That Was Being A Very Good Joke!!!!!!


Well, it is being winter now, any you know what that is meaning. It is meaning that everything is boring, and there is not any riding, and the grass is being very dry and not tasty. But I am having good news, and that is I am not getting ZAPPED! I am having to get stinky stuff on my hairs but it is good because that is meaning NO ZAPS. And the ground is being hard now, that is why there is not any riding, but sometimes, it is being soft.  And then you know what there is?

Mud.  Lots and lots and lots of mud!!  I am a rolling in the mud horse almost every day now!!!!

My rider is telling me I am a dirty piggy horse, but I am not caring!!  It is not so bad only being brushed and not going riding if I am going back out into my paddock and getting to roll in lots of mud!  So even though it is boring, I am not being an unhappy horse.

Today my rider was standing around talking and I got to eat some grass.  It was not being very nice grass, but it was being grass that usually I am not allowed to be eating!  My rider says it is not like the other grass where I am eating it every chance I get.  This grass is being lawn and it is for looking at and walking on, not for eating.  Some of the little horses get to be eating the lawn but I am a big horse, and it is not being a place where I graze.

So I am eating the lawn because my rider is talking, but then I am having to go in the barn and get brushed all over, and all my nice mud is being taken off.  But mostly there is being a treat after the brushing, so I am being a good and patient horse, even though the mares outside were running around and kicking each other.  They were having a really fun fight!!!!!!  I have not been able to have a good fight in a really long time.  I was wanting to go out and fight with those horses, but they are mares and so this is not being the smartest thing, even I am knowing that.  So I am patient and not squirming, and then we are being done, and there is being an apple and two carrots.  That is being very good.  Then I am having to go back into my paddock.

This is not being my usual paddock.  It is being a HUGE one with LOTS of grass and LOTS of mud.  I am liking this new paddock!  But today, I am going in my paddock and I am looking at the lawn and I am having a thought.  And that thought is being that the gate on this paddock is very big and my rider is not being good with this kind of special gate, and I am thinking she might not be closing it after us so that it might still be being open when I get my halter off.

And it WAS.

So my rider is going to the gate to close it, but I am getting there FIRST!!!  That is because I am a big, smart, fast horse.  And I am going right back out that gate!!!  And my rider is saying What?  Huey?  but I am not listening.  I am looking at the lawn and I am going to eat it.  But before I am going to be a lawn eating horse, I am going to be a TROTTING horse!!!  This is because that lawn is feeling very good under my hoofs!!   It is being soft, and springy!!  So now I am a trotting on the lawn horse!  And my rider is saying Huey!

But then, the other horses are seeing me, and I am making a very good trot for them!!  And Clay is racing to the fence and saying HUEY IS RUNNING AROUND!!! GO HUEY GO!!!!!  And the other horses are racing to the fence and saying Huey! Huey! Huey! Huey!  And I am being one proud horse, because I am knowing everyone thinks I am beautiful.

And my rider is saying Huey.  What are you doing!  And I am eating some of the lawn and then I am running away some more!  And my rider is walking towards me, but she is not even having the halter!  And if she is not having the halter, I am not having to stop and stand still and go into that halter.

My rider is not having the halter, but she is having a Stink Eye.  And I am telling you, any horse knows that Stink Eye.  It is a big, bad Stink Eye.  No horse in the barn has a badder Stink Eye than my rider.  And she is making that Stink Eye right at me.  I was going to run some more, but she made that Stink Eye fly through the air, and it landed on my shoulder, and it kept me from running away!!!!  I am telling you, it is a very bad Stink Eye to be doing something like that to a horse.

Then my rider is grabbing the collar of my jacket.  I am forgetting all about that, and I am thinking I will just walk that other way, but she is holding on to that jacket.  My rider is being a bigger person than a lot of people are, so I am not just doing whatever I am wanting to do when she is holding on to something that is on me too.  I am not being able to move exactly where I am wanting to go.  The other horses are saying Huey, run!! But I am not being able to do that!

Then my rider is saying HUEY.  And it is being that HUEY that I am having to listen to even if I am not wanting to.  And then she is moving her body, and her body is saying that she is NOT BEING HAPPY with me, and now I am feeling bad!!  I am feeling like I am being a Bad Horse.  And I am not wanting to be a Bad Horse because really, I am a Good Horse.  And she is not saying it with words that I am being a Bad Horse, but I am knowing that this is what she is meaning.  And I am looking at her because now I am not knowing what to do.  And she is putting her hand out and making a point with it and saying GET BACK IN THERE.

And I am not being a Bad Horse any more, and I am being a happy horse that I am knowing exactly what to do, and that is to be going right back into my paddock horse.  And so I did.  I walked into my paddock and my rider put the gate up, and I was being a disgraced horse so I am going over to a corner and putting my head down.  And the other horses are saying That was good, Huey!!  But I am knowing it was not good.  Then I am walking back over to my rider, and she is putting her hand out for my nose, and she is saying Huey, that was one good joke, you naughty horse!  And then I am saying It was being a very good joke, rider!!!  And then my rider is fixing the lawn and it is all being OK.  It was a good joke!



About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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