This Is Not Being My Fault!!!!!!!


It has been being a very long time since I am talking to you.  That is because there is not anything going on.  It is winter, and there is being snow, but there is no riding, and there is no eating grass, and there is no playing around because the ground is being lumpy and hard and slippery.  Even if you are a horse with Special Shoes like me, which are helping to make the ground not so slippery.  Also, my rider is not even being around much.  That is OK because when she is here, it is just me standing around in the barn getting brushed, which is boring.  But it is not OK because when I am done getting brushed, I am supposed to be having a treat.  And if there is not getting brushed, there is not being any treat.

I was standing around in my paddock like always now and I felt something on my foot.  It was my shoe.  I am saying That is being strange.  I am not usually feeling my shoe.  But it was wiggling around, so I stamped hard to make it stop wiggling around.  And then do you know what happened?

It fell off.

That is right.  My shoe came off.  There it was on the snow, being off, and there was my foot not having any no-slip things on it, and I am not being a happy horse about this, so I am pawing snow on top of that shoe.  I pawed snow there until I could not see that shoe any more.  Then I am waiting around for someone to tell that my shoe is gone.  I waited a long time, too, because everyone is coming and going all the time now at the barn.  But then I am telling someone, and they are saying Oh, Huey.

And then later, my rider is showing up at last.  And she is saying Huey!! And I am saying Rider!!!!  You are here!!!!!!!  And she is saying Oh Huey.  And I am saying Where is my treat?

I am smelling it.  She is having a carrot.  I am knowing this because I am not being a dumb horse.  I am knowing about pockets!!!!!!  And she is saying Huey, do not be taking your shoes off.  And I am saying I am not taking my shoe off!  It is falling off!!! And then I am getting that carrot, and then I am having to stand around for a very long time getting another shoe put on.  It is taking longer because I cannot see my shoe in the snow, and no one else is being able to see it either!!!  So I am having a brand new shoe.  And that is taking longer than putting an old shoe on.

Then my rider is taking me out to the paddock.  And Soda Pop is there next to my paddock.  My rider gave me another carrot.  Then Soda Pop started talking to my rider, which he should not be doing, because that is my rider, it is not his rider.  Soda Pop does not have a rider.  And what is being worse is that he is telling my rider that she should be having a treat for him, too.  But she is saying No, Soda Pop, only for Huey.  And then she is saying Good bye Buddy! And I am saying My name is not Buddy, it is Huey.  But she is just laughing, and walking off.

I am going to eat hay, but Soda Pop is saying things over in his paddock.  I cannot hear them, but he is not shutting up.  He is making noise.  So I am saying Soda Pop, what are you talking about?

And he is saying If you want to know, Huey, you need to come over here so I can tell you.

So I am walking over there, and saying What is it?  But he is not saying anything.  He is biting my face.  I am saying OW!!! STOP THAT!!!!  But he is saying that is for me getting a treat and him not getting a treat.

And I am being a mad horse because what stupid horse is just biting another horse on the face for no reason?  He is such a stupid horse he does not even know how to play right!!  And I am saying Soda Pop, that is not right!!!  And he is just laughing.  And then I am saying, Soda Pop, there is a reason that you do not have a rider!!!! It is because you are a Bad Horse!  And then do you know what he is doing?

He is hitting me in the eye!!!!!!!  What a Bad Horse, hitting another horse in the eye like that!!!

Then I am screaming at him, because I have never met such a Bad Horse, ever, but I am not being able to teach him a lesson because my eye is hurting and it is getting all fat.  My eye is squeezing itself shut!!

That Bad Horse! He hit me and made my eye fat!!!!!!  I would kick him like crazy except I do not want to be touching that fence because it will be zapping me.  So I am just calling him a bunch of names, that bad riderless horse.  He is not deserving to have any rider!!!!!

Then Laura is finding me and saying Oh Huey.  People are saying Oh Huey a lot today.  Then she is putting some sting stuff on my eye, and I am going into my stall and having dinner.  But my eye is still fat.

Then it was nighttime, and then it was morning and I am out in my paddock, and guess who is walking up?

That is right.  It was my rider.  Two days in a row!

And she is saying Oh Huey too!!  And I am getting the halter on, and we are walking out, and then I am jumping!  And she is saying What???  And I am saying THE FENCE IS GOING TO EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is because it is on the ground like a snake, and it is making a zap noise, and I am knowing that it is going to be eating me!! And I am not seeing so well out of my fat eye because it is squeezed shut and so everything is more scary.  But she is saying Oh Huey.  It is just the fence.  It is not eating anyone.  And I am saying IT IS TOO!!!!!  And then she is making the noise like the wind in the leaves, and saying Let’s go to the barn.  Tell me what happened to you eye.  And I am saying Soda Pop is a Bad Horse.  And then we are in the barn, and she is not putting sting stuff on my eye.  Guess what she is putting on my eye???


That is right.  She is putting snow in a thing and putting the thing on my eye.  At first I am saying I do not want my fat eye to be touched.  But then I am realizing that the snow is feeling good, so I am putting my head down for a while, and it is feeling a little better.  I am seeing more from the fat eye too.

I hope that fat eye goes away soon and I can see everything that I am used to seeing.

And Soda Pop is a Very Bad Horse.  I am knowing it!!!!



About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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