Horse Kisses


I am feeling like One Great Horse now!  There is being a lot of Wild Horse wind, and I am getting to roll around in a lot of dirt and making my Horse Magic to make those bugs go away, and Rocket is not getting to eat any of my hay. He is trying to do this, but I am not letting him!!  I am making a big Stink Eye, and putting my ears right back, and he is saying Whoops! Huey! I am sorry!  I will not try to eat your hay!!!  And then, being the best, he is forgetting this a bunch of times, which is meaning that I can be making that Stink Eye and putting my ears back many times in every day. I am not supposed to be doing this to any of the humans here.  It is only being OK if it is another horse.  If I am doing this to humans I am getting into Big Trouble!!!!  I am not being a dummy, so I am not doing this, only to Rocket.

Today my rider is there, and she is wearing the right pants and the right boots for riding.  And I am saying Rider! You are here! And she is saying Yes Huey! But then she is taking me to the Round Pen.

I do not like the Round Pen.  Being in the Round Pen means that I am being a Bad Horse.  I am having to walk around that Pen and I am having to pay total attention to my rider standing in the middle of it, even if I am really wanting to look out at the grass and the flowers and the water and some thing that is making noise out there.  But if I am doing any of that in the Round Pen I am getting in Big Trouble!!!!!

I am seeing that my rider is taking me to the Round Pen and I am saying this:  Rider, I do not want to be going in there.  And she is saying Huey, go there.  And I am having to be a Good Horse and going in there.  And then I am having to play Hide The Hiney, and I am forgetting that I have to hide all of my hiney, not just some of it, or my rider is making the rope snake bite me on the butt.  But I am getting better about that.  I was not good at it at all earlier.  I forgot all the Rules.

I did not forget all the Rules today!!!  I remember all of the Rules, and I was paying Very Good Attention to my rider, even though there was something very interesting up on the hill.  And Chip was getting brushed too.  But I am paying attention only to my rider, and she is saying Huey.  It is windy.  I am thinking you are having bucks and you are needing to be getting those out.  But I am saying Even if I am having bucks, it is being very rude to you, rider, to be showing that.  I am only paying attention and doing what you say!!!!!! And I was. And this is meaning that I am getting out of the Round Pen fast!!!!!  If I am knowing that then I am always paying attention and not ever having to go in the Round Pen a lot, ever!!!!!  I am knowing this because I am being one smart horse.

My rider is not being sure about this, but she is saying OK Huey, let’s go riding.  But first, I am getting my withers scratched.  They are being very itchy these days.  My rider is getting the curry brush out, and I am walking up and down trying to put the itchy spot under that brush.  But my rider is saying Huey, I am having to brush all of you, not just the itchy parts.  And I am saying I know.  But brush the itchy parts now please.  And she is saying You asked nicely, so OK. Then we are going out riding.

And then Chip is having to go in the Round Pen!!  He is being hardly more than a baby, so his is having lots of bucks!!!!  And it is making a HUGE NOISE!!!!!  It is making a huge noise WHILE WE ARE RIDING!!!!!  And I am saying Rider, do you know that Chip is over there making a lot of bucks?  And she is saying Yes, Huey, but now is the time to be making a circle.  And I am making that circle, and she is patting my neck and saying GOOD HORSE!! And she is right.  I am being a Good Horse.  Chip is making even more noise!! But I am not getting scared of that!!!!!!!  Not even when he is getting to come into the ring and go at a trot and a canter and my rider is saying You stand still now Huey.  I AM STANDING STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And after all that, everyone is saying Huey, you are one Good Horse!!

And I am getting my tack off, and I am thinking that I am One Good Horse, but I am also thinking that my rider is helping me be One Good Horse.  So then I am saying this:  Rider.  We are going to be having a Horse Kiss. Only she is not listening to this.  So I am putting my muzzle up to her muzzle and saying It is time.  But she is not knowing!!  She is moving her face to the side, just like my muzzle is in the way!!!  So I am saying Rider.  No.  It is time for a Horse Kiss.  And I am putting my muzzle back there.  Anywhere she is putting her muzzle, I am putting mine, because I am knowing that she will understand soon. And I am being right.

She is stopping and saying What? Huey? Your muzzle is being everywhere I am going.  What is this?  And I am saying It is a Horse Kiss.  You are blowing a little bit into my nose, and I am blowing into yours.  Then she is doing that.  Making a small blow, not a big blow like I am making when I am wanting some other horse to know that I am More Important.  She is making a little blow, and I am making a little blow, and I am saying That is right, now be doing that again.  And she is blowing and I am blowing.  And then I am giving her my other nose.  Humans only have one nose.  It is having two holes, like me, but those holes are so close together that it is really being only one nose.  Horses are having two holes, but they are being a very long way apart.  And it is really having two noses.  So I am giving her my other nose, and she is making a little blow on that, and I am making a little blow on her.  And then I am saying Rider!! Now you are knowing how to make a Horse Kiss!!!!  Then she is giving me a big hug on the neck, which I am putting up with, and making a Human Kiss on my muzzle.  I am liking the Horse Kiss better.

Then we are having some grass, and then I am going back in the paddock and making Rocket go away from the hay.  Then my rider is coming out and I am thinking this means a Treat, so I am going over to the fence.  It is meaning a Treat, too.  Then Rocket is coming over to see about a Treat, but I am making a Mean Face and saying THESE ARE MY TREATS ROCKET! NOT YOURS!!! and he is saying OK Huey. That is all being a very good day for a horse.



About Lori Holder-Webb

I'm a Southern Woman by birth and a Texan Woman by upbringing...and yet I find myself living in New England and married to a New York City boy. Up here we use the same currency as we do at home, and I don't need to travel with a passport, but the commonalities pretty much end there. The language is different, the jokes are different, the people are different, and the weather and terrain sure are different too. I moved away from Texas in 2002, and ever since then, I've been the stranger in the strange land... I've had some questions about the name of the blog - if you were not alive, or living abroad or under a rock, or in grad school during the late 1980s, Oldsmobile attempted to shuck its stodgy image with a series of commercials intended to bring brand appeal to the younger generation: this car, they said, is not your father's Oldsmobile. If you have a morbid curiosity, hit YouTube for William Shatner will take you right there.

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