Category Archives: Fun

The Seventh Season

Standard

New England has more seasons than any other place I’ve ever lived.  Texas has two seasons: Hot Dry, and Cool Wet.  You can get both seasons in the space of one week, and they each come around multiple times per year, but there are still only two.  Wisconsin had four seasons: Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring.  Very basic and uncomplicated, those seasons. New England has at least six.  There’s the usual Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring, but then there’s also Stick and Mud.

Stick comes between Fall and Winter, and it’s one of the two seasons that is characterized by a preponderance of the color Brown. Stick is the inevitable payment, with interest, for the fabulous New England Fall, known world-wide for its stunning multicolored beauty.  At some point, all of those wonderful brightly colored Fall leaves, well…fall.  Fall off.  Hit the ground, and lie there, moldering, leaving the world full of, well…sticks.  Stick season.

Mud comes between Winter and Spring, and is the sad payment, with interest, for those picturesque hills covered with glistening white blankets of snow.  At some point, it melts, and because the topography of New England can be summarized with a few short words like “hilly”, “rocky”, and “surface water” we get a truly epic season of Mud.  This year, astonishingly – given the record amounts of snow we had – Mud was surprisingly short and surprisingly not horrible.  Huey has been known to lose up to three shoes in a really bad Mud.  This year, he only lost one, and it was almost time for the farrier to come out and put his summer shoes on anyway, so it wasn’t too bad.

Pretty much, I think, everyone knows about Summer, Fall, Spring, and Winter, and quite a few people have heard of Mud.  Stick is a new one on me since I came to New England, as is the seventh season: Long Sleeves And Shorts.

Long Sleeves And Shorts can overlap with several of the other seasons.  It almost never overlaps with Winter, not unless you’re talking about tweens and teens, all of whom are indestructible, and none of whom think it’s Cool to dress for the weather.  Long Sleeves And Shorts season can overlap with Summer, particularly on the coast.  Most frequently, though, it happens in conjunction with Spring, Fall, Stick, and Mud.  A certain quality to the air arrives, and people flood out onto the streets sporting a wide range of Long Sleeves and Shorts.  Since New England is basically the Fountain of All Preppiness, you often see khaki shorts and rugby shirts (on both men and women).  You might see boarder shorts and long-sleeve t-shirts.  You see skimpy little running shorts and a long-sleeve quarter-zip technical top in lurid colors never seen elsewhere in nature.  You see padded bike shorts, and long-sleeved slinky tops festooned with obscure logos.  You see cargo shorts and flannel shirts, or denim shorts with thermal waffle-knit henleys.  If it’s particularly chilly, you see the shirts covered up with a zippered  vest.  When Long Sleeves and Shorts season happens on the coast in summer, you can see shorts paired with a collared shirt and a sweater.

I’ve been in and around New England so long, at this point, that I didn’t even notice Long Sleeves and Shorts season until this past fall, when some friends of mine from Texas came up for a visit.  Roy and I suited up for some outing or other – independently, I should add – and rejoined our guests.  They stared at us in astonishment.  “Long sleeves? And shorts?” they said.  “Now we really know we’re in New England.”  They were both baffled and amused by this, I think.  I suppose that I would have been, too, if I were more recently from Texas.

As it is, it makes perfect sense for me.  Long Sleeve and Shorts season is characterized by the exciting phenomenon of having two seasons in one day.  Sometimes two seasons in a four-hour period, which it’s been doing lately.  You have to dress for both, and this is the compromise.  It’s Winter in the morning – it was 34 when I woke up – so you wear the long sleeves.  But you know that it’s going to be Summer in very short order – probably by the time I come back from grocery shopping – so you wear the shorts.  What’s not to understand about this?

In Texas, it’s not unknown to have both seasons in one day: to wake up to Hot, and then have an arctic front blast through and drop the temperatures to Cool.  The difference between Hot and Cool season in Texas can be anything from 101 Fahreneheit to 40, so this is not a trivial swing.  The deal is, it doesn’t happen that often, certainly not every day of the week like happens in Long Sleeve and Shorts season in New England.  And in Texas it’s completely predictable, often down to the very hour when it will happen.  So Texans go off to work and school in their Hot season clothes, and the ones who are paying attention to the forecast in the morning, drag along their huge puffy winter commuter coats, and they’re fine.  The ones who weren’t paying attention do high-speed sprints from the building to the car and then sit there for five minutes, turning the heat on full-blast until their bare legs recover their color and feeling.

It doesn’t happen often enough in Texas for there to be a proper season for it.  Here, though, I have three choices for the day: waffle henley, rugby shirt, or t-shirt.  The shorts are a given.

Advertisements

That Old Kitten Spirit

Standard

My BFF, Buster Kitty, passed away this fall.  He died suddenly, and unexpectedly, from what we believe to be a common heart problem that plagues cats.  We came home from a day trip and found his body at the base of the stairs.  It was unspeakably horrible.  If I never go through anything that awful again, ever in my life, I will count myself fortunate.

Ten years ago, when Tybalt, the Black Death, my Buddha Cat, was on his last legs, I discovered that in the 18 years I’d known him, I had somehow forgotten to live without a cat.  And that’s when Buster Kitty entered my life.  When Buster Kitty unexpectedly shuffled off his mortal coil, I remembered that I had forgotten how to live without a cat.  Roy, bless his heart, said “We’ll get another cat.” meaning “We’ll get another cat in the spring”.  He’s a little slow sometimes.  He gets there, but he takes the Local Train.  He was planning to get engaged four or five years after we met, even though it was perfectly obvious from our first date forward that we were headed directly to the altar.  I had to take things into my own hands on that one as well, but that’s a different story.  Roy said “We’ll get another cat.” and all I could think was “How long do I have to be here without a cat?”

You know, unless you are hopelessly Cat Averse like my mother, that there is power in the purr of a cat.  There is no dreadful event in my life that has not been improved by a purring cat on my lap.  Or, rather, my experience of every dreadful event has been made less horrible, less weighty, less burdensome, through having a purring cat on my lap.  The sudden loss of Buster Kitty was certainly a dreadful event, and made even worse by the fact that the loss of my usual antidote to dreadful events, the purring cat, was the dreadful event itself.  It was the ultimate in Negative Synergies.

I lasted one week.  I knew quite well that Roy had some totally absurd time horizon in mind, and with the expertise of the long-married, I utterly disregarded that.  I launched a conversation with him about this Hypothetical Event of securing another cat for the house. I ran across this magnificent article that explained my perspective perfectly.  Buster Kitty occupied a completely unfillable Cat Track…but the household had at least one Cat Slot, and it was vacant, and it very badly needed to be filled.  Really.  The post I linked to there is totally worth reading. Anyway, filling the vacant Cat Slot was First Priority, for me. I wasn’t going to be having any vacant Cat Slot for months and months.  Who could stand it?  Anyway, my Cat Slot had been continuously occupied by adult cats for 28 years at this point, but suddenly, Overhead Control alerted me to the fact that the specs for the job had been changed.  My Cat Slot had been converted, without my permission, acquiescence, or agreement, into a Kitten Slot.  I don’t know why.  The decision was handed down by Top Management.

While the Cat Slot Conversion paperwork was getting processed I sounded Roy out on the topic of Multiple Cats.  Because, why not.  Starting fresh is starting fresh, and it might be interesting to have more than one.  He was not in favor.  His idea was: 1 cat.  Not 2 cats.  I hadn’t yet been alerted to the change in status on the Slot, so I was unable to obtain his feelings on the subject of Kitten.  I was pretty sure I knew what they were going to be, anyway.

Fortunately, about that time, Roy headed off for a conference.  One of his very favorite sayings is “It’s better to ask forgiveness than ask permission.”  I think this position has merit, and was fully prepared to deploy it in the face of his inevitable protest. I called a good friend to come visit me for purposes of Cat Shopping.  Or, as I understood it at the moment, Kitten Shopping.  When I was informed of the conversion of the Slot from Cat Slot to Kitten Slot, I was also informed that we had been given an extra Slot in acknowledgement of the inconvenience. So we were not shopping for one cat, we were shopping for two kittens.

Plan A was to hit several of the area shelters, meet all the kittens they had on hand, and pick from that selection after several hours of Kitten Shopping.  As they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”  Plan A was derailed pretty much instantly when I met my First Kitten, a tiny little tuxedo cat, who nestled himself in the angle between my neck and my shoulder when I picked him up, purred loudly, and then licked the end of my nose.

“Friend,” I said to my buddy, “I’m gone.”

Meanwhile, she had discovered a contender in the form of a fluffy blue kitten with more toes than whiskers, who pitched the World’s Tiniest Temper Tantrum when she did not immediately open up his cage and take him out.

“Lori,” she said, “I”m gone.”

And so it was that we set out to obtain Two Kittens, and took home the first two kittens we met.  Later that day, I spoke with Roy on the phone.  “I have a confession to make” I said. “You got a cat” he said. “No,” I said.  “You know how you’re always saying it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission?” “What. did. you. do.” he said. “Well,” I said, “We went to the animal shelter.” “But you said you didn’t get a cat” he said. “That’s right,” I said.  “I didn’t get a cat.  I got two kittens.“. Silence reigned.  “Two.” he said.  “Two…kittens.” “Yep. You’re going to love them.”  My friend had already pointed out that if Roy kicked up a dust, we’d just toss the fluffy one at him, and the kitten would work its Fluffy Kitten Magic, and that would be the end of the protests.  And that is, more or less, how it worked out.  These kittens were so unbelievably cute – even our vet, who specialized in cats, melted when I brought them in – that Roy didn’t have a Chance.  It took him more than five minutes, and less than two days.

Now we’re one bigger, happier family: me, Roy, Max, and Baxter.  Max is the fluffy blue one, who turns out to be a volunteer shoot on the Maine Coon family tree.  Baxter is the tuxedo cat.  Both are shaping fair to be enormous.  Baxter was 10 lbs at his six-month checkup, and Max wasn’t very far behind. I’m told that Maine Coons take a long time to grow into their full magnificence, though.

Now the kittehs are sad.

I have a hanging sculpture in my bay window. It has a big swarovski cut-crystal ball hanging from it. Around 4pm at this time of the year the sun is at exactly the right angle to shine through the crystal, which puts dozens of rainbow-colored dots on the wall. If I give the sculpture a spin, the dots chase around the room. It’s like having 50 laser pointers, all going at once, in a seemingly random pattern on the living room walls, furniture, and the hallway stairs. It’s not random, I’m sure there’s a mathematical equation that perfectly describes it, and I bet my friend my kitten-shopping buddy the physicist could tell me what that equation is. But to the kittehs, it’s like having hundreds of multicolored mice racing randomly EVERYWHERE.

Kittehs learned very quickly that Mama Makes The Sparkle Dots Dance. Now they congregate in the living room around 4pm, with expectant looks on their little furry faces. I don’t know what it is about their looks that’s expectant. I just know it is. They see me coming and they want me to make the Sparkle Dots.

It has been cloudy for the last five days in a row. We’re in the throes of mud season, and it’s sleeting, snowing, raining, and just generally depressing and gloomy without being attractively atmospheric, like it is in the fall.  It’s just grim.  Mud Season.  End of Ski Season. Something to endure.  Thank heavens for the Sugar Shacks, because they’re the only thing that makes life worth continuing to live for the six weeks it goes on.

No sun = no Sparkle Dots.  On top of swimming through puddles on the sidewalk everywhere, on top of random warnings of three inches of nasty, useless, wet snow, on top of the crushing of the spirits that comes with the end of ski season…I have to disappoint my kittens every. single. day.  They don’t understand the pivotal role of the sun in the Sparkle Dot picture.  They just know Mama has the Sparkle Dot Magic, and refuses to use it.

God, please bring me a sunny afternoon.  I can’t stand crushing the hopes of my kittens every afternoon much longer.

In a happier time:

I Am Being One Brave Horse.

Standard

It has been a very exciting day today!!  I am not getting to go out in the mornings.  This is because of fighting.  Everything was being fine until Chip said You stop bossing me around Huey! And I said You should just be doing what I say! and he said You are not the boss of me!! and I said Yes I am!! And he said Prove it!! And I said OK!!!!!  And now we are not getting to go out together any more.  My rider is telling me not to be so bossy, but I cannot be helping that.  It is just being how I am.

But that is not what I am wanting to tell you about.  It is this.  I am eating my hay this morning inside, because I am not getting to go out in the mornings now, and my rider is showing up there.  This is being early for my rider to come, so I am at first ignoring her.  But she is opening up the door and saying Huey!! Look what mama has on!!!

And then I am realizing something.  I am realizing that my rider has a name, like Huey.  Only it is not Huey, because that is being my name.  Her name is being Mama.    And I am realizing something else.  Mama is wearing riding boots.  And I am saying Mama.  Why are you wearing those boots?  You are riding some other horse? But she is saying No, Huey.  I am riding you.  We are going riding today!!

Well, I am not being so sure about that.  Last time we went riding, Bad Things happened.  I am wanting to go riding, but I am also not wanting to go riding.  It is being confusing.  But there it is, I am getting brushed, and I am getting my go riding boots on, and there is being my saddle, and my bridle, and my rider, I mean, Mama, saying It is time.  Let’s go lunge.

Well, lunging I can do.  It is all I have been doing, so that is being fine.  But then we are lunging and then she is taking me over to the mounting block, and then I am realizing I cannot go to the mounting block.  This is why.  The last time I am going to the mounting block, VERY BAD THINGS ARE HAPPENING.  I am bucking and my rider is flying and getting hurt and then I am thinking I am being sold but we are only moving to a new barn.  But I am knowing one thing:  it is because of the mounting block.  I cannot go there because bad things will happen!!!!!!!!!!

Mama is saying Huey.  MOVE OVER and STAND BY THE BLOCK.  But I am saying NOOOO!!!  I cannot!!!!!!!  And then there are other people there, and the other rider, and everyone is telling me Go stand by the block.  But I cannot do it!!!!!!!!!  Then the other rider is walking me and Mama is saying Huey, you can go by the block.  It is OK.  And the other rider is saying Yes, Huey, nothing bad is going to happen.  But I am knowing it will!!!!!!!!!!!  And I am saying NOOO!!!  But they are not stopping, and they are saying how brave I am having to be and go stand by the block and be a Good Boy Huey, it is OK.  And it is taking a very long time, but I am finally deciding I can be brave and I am going to stand by that block.

Then the other rider is getting on me and making me do hard things, but that is OK, because I am liking to work.  And I am having to go stand by that block some more. And then the other rider is getting off and everyone is wanting me to go back by the block.  I am seeing that Mama has a helmet on, and that is definitely meaning riding, and I am scared about that because what if something is happening?!?!?  And I am bucking again?!?!?!?  I am not wanting to throw Mama!!!!!!!!!  But she is saying Huey, you are such a Good Brave Horse.  I am knowing it will be OK.

I can tell there is something she is not saying.  That is because I am a horse and horses hear with more than ears.  She is saying I am knowing it will be OK, but she is also saying I am afraid it will not be OK.  She is not wanting to get bucked again.  But she is saying I am afraid it will not be OK with a small voice, and saying I am knowing it will be OK with a bigger voice, and so I am saying to her, It will be OK.  I am being a brave horse, and you are being a brave person.  It is being OK.  I am standing here, and you are getting on.

It is not being her best job of getting on.  The I am afraid it will not be OK voice is getting VERY LOUD but just for a minute, and then there we are being, me and her, Huey and Mama.  And she is squirming a little in the saddle, and I am standing very still.  Because that is what Good Brave Horses do.  They stand still.  And then she said Move out with her seat, just like always, and we did.  There was a lot going on, but I just remembered that I was a Brave Horse, and she remembered she was a Brave Person, and it was OK just like they were saying.

Then afterward, I got scared again because Mama had some stuff that she wanted to put on my neck.  It is being sore there on account of all the fighting I have been having to do.  I said NOOO!!  Do not be putting anything on me!!!!  But she is saying Huey.  Smell it.  It is smelling good.  And it is making your muscle feel good too.  Well, I remembered I am a Brave Horse, and so I am smelling it a little, and she is right, and then I am wanting to smell it some more and maybe put some of that on my tongue.  But she is saying No, this goes on your skin.  I am saying I have skin on my tongue.  But she is saying it is a different kind of skin.  And it is making the sore muscle feel better.

I am hoping that I will remember to be a Brave Horse when we go riding again.  Riding is better than not riding.

WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Standard

I am writing last to be talking about having bucks and my rider getting extra legs.  Before that it is being the nice kind of boring that horses are liking.  Plenty of food, sun.  Too many bugs.

That is being then.  This is being now.  And now is being a very different thing.

I am noticing that horses are leaving, but this is happening sometimes anyways.  It is happening when it get cold, and some horses are going to live other places, except me.  I am not going anywhere, I am just living at the barn.  But it is happening now, when it is being hot.  Sometimes it is happening when there are shows, and I am going to lots of shows where I am jumping and making everyone impressed with me, because I am One Good Jumping Horse!!!!  But I am not going to shows in a very long time.  And I am thinking these horses are not going to shows either, because they are not getting baths first.  All horses are getting baths before going to a show.  This is because Show Horses Must Be Clean!!!!  That is being a very important rule.  Show Horses are also supposed to be getting braids, and none of these horses are getting braids before they are leaving.

So that is being strange.  Horses leaving when it is hot and not cold, and leaving when they are not going to shows. Sometimes when horses leave and they are not going to shows it is because of this:  they have gotten a new rider.  And the new rider takes them away to a new barn.  I am getting lots of new riders, but my rider now is telling me No More New Riders, just her.  And I am believing it.  And I am wondering how all these other horses are having new riders right now, all at the same time.  It is being very strange.

Then this morning there is being a lot of noise at the barn when I am being out in my paddock having breakfast.  I am hearing one thing:  my rider is being here.  But she is not coming to see me!! I am waiting, right there at the gate, for her to come see me, but she is not there!!  Just a lot of noise.

Then it is being a long time, and my rider is coming to see me.  She is not having so many legs this time.  Only three.  And she is not giving me treats over the gate, she is opening it up.  Having three legs is making it hard to open that gate, and I am trying to help, but she is saying Go back Huey. Let me in.  And I am saying I am only trying to help.

Then she is wanting me to go in the halter.  Having three legs is making her not good at that too, so I am thinking about walking away, but she is giving me a Stink Eye.  I do not have time for this shit, Huey, she is saying.  Go in the halter!

Well, I am not used to seeing her like this!!!  So I am coming back and putting my head down and going in the halter.  And we are walking toward the barn, but I am not believing what I am seeing.  There are trailers, and they are open, like for horses to be going in to!!!  And I am stopping!!!!!!!  And I am looking at this and saying Rider!! What are these trailers being for?!?!?  And she is saying Horses, dummy.  Move on.

But I am not understanding.  And then Laura is putting wraps on all my legs.  I am used to getting wraps on my front legs because that is protecting me against being lame again.  But I am not used to putting wraps on my back legs!!  And my rider is not being there, and I am not understanding this thing with wraps on all my legs, and I am not understanding ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!

And then I am knowing.  I am not wanting to be knowing this, but I am not a dummy, I am a Smart Horse, and I am knowing what all this is meaning.

I am thinking my rider is just being my rider always, but now I am knowing I am wrong.  I am getting a new rider.  I do not want to be getting a new rider!!!!!  I am thinking that I was a Very Bad Horse, and now I am having to go to a new rider!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not being happy about this at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then my rider is there, and I am saying I do not want to go to a new rider!!!!! I want to stay here!!!!!!!  And she is talking, but I cannot hear what she is saying because my words are taking too much space.  I do not want to go!!!!!!!!!!!!  But she is making me walk out anyway, and I am being right!!!!!!!!!  I AM HAVING TO GO IN THE TRAILER.  This is the worst thing ever.  My rider is still talking, and I am trying to run all over the place because this is being awful, and I am making my eyes open as far as they can be, and it is being so horrible that a horse is not having words for this.  And I cannot hear anything at all my rider is saying.

Then I am having to go in the trailer and Chip is being there, and I am thinking that I will now be going with Chip and Chip’s rider will be my rider.  That is not as bad as a new rider, but I am wanting my own rider and my stall and my paddock and that piece of grass I like to eat.  And then we are driving.  I am telling Chip What is going on?!?!?!  But he is not being happy about this either and he is saying Huey, shut up!!!  Leave me alone!!!!!

Then we are stopping.  I am thinking this is it, and here is where I will be meeting my new rider.

But when I am getting off the trailer, it is being all people I know! And there are horses here that I am knowing too!  And my rider is there saying Huey.  Huey.  Huey.  And I am saying WHAT IS THIS?!?!  WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!  And then the person who rides me sometimes, who is a better rider than my rider, is there and she is saying Huey, come with me.  And I am saying You are my rider now?!??!!  But my rider is saying No, Huey.  I am still your rider.  And then we are standing in a strange barn, and there is an open door, and I am saying I AM GOING IN THERE NOW!!!!  But my rider is saying No, Huey.  Wrong stall.  This is your stall.  And I am having to move.

Well, I am running into that stall too, I am telling you.  And my rider is there by the door saying Huey.  Listen to me.  We have moved.  All the horses have moved.  We just have a new barn now.  We are still together.  Everyone is here now.  Listen.  Here comes Sprite.

And she is right.  I am hearing Sprite come near, but I am not seeing her, and she is saying WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!? too.  My rider is saying This is your new stall, Huey.  This is a good barn. You are going to like it here.

But I am smelling the walls and they are smelling like other horses. And I am knowing this is not my stall.  My stall smells like me! Huey!  But my rider is making a move, and I am following her, because she is the only thing I am knowing, and it is taking a minute to realize something.  She is thumping on a grain bucket.

Well.  It may be some other horse’s stall, but a grain bucket is a grain bucket, and you never know that one might be having grain  in it, so I am checking it out.  And when I went up to it, I am getting one big surprise.

You will not be guessing what that surprise is, so I will be telling you.  It is being my grain bucket!!!!  It is smelling exactly like me!! And it is having the pieces of my salt lick and some of my breakfast still in there!!!!!!!  And there are water buckets, and they are my water buckets!!!!!!!!!  I am knowing exactly what they are smelling like, and it is being ME!!!!!!!!!

And I am eating that breakfast, and then someone is putting a whole flake of hay in there! And it is not even being lunch time!  A free flake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that is being something pretty good, I am telling you!!  And Sprite is saying Huey! Is that you? And I am saying Yes!!!!

And there is being a lot of noise still, but then my rider is coming back and she is having my Fly Mask, and she is having carrots.  She is making me do a Carrot Stretch for them, but they are tasting very good.  And!!!  There is being an APPLE!!!!!

I am not wanting to have a new stall, and going in the trailer, or having a new rider, but my rider says No, Huey, you were not right about that.  I am still your rider.  When I get rid of this extra leg we will be riding again.  We are good.

I am thinking maybe.  My rider is telling me there are a bunch of horses I know, and then there are being new horses, who have never gotten to meet me, Huey the Wonder Horse.  They will be showing me respect, or I will be telling them what to do.  It could be being good.

It Is Being A Bad Week.

Standard

I know I am not writing anything for a long time.  That is because there has not been anything to be writing about.  It is some riding, and it is some eating grass, and it is some talking to the other horses, and it is a very lot of bugs.  That is all.

But this week is not being like every other week.  This week is being a lot of trouble for a horse.  Last week my rider was being gone, and I am only going out once with the other rider.  And that is being OK, but I am missing my rider.

Then, my rider is coming back in the morning! And she is wearing riding clothes, so I am knowing it is time to go back to work.  I am one horse that is liking to have a job.  Not a horse, like some horses I can think of, who are just wanting to stand around and eat all day and get Hay Bellies.  I am being a trim, fast, working-hard horse!!  So I am happy to be seeing my rider and knowing we are going to be going out.  So I am trotting over to her and saying Rider! You are here!!  And she is laughing and saying I am here, Huey, I missed you! And even better she is scratching my withers.  This is being very good because they are being all itchy all the time.  That is from the bugs.

So we are being in the cross ties for a while, but then Rocket is coming in and he is saying Move, Huey.  I am getting my feet done now.  And we are moving into my stall, and I am getting scratched all over and it is feeling so good.  I am being one Very Happy Horse and thinking that it is a very good day!!  I am not liking going out to the ring because Rocket is not wanting to move over enough, and I am one Very Big Horse, and I am always thinking that there is maybe not enough room for me to go places.  My rider tells me I am being silly, that I am not that big, but still, it could happen.  I could get squeezed.

But I am not getting squeezed, and we are going in the ring and going to the block, and my rider is getting up on me, but then! There is being a problem!!!!! And it is being a VERY BIG PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not saying what that problem is, and that is because I do not really remember.  But I am knowing there was a VERY BIG PROBLEM because I am doing SOMETHING VERY BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know. You are saying, Huey, what can you be doing that is so bad?  You are a good horse!  Not a bad horse that plays games with the block, not like some horses.

And I am saying, You are right. I am a good horse, but I was not being a good horse then!!  I could not help it, but I was being a BAD HORSE!!!! I was being the WORST KIND OF HORSE!!!

And now I am one embarrassed horse because I am telling you what happened.

I made bucks.

My rider was not even on, and I made a bunch of bucks, and I threw her.

Yes.  I was the Very Worst Kind of Horse.  The kind of horse that throws a rider.  And my rider was not even doing anything to make me throw her.  It just happened.

And then my rider was off and I could stop making bucks, but then.  It was being even worse!!!  My rider fell off before, and I was being one very embarrassed horse then because it is being my job to be the horse and her job to be the rider, and being the horse means being on the bottom and being the rider means being on the top but when my rider fell off, I was not on the bottom any more.  And that is meaning I am not doing my job, and that is being very embarrassing.  And then, my rider is getting up and patting herself and saying Huey, we are going back to the block and I am riding some more.  I am not wanting to because I am knowing what a Bad, Stupid Horse I have been, but she is making me go, and then everything is being fine.

But this is not being fine, because my rider is not getting up.  She is just lying there on the ground, making noises.  She is making Bad Words, but she is not getting up.  And then I am realizing it is even worse than the worst.  I threw my rider.  I made her stop being on top.  And now she is just on the ground.  I have had riders who fell off, because this happens, and sometimes they do not get up, and that is so Bad there are not even being any words for this.  And now I have made this happen.  Me, Huey, the Wonder Horse, has just hurt his rider with bucking.

I am realizing this, and Rocket’s farrier is coming in to hold on to my reins, but I am not going anywhere!!! I am standing there and watching my rider and waiting for her to get up and pat herself and say Huey, we are going back to the block, and it is not happening.  And I am thinking What kind of horse is doing this?  There is no horse in the barn that is being this bad.  Only me, Huey.

My rider is getting up but she is not walking right, like a horse being lame.  And she is not saying Huey, we are going back to the block.  She is saying Huey, what the fuck happened there?  What happened?

And I am not being able to tell her.  I am not being able to say anything.  I am not even being able to say I am sorry!  I am just standing there and I am not looking at her eye, and I am not sniffing her nose, and I am not saying anything at all.  Just looking at the ground, because I am being too bad to be talking to my rider.

Well, she is making me lunge, but it is not working very well because she is lame and cannot be walking.  I am remembering that she is not being lame when we are getting groomed, and I am knowing that it is me, Huey, who has been making her lame.  Very bad.  Very, very bad.  Then I am getting my tack off, and she is saying No grass today, Huey, I have to go to the doctor.  But I am not even thinking about the grass.  I am just thinking this:  very, very bad.  Bad Horse.  Baddest Horse.  Bad.

And then she is being gone.  And I am being there with the other horses, and they are all saying Huey! What are you doing! But I am not talking to them either.  That is being because I am bad.

And then it is a long time, and I am just being One Bad Horse, all the time.  My rider is not being there, and I am not even knowing what to think, so I am just thinking Bad, Bad Horse.

Then I am messing around in my paddock, looking for some pieces of hay, and there is a strange noise, and there is a smell I know, and there is a sound, and it is Huey! Hey Huey!

And it is being my rider.

And I am turning around and I am racing to the gate.  I am running as fast as a horse can!!  It is scaring the other horses, I am running that fast.  Sadie is saying Huey, you dummy, what are you running away from to scare us all?  But I am not caring.  I am not running away from something, I am running to my rider.  I am putting my head out over the gate as far as I can to get close and I am not even caring if the fence zaps me!! But I am not saying anything, either, because I am still thinking Bad Horse.

Then my rider is inside the paddock and she is saying Huey, it is OK.  We are OK.  It was an accident.  It better not happen again, but I know that you were not being a Bad Horse.  You are my buddy.  You would not be Bad to me like that.  You are OK, Huey.

And then I was OK, and I could be looking at my rider, but then I am being very surprised.  I am saying Rider.  You are having too many legs.  You are having the same legs as a horse.  And your new legs look very strange.  And she is saying Huey, that is because I am lame.  They are crutches.  I am borrowing the extra legs to make it easier to walk around.  And I am thinking, Maybe next time I go lame I could be borrowing a new leg so that I am not having to stand around in my stall too much.  But I am not sure about these new legs for my rider.  They are very strange.  I am wanting to smell them, all over.  And I am.  I am smelling one of them all over, and then I am smelling the other one too.  They are not smelling like a person.  They are smelling like the bars that keep me from being able to eat Rocket’s grain in the morning when we are all being in the barn.

I am not being sure about these legs, and I am saying That is too many legs for you to have when you are riding.  And she is saying We cannot go riding until I can get rid of the extra legs.  You have more vacation time, Huey.  And I am saying But I do not want more vacation time.  And she is saying Well, when a horse bucks a rider off, the rider gets hurt, and there is no more riding for a while, that is all.  I know that when I get an owie, there is no more riding, so I know about this, but I am not liking it.

Then I am wanting to smell those new legs again, but when I am doing that, I am smelling something else.  There is new leg, and there is rider, and then…there is Horse Muffin.  The good kind with the peppermint on it.  And once I am smelling that, I am not thinking about anything else at all.  Only peppermints.  And then I am getting them, and then my rider is saying Huey. Make a nose sniff.  And I am feeling better, and I am doing that.  And then everything is being OK.

huey_bath02