Like A Shiny Penny


I am having a very rough day.  This morning, I was being a minding my own business horse except for Rocket, because he kicked me on the tail.  But then my rider is coming, only she is not being in the right clothes.  She is wearing the right boots, but she is not wearing the right pants.  I am being a confused horse about this, but she is having the halter, so I am also being a Good Horse and standing still for that thing.  This is because I am getting into trouble if I am not standing still for that.

Then we are leaving the paddock and Rocket is not getting to come with us.  I am saying Ha Ha Rocket! See you later! but then I am smelling something.  And it is being something VERY NICE!!!  I am looking for that thing, and then I am realizing it is SPRITE.  She is smelling so good I cannot be telling you how much!!!  And I am saying Sprite! I am over here! It is me, Huey, and you should be letting me come smell you!!  But there is something getting in my way!!!!!  It is not letting me go be near Sprite like I am wanting to!!!  It is my RIDER.

Well, I am being one big horse, so I am knowing what to do!!  What to do is to be putting my head way up in the air and pulling!!!!  This is because big horses can pull small people around if they want to.  I am usually not doing that, but I am usually not smelling something this nice, either.

And Sprite is saying Huey!! Come in here and be with me!! And I am saying I WILL!!!!  I just need to get rid of this pesty rider!!  Then I am being with you!!!

But then there is something moving, and it is making Sprite go another way!! She is going away from me!!!  And I am getting startled and trying to go away too, only I am not wanting to!! And it is my rider, shaking that rope snake and scaring both of us!! Then I am REALLY putting my head in the air and pulling HARD!!!  But it is still not working!!!!  My rider is not moving at all!!!!!!  Then I am hearing something.  It is my rider, and she is saying HUEY. YOU. STOP. THAT. RIGHT. NOW.  And Sprite has made the wonderful smell go away with her, and so I am looking at my rider and saying I am not understanding.  You should have been being taken away with my pulling.  But my rider is giving me a huge Stink Eye and saying Huey, you are big for a horse, and I am big for a person, and if you are thinking that you are the boss of this herd with me in it, and making me move around, you are having another thought.  And that other thought had better be that you are feeling like behaving yourself again.  And then she made the Stink Eye even bigger.

And then I am thinking about this, because I am being very proud of my Stink Eye because it is being good and impressing lots of people and horses.  But I am remembering that my rider has an even better Stink Eye, and I am thinking that maybe it is not being a good idea to try to be the boss of a herd with this person in it.  And I am remembering that my rider is the boss of the herd, not me, and I am knowing what is happening to horses that get the bad idea to try to take a herd away from a boss.  Getting kicked is being the least of it.  So then I am saying Rider, you are right.  I am having that other thought.  I am being sorry.  And she is saying OK Huey, let’s go. And I am going.

Then I am remembering that I was being confused, before that very nice smell came.  Because it is not looking like riding, and now my rider is not taking me to the barn, which is where I am all the time getting brushed.  And we are going around a corner, and I am smelling something that is not at all nice, and THEN. I am KNOWING what is going on.  And I am digging all four of my feet into the ground.

I am seeing where we are going.  It is a place for horses to stand around and get brushed, but it is not where I stand around and get brushed.  I am only getting brushed inside the barn.  And this place is outside the barn.  The only thing that I do in this place is this:  getting a bath. And that bad smell I am smelling is the smell of a bath.  And I am saying NO!  I DO NOT WANT TO BE GETTING A BATH!!!  NO! NO! NO!!!

My rider is saying Huey, you are covered in mud. Your mud is covered in mud.  And even that’s muddy.  You are a disgusting horse, and I am taking that dirt off of you.  I am telling that rider that this is my Magic Dirt because it is making the bugs go away.  But she is telling me it is the Fly Spray that is making the bugs go away and not the dirt.  And I am telling her that Wild Horses do not have Fly Spray!  Only dirt!! And she is telling me that Wild Horses do not have pink salt, or peppermint treats either.  And I am going to be telling her one more thing but then I am noticing that she is starting to make another Stink Eye.  And I am going forward in a hurry, and squeezing her, and she is putting two fingers in my side hard and saying OVER!!!  Then I am getting the Stink Eye anyway, and she is telling me to STAND. STILL. OR.  She is not saying Or Anything.  Just Or.  I am not wanting to know Or. so I am standing still.

Then there is being the water, and then the stinky stuff that she says is shampoo.  She is saying that all things with hair get shampoo.  I am saying Wild Horses do not get shampoo.  But she is saying Wild Horses do not get Fly Masks either, and they cannot put mud in the ears, and so Wild Horses are getting bugs in their ears.

I hate getting bugs in my ears.  I love my Fly Mask.  I am having the best one at the barn because it is decorated.  I had to get it off for the B-word, though, because my rider is saying it is so full of mud that she is surprised I can be seeing anything at all, and it is getting washed just like me.

The only good part about a B-word is that it is like getting scratched all over, only smelly and wet.  But I am liking to get my mane shampooed.  It is feeling very nice and making me stretch my neck up.  I am just not liking the smell.  I am also not liking getting my tail washed, because it is being very cold on my butt.  I squeezed my tail down on my butt as hard as I could, but my rider still got around it.

I am also not liking getting my face wet.  Except under my face.  I am liking to get that wet a lot.  It feels good.  My rider was messing with the water spray on my legs, but I said You are forgetting to spray my chin.  She is saying No I have not, I am just starting with your legs.  And I am saying You should be starting with my chin.  Then I am remembering that thing about herd boss, so then I am saying Please.  And then she is saying Since you asked so nicely, here is the water for your chin.  And I am getting to scratch that on the water, and it is being nice.  But I am hating the rest of it.

Then we are being done, and it is time to do something else I hate.  Stand still and get everything combed.  The water runs down my sides and tickles my belly and makes it feel like bugs are there, but I am having to be careful about how I move those bugs with my hoof, because sometimes it is looking like I might be kicking, and then I am getting into trouble.  But I am not kicking, only at the bugs.  It is being better after I get squeegeed because then I am not dripping.  And the sun was being out and warm and my rider was standing there and saying Huey, you are so beautiful!!!  I forget how great you look when you are clean!!!!

And I am saying I know.

Then there is being the only part of a B-word that I am liking and that is this:  I am getting to eat grass when I am drying off.  And if I am being very wet it is taking very long to dry which means I am getting to eat a very big bunch of grass.  AND we are going to a place where other horses have not been eating grass, so it is being very long and tasty.  There were flowers in that grass.  Flowers are my second favorite kind of grass.  Clover is my favorite kind of grass.  My rider says that flowers and clover are not being grass at all, but I am saying They are green and next to the dirt, not green and on a tree.  They are grass.  And she is saying I see your point, Huey.

Then I am getting to go back into my paddock.  But I am wanting a treat.  My rider is saying I do not think so.  And I am saying Why not?  I am a Good Horse.  But she is saying Today, you were only mostly good.  But I am saying You said good.  That means I am a Good Horse.

She is making the sound with her mouth like wind in the trees, and just saying Maybe you will be an all good horse tomorrow.

Maybe I will.  Probably not, though.  I am still smelling that very good smell.


This is the color I am being when I am clean. My rider is saying I shine like a new penny in the sun. I am not knowing what that is, but she is saying it is a good thing and I should be this color more often.


About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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