of me.  So I am having to stay there, in that terrifying Horse Eating Road!!!!!!1

Then my rider is making big breaths to show me what to do.  She is even making her lips flap some and that is making the same noise I make with my nose when I take a big breath.  This is reminding me that horses need to have a lot of air to run away, so I take a big breath.  And when I do, I can hear what my rider is saying. She is saying Look, Huey.  It is being Horse Poop on the ground.


But my rider is making my nose go down to that poop.  I am not wanting to smell that poop from the horse that got eaten by the road.  It is scary too.

But then I am smelling it even though I am not wanting to smell it.  And do you know what?

knew that horse that got eaten by the road.  That horse was PEPPER.  PEPPER GOT EATEN BY THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!

But then my rider is saying something else.  She is saying Huey.  Pepper is in the barn.

Wait.  Pepper was in her stall in the barn and she was there while I was getting all brushed and stuff.  But I can tell how old this poop is, and it is from yesterday.  And I am saying If Pepper got eaten by the road yesterday, then how come she is in the barn right now?

My rider stood there with me and I took some more big breaths while I figured this out.  I thought about it for a long time.  Then I am thinking that if Pepper is in the barn now it means that she did not get eaten by the road yesterday.  Then I saw some more poop, so I went to see it too. And it was Lemon Drop.  And I am hearing him, right then, and he is yelling at some other horse back in the paddocks.  So Lemon Drop was not eaten by the road either.

Then I am thinking maybe this road does not eat horses.  And my rider is saying No. This road does not eat horses.  But sometimes horses eat this road.

And I am saying What?  But then I am remembering.  I have been on this road before.  And there is GRASS on this road.  Then I am wanting to run ahead and get to that grass, but my rider is making me walk slow.

And I was being right.  There was grass.  And it was being good grass, too.  And I did not get eaten by that road!!!  Now my rider says we are going to have to go down that road only she will be riding me.  I do not know if I can be doing that, but I will try!



About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

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