Monthly Archives: May 2014

Horse Kisses

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I am feeling like One Great Horse now!  There is being a lot of Wild Horse wind, and I am getting to roll around in a lot of dirt and making my Horse Magic to make those bugs go away, and Rocket is not getting to eat any of my hay. He is trying to do this, but I am not letting him!!  I am making a big Stink Eye, and putting my ears right back, and he is saying Whoops! Huey! I am sorry!  I will not try to eat your hay!!!  And then, being the best, he is forgetting this a bunch of times, which is meaning that I can be making that Stink Eye and putting my ears back many times in every day. I am not supposed to be doing this to any of the humans here.  It is only being OK if it is another horse.  If I am doing this to humans I am getting into Big Trouble!!!!  I am not being a dummy, so I am not doing this, only to Rocket.

Today my rider is there, and she is wearing the right pants and the right boots for riding.  And I am saying Rider! You are here! And she is saying Yes Huey! But then she is taking me to the Round Pen.

I do not like the Round Pen.  Being in the Round Pen means that I am being a Bad Horse.  I am having to walk around that Pen and I am having to pay total attention to my rider standing in the middle of it, even if I am really wanting to look out at the grass and the flowers and the water and some thing that is making noise out there.  But if I am doing any of that in the Round Pen I am getting in Big Trouble!!!!!

I am seeing that my rider is taking me to the Round Pen and I am saying this:  Rider, I do not want to be going in there.  And she is saying Huey, go there.  And I am having to be a Good Horse and going in there.  And then I am having to play Hide The Hiney, and I am forgetting that I have to hide all of my hiney, not just some of it, or my rider is making the rope snake bite me on the butt.  But I am getting better about that.  I was not good at it at all earlier.  I forgot all the Rules.

I did not forget all the Rules today!!!  I remember all of the Rules, and I was paying Very Good Attention to my rider, even though there was something very interesting up on the hill.  And Chip was getting brushed too.  But I am paying attention only to my rider, and she is saying Huey.  It is windy.  I am thinking you are having bucks and you are needing to be getting those out.  But I am saying Even if I am having bucks, it is being very rude to you, rider, to be showing that.  I am only paying attention and doing what you say!!!!!! And I was. And this is meaning that I am getting out of the Round Pen fast!!!!!  If I am knowing that then I am always paying attention and not ever having to go in the Round Pen a lot, ever!!!!!  I am knowing this because I am being one smart horse.

My rider is not being sure about this, but she is saying OK Huey, let’s go riding.  But first, I am getting my withers scratched.  They are being very itchy these days.  My rider is getting the curry brush out, and I am walking up and down trying to put the itchy spot under that brush.  But my rider is saying Huey, I am having to brush all of you, not just the itchy parts.  And I am saying I know.  But brush the itchy parts now please.  And she is saying You asked nicely, so OK. Then we are going out riding.

And then Chip is having to go in the Round Pen!!  He is being hardly more than a baby, so his is having lots of bucks!!!!  And it is making a HUGE NOISE!!!!!  It is making a huge noise WHILE WE ARE RIDING!!!!!  And I am saying Rider, do you know that Chip is over there making a lot of bucks?  And she is saying Yes, Huey, but now is the time to be making a circle.  And I am making that circle, and she is patting my neck and saying GOOD HORSE!! And she is right.  I am being a Good Horse.  Chip is making even more noise!! But I am not getting scared of that!!!!!!!  Not even when he is getting to come into the ring and go at a trot and a canter and my rider is saying You stand still now Huey.  I AM STANDING STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And after all that, everyone is saying Huey, you are one Good Horse!!

And I am getting my tack off, and I am thinking that I am One Good Horse, but I am also thinking that my rider is helping me be One Good Horse.  So then I am saying this:  Rider.  We are going to be having a Horse Kiss. Only she is not listening to this.  So I am putting my muzzle up to her muzzle and saying It is time.  But she is not knowing!!  She is moving her face to the side, just like my muzzle is in the way!!!  So I am saying Rider.  No.  It is time for a Horse Kiss.  And I am putting my muzzle back there.  Anywhere she is putting her muzzle, I am putting mine, because I am knowing that she will understand soon. And I am being right.

She is stopping and saying What? Huey? Your muzzle is being everywhere I am going.  What is this?  And I am saying It is a Horse Kiss.  You are blowing a little bit into my nose, and I am blowing into yours.  Then she is doing that.  Making a small blow, not a big blow like I am making when I am wanting some other horse to know that I am More Important.  She is making a little blow, and I am making a little blow, and I am saying That is right, now be doing that again.  And she is blowing and I am blowing.  And then I am giving her my other nose.  Humans only have one nose.  It is having two holes, like me, but those holes are so close together that it is really being only one nose.  Horses are having two holes, but they are being a very long way apart.  And it is really having two noses.  So I am giving her my other nose, and she is making a little blow on that, and I am making a little blow on her.  And then I am saying Rider!! Now you are knowing how to make a Horse Kiss!!!!  Then she is giving me a big hug on the neck, which I am putting up with, and making a Human Kiss on my muzzle.  I am liking the Horse Kiss better.

Then we are having some grass, and then I am going back in the paddock and making Rocket go away from the hay.  Then my rider is coming out and I am thinking this means a Treat, so I am going over to the fence.  It is meaning a Treat, too.  Then Rocket is coming over to see about a Treat, but I am making a Mean Face and saying THESE ARE MY TREATS ROCKET! NOT YOURS!!! and he is saying OK Huey. That is all being a very good day for a horse.

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Like A Shiny Penny

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I am having a very rough day.  This morning, I was being a minding my own business horse except for Rocket, because he kicked me on the tail.  But then my rider is coming, only she is not being in the right clothes.  She is wearing the right boots, but she is not wearing the right pants.  I am being a confused horse about this, but she is having the halter, so I am also being a Good Horse and standing still for that thing.  This is because I am getting into trouble if I am not standing still for that.

Then we are leaving the paddock and Rocket is not getting to come with us.  I am saying Ha Ha Rocket! See you later! but then I am smelling something.  And it is being something VERY NICE!!!  I am looking for that thing, and then I am realizing it is SPRITE.  She is smelling so good I cannot be telling you how much!!!  And I am saying Sprite! I am over here! It is me, Huey, and you should be letting me come smell you!!  But there is something getting in my way!!!!!  It is not letting me go be near Sprite like I am wanting to!!!  It is my RIDER.

Well, I am being one big horse, so I am knowing what to do!!  What to do is to be putting my head way up in the air and pulling!!!!  This is because big horses can pull small people around if they want to.  I am usually not doing that, but I am usually not smelling something this nice, either.

And Sprite is saying Huey!! Come in here and be with me!! And I am saying I WILL!!!!  I just need to get rid of this pesty rider!!  Then I am being with you!!!

But then there is something moving, and it is making Sprite go another way!! She is going away from me!!!  And I am getting startled and trying to go away too, only I am not wanting to!! And it is my rider, shaking that rope snake and scaring both of us!! Then I am REALLY putting my head in the air and pulling HARD!!!  But it is still not working!!!!  My rider is not moving at all!!!!!!  Then I am hearing something.  It is my rider, and she is saying HUEY. YOU. STOP. THAT. RIGHT. NOW.  And Sprite has made the wonderful smell go away with her, and so I am looking at my rider and saying I am not understanding.  You should have been being taken away with my pulling.  But my rider is giving me a huge Stink Eye and saying Huey, you are big for a horse, and I am big for a person, and if you are thinking that you are the boss of this herd with me in it, and making me move around, you are having another thought.  And that other thought had better be that you are feeling like behaving yourself again.  And then she made the Stink Eye even bigger.

And then I am thinking about this, because I am being very proud of my Stink Eye because it is being good and impressing lots of people and horses.  But I am remembering that my rider has an even better Stink Eye, and I am thinking that maybe it is not being a good idea to try to be the boss of a herd with this person in it.  And I am remembering that my rider is the boss of the herd, not me, and I am knowing what is happening to horses that get the bad idea to try to take a herd away from a boss.  Getting kicked is being the least of it.  So then I am saying Rider, you are right.  I am having that other thought.  I am being sorry.  And she is saying OK Huey, let’s go. And I am going.

Then I am remembering that I was being confused, before that very nice smell came.  Because it is not looking like riding, and now my rider is not taking me to the barn, which is where I am all the time getting brushed.  And we are going around a corner, and I am smelling something that is not at all nice, and THEN. I am KNOWING what is going on.  And I am digging all four of my feet into the ground.

I am seeing where we are going.  It is a place for horses to stand around and get brushed, but it is not where I stand around and get brushed.  I am only getting brushed inside the barn.  And this place is outside the barn.  The only thing that I do in this place is this:  getting a bath. And that bad smell I am smelling is the smell of a bath.  And I am saying NO!  I DO NOT WANT TO BE GETTING A BATH!!!  NO! NO! NO!!!

My rider is saying Huey, you are covered in mud. Your mud is covered in mud.  And even that’s muddy.  You are a disgusting horse, and I am taking that dirt off of you.  I am telling that rider that this is my Magic Dirt because it is making the bugs go away.  But she is telling me it is the Fly Spray that is making the bugs go away and not the dirt.  And I am telling her that Wild Horses do not have Fly Spray!  Only dirt!! And she is telling me that Wild Horses do not have pink salt, or peppermint treats either.  And I am going to be telling her one more thing but then I am noticing that she is starting to make another Stink Eye.  And I am going forward in a hurry, and squeezing her, and she is putting two fingers in my side hard and saying OVER!!!  Then I am getting the Stink Eye anyway, and she is telling me to STAND. STILL. OR.  She is not saying Or Anything.  Just Or.  I am not wanting to know Or. so I am standing still.

Then there is being the water, and then the stinky stuff that she says is shampoo.  She is saying that all things with hair get shampoo.  I am saying Wild Horses do not get shampoo.  But she is saying Wild Horses do not get Fly Masks either, and they cannot put mud in the ears, and so Wild Horses are getting bugs in their ears.

I hate getting bugs in my ears.  I love my Fly Mask.  I am having the best one at the barn because it is decorated.  I had to get it off for the B-word, though, because my rider is saying it is so full of mud that she is surprised I can be seeing anything at all, and it is getting washed just like me.

The only good part about a B-word is that it is like getting scratched all over, only smelly and wet.  But I am liking to get my mane shampooed.  It is feeling very nice and making me stretch my neck up.  I am just not liking the smell.  I am also not liking getting my tail washed, because it is being very cold on my butt.  I squeezed my tail down on my butt as hard as I could, but my rider still got around it.

I am also not liking getting my face wet.  Except under my face.  I am liking to get that wet a lot.  It feels good.  My rider was messing with the water spray on my legs, but I said You are forgetting to spray my chin.  She is saying No I have not, I am just starting with your legs.  And I am saying You should be starting with my chin.  Then I am remembering that thing about herd boss, so then I am saying Please.  And then she is saying Since you asked so nicely, here is the water for your chin.  And I am getting to scratch that on the water, and it is being nice.  But I am hating the rest of it.

Then we are being done, and it is time to do something else I hate.  Stand still and get everything combed.  The water runs down my sides and tickles my belly and makes it feel like bugs are there, but I am having to be careful about how I move those bugs with my hoof, because sometimes it is looking like I might be kicking, and then I am getting into trouble.  But I am not kicking, only at the bugs.  It is being better after I get squeegeed because then I am not dripping.  And the sun was being out and warm and my rider was standing there and saying Huey, you are so beautiful!!!  I forget how great you look when you are clean!!!!

And I am saying I know.

Then there is being the only part of a B-word that I am liking and that is this:  I am getting to eat grass when I am drying off.  And if I am being very wet it is taking very long to dry which means I am getting to eat a very big bunch of grass.  AND we are going to a place where other horses have not been eating grass, so it is being very long and tasty.  There were flowers in that grass.  Flowers are my second favorite kind of grass.  Clover is my favorite kind of grass.  My rider says that flowers and clover are not being grass at all, but I am saying They are green and next to the dirt, not green and on a tree.  They are grass.  And she is saying I see your point, Huey.

Then I am getting to go back into my paddock.  But I am wanting a treat.  My rider is saying I do not think so.  And I am saying Why not?  I am a Good Horse.  But she is saying Today, you were only mostly good.  But I am saying You said good.  That means I am a Good Horse.

She is making the sound with her mouth like wind in the trees, and just saying Maybe you will be an all good horse tomorrow.

Maybe I will.  Probably not, though.  I am still smelling that very good smell.

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This is the color I am being when I am clean. My rider is saying I shine like a new penny in the sun. I am not knowing what that is, but she is saying it is a good thing and I should be this color more often.