I Am A Handsome Horse!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is being one confusing day!  Most of my days are all the same.  I eat in the barn, and then I go out to the paddock.  I like to be the first one out, because I am important.  Then I get some hay in my paddock.  Then my rider comes by and brings me into the barn and I get the Magic Wand on my leg.  This is because I am being angry one day because some other horse is going into the barn first. And that horse is not being me.  And so I am kicking my gate over and over to let everyone know that I, Huey, The Wonder Horse am an unhappy horse because of not going into the barn.  Only then, my leg is being sore and now I am not getting to go riding much at all and I am getting my leg Magic Wanded all the time.  My rider says I am being a very good horse for standing still for the Magic Wand now.  I did not do that when I got the leg owie last year.  And then after the Magic Wand, I am getting to eat grass, but before that, I am usually getting an apple and sometimes more than one apple because it is Apple Season, when the Wild Horse Wind starts to blow.  Then I am back in the paddock and back in the barn and then it is being time to sleep.  I pee on my bedding and then it gets nice and warm and I lie down on it.

Today is being different though.  That is because it is not a Magic Wand Day, and my rider is bringing me into the barn and telling me like always that I am a messy horse.  But then she is scrubbing my hair.  I am getting clean.  Only not with a bath.  I am getting scrubbed and scrubbed and brushed, and then I am getting wiped all over with a wet thing, but I am not getting wet.  Just my outside is.

I am saying Rider, this is more clean than I need to be.  But she is not listening to me at all.

Then I am having to go into my stall, which is very strange, because it is not time to be going in my stall.  My rider is saying Huey. GET IN HERE. and then I am having to go in, but I am not knowing what is going on!!!

Then my rider is coming back with Things.  My brushes and stuff are coming into the stall.  And something that I thought was fly spray because of it smelling and being in a squirty thing, but my rider is not taking my halter off, she is making it go through a ring on the wall.  And I am saying Rider, what is going on here?  But she is not listening to me at all.

Then she is squirting my tail with that stuff.  It is smelly.  And then she is combing it just like I have been getting a bath, only NO BATH.  I am not wanting to stand around for ages while my tail is getting combed, and there are Interesting Things happening in the barn aisle but I cannot see them, being in my stall and on that ring.  I said Rider, I do not want to get my tail combed.  And she heard me, but she said Tough, Huey. It is happening.

I said It is not happening if I am not wanting it to happen!!! And I am moving my butt all the way over by the wall.  If she cannot find my tail, she cannot comb it!!!

But then she is on the other side poking my butt with a hard finger and saying OVER Huey.  OVER.  And I am having to move over.  And she is combing some more.  And I am trying to hide my tail again, but she is making me move my butt back.

And after a while I am bored with trying to hide my tail because it is not working, and she is saying The more time you waste messing with me, Huey, the more time you spend on that ring bored in this stall.  Well, she is right.  It is already taking longer than it usually does for my tail getting combed.

Then she is done with that and I am thinking now will be the time to go out and eat grass.  But no.  I am having to stand there in my stall on that ring and she is going out and leaving me there. And I am saying Rider!! Do not be leaving me here!!

But then she is coming back.  And she is carrying something.  And I am telling you, all this is being very weird, but then it is being very VERY weird when I see what she is carrying!!! It is the mounting block.  And I am saying Rider.  But I am not knowing what else to say.  How can we be riding in my stall?  How can she be riding when I am not wearing my saddle?  I am not understanding this at all.  But she sets the block down near my head, where it is not useful for getting up on my back.  And she puts a little bag down on it, but it is not the good kind of bag, the kind of bag that is having treats. It is not smelling like treats at all.

Then she is squirting the stuff on my mane and combing it.  I like getting my mane combed because it is like getting a big scratch on my crest, and my crest is always itchy.  So combing is being a good thing on my neck even if I am not liking it on my butt.   And I am thinking it will be comb, comb, comb and then eating grass, but it is not.  It is combing, but then she is messing with my mane and tugging on it.  And messing with the little bag and messing some more with my mane.

I said Rider. What is this?  And I twisted my head around good like I was doing a carrot stretch, and I am looking at her.  But she is not looking at me, she is looking at my mane, and saying Hold still, Huey.

Well.  I am seeing what she is doing there!!!!!  And you will not be believing what I am seeing!!!!!!!

I am seeing braids.

That is right.  My rider is back there braiding my mane.

I am thinking before that I am one confused horse but I was not being right!  NOW I am being one confused horse.  I am saying Rider!  You are making BRAIDS?!!??!  What for are you making those braids?!?!?!?

I am not being a happy horse, either.  I am being a worried horse.  That is because I am knowing what braids in my mane mean.  They mean GOING TO A SHOW.  But we cannot be going to a show!!!!!!  My rider is not knowing how to jump!!!!!!!  How can I be going into a show with a rider who is not knowing how to jump!!!!  This is going to be one very bad thing.  But also, how can we be going to a show when we are not even riding since I kicked that fence?!?!?!

I am worried that my rider is going to be taking me to a show when we can’t ride and we can’t jump.  This is not a good thing.

But my rider is saying Huey.  We are going to a show, right here, but we are not riding.  All you are having to do is stand around and look handsome.  And you are very good at that!!  The braids are to make you look more handsome.  Tomorrow we are getting pictures made.  You are getting dressed up and I am getting dressed up and then everyone will be able to see us and say Look at that handsome horse with his rider.  Just let me braid your mane.

I am not knowing what is being these pictures.  But I am knowing all about looking good for people and making people say Look at that handsome horse with his rider.  I am knowing that  a lot.  This is because I am a very handsome horse.  And my rider is saying Really Huey.  All you have to do is look nice.  Nothing else.  No jumping and no riding, just looking nice.

I can be doing that.  And I can be being a helpful horse, because I am knowing that because I, Huey, am very tall it is making riders tired when they are braiding my mane.  And because I am not a bad horse not like some horses I can be thinking of, I am not putting my head in the air.  I am putting it down.  My rider is saying Huey! Thank you, you helpful horse!!  And she is getting on with it.

It has been being a very long time since my mane has been getting braided.  It has not been getting braided since before this rider became my rider.  That is a very very long time.  But it used to be getting braided all the time!! For me to be going in shows, and having everyone say Look at that amazing jumping horse!! Look at that handsome horse!!  Because I am very handsome.  And I am a very good jumping horse.

Then I got all braided and went to be eating some grass, and going out in my paddock.  My rider is saying Huey, please try to keep clean and do not be taking out your braids tonight.  But I am not saying anything.  If my rider can be putting some braids in, she can be putting more braids in if they are falling out.  And I am being one very handsome horse.


This is me being a dirty not braided horse. My rider is saying that we will be having good pictures soon.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner Oldsmobile...it will take you right there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s